Renaissance
by SFCBruce
Summary: A little Post-Mockingjay tale that not only focuses on our two Victors finally coming together, but in helping each other recover and find a life together. Uses some characters that I introduced in "A Tale of Two Victors." Rated "T" but be warned for eventual "M" chapters! Eventual Everlark! Drama and angst! This franchise is not my property...and reviews are always welcome! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1 - HOMECOMING**

**PART I**

I sit in the luxurious car staring out the window at the landscape as my train speeds east. We've left the mountains behind and the train is rolling through a vast flat plain. What district are we in? Three? Five? I sigh heavily. It really doesn't make much of a difference.

An attendant stands nearby, hands clasped in front of him, ready to serve my every need. I glance over at him occasionally. Each time I do, he becomes immediately attentive, leaning forward as though trying to anticipate my wishes. I recognize him, as I've been on this train before. In fact, this is my third trip eastward from the Capitol to District Twelve.

The first time was less than two years ago, returning from the Capitol as a newly-minted Victor, fresh from the 74th Hunger Games. With me was my Mentor, Haymitch Abernathy, my Escort, Effie Trinket...and my Co-Victor and District Partner, Katniss Everdeen.

I feel a shudder pass through my body as her name flows through my thoughts, and I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists tightly for a few seconds as the spasm passes. I take a few deep breaths as I fight to clear my head of those shiny false memories that the Capitol interrogators had so skillfully planted inside my head. Not real. Not Real. NOT Real! NOT REAL!

"Sir?" It's the attendant. "Can I bring you anything?" I must have been speaking the words aloud. I open my eyes and look at him blankly. Bring me? Yes, please. Bring me my life. Give me my life back.

"Tea," I croak. Was that my voice? How many hours...how many days since I've spoken?

"Right away, sir," the attendant says eagerly. "Cream? Sugar? Lemon?"

"Black," my rusty voice manages to say, "And hot."

The attendant smiles and leaves. I turn and continue my vacant staring out the window. My fingers idly trace over the tabletop - then freeze as my fingertip dips into a small indentation in the surface. A dent - no, a hole. A hole made by a knife blade. I squeeze my eyes shut again as the memory - a real one this time - bursts into my brain.

_The three of us...myself, Haymitch, and Katniss...are finishing breakfast. The Reapings were yesterday and soon we'll be in the Capitol. Haymitch...our Mentor...is already drinking. Katniss is looking at him with disgust written all over her face._

_"So, you're supposed to give us advice," Katniss says evenly._

_"Here's some advice. Stay alive." Haymitch laughs as if he's said something funny. He seems to have completely forgotten our conversation last night - our conversation where I confessed my love for Katniss to this...this drunkard. Suddenly I'm furious with him. We had a deal and he's not honoring it._

_"That's very funny," I snap, "Only not to us!" Suddenly my hand lashes out and smacks the glass from Haymitch's hand. It hits the floor and shatters, spilling red liquid. I see Katniss looking at me in alarm, and...approval? Haymitch sits shocked for a second or two, then the next thing I know I'm knocked from my chair by Haymitch's fist to my jaw._

_Stunned, I lay on the floor for a few moments. I hear something thud into the table as I struggle to get to my feet, and I hear Haymitch say, "Well, what's this? Did I actually get a pair of fighters this year?"_

_As I rise to my feet I see Katniss leaning across the table, her hand still on the hilt of the knife that she drove into the tabletop between Haymitch and his liquor bottle. As I watch, she jerks the knife free from the table and sits back in her chair, scowling._

"Sir?" I flinch and spin around. The attendant is standing there with a saucer holding a steaming cup.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, sir," he says apologetically. I dismissively wave my hand at him.

"No apology necessary," I say, my voice sounding less rusty. Suddenly, I ask, "What's your name?"

"Sir?" The attendant says, startled, as he sets the cup and saucer on the table. The saucer covers the scar Katniss made in the mahogany.

"Your name," I say, with what I hope is a reassuring smile. "What's your name?"

"Felix," the attendant finally says, "Felix Bowen."

"I'm Peeta," I say, offering my hand. After a moment's hesitation, he takes my hand in his.

"Yes, sir. I know who you are," Felix says. "I've been working this train for over ten years. It's an honor to meet you."

"Why?" I ask. "Why is it an honor to meet me?"

"Umm...well...you and...the rest...you're all hero's. You, Miss Everdeen, Mr. Abernathy, Mr. Heavensbee, President Paylor...all of you," he stammers.

"I'm not a hero," I say with a shake of my head.

"Well...sure you are!" Felix says emphatically. "What you did during the Rebellion...with the Star Squad...fighting your way through the Capitol..."

"Doing that doesn't make me a hero," I say, shaking my head. "What I was, was scared...all the time."

"All of Panem owes you, and everyone else in the Rebellion, a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid," Felix says fervently. I sigh. He's been watching too many of Plutarchs propos.

"Thanks for the tea," I say.

"You're quite welcome, sir," Felix says. "Would you like something else?"

"No, thank you," I say, "Listen, you don't need to stand around in here. Go relax somewhere. It's a long ride."

"I'm not supposed to leave -" he starts to say. I put up my hand.

"If anyone asks, I'll tell them I told you to go away," I say with another smile.

Felix looks doubtful, but finally nods and heads for the door. He pauses at the door and looks back at me.

"No one's ever asked my name before," he says quietly.

"Things are different now," I reply. He nods and slips through the door, leaving me to my thoughts.

**PART II**

I sip my tea slowly as I watch the scenery slip by. I laugh to myself when I think of Felix's words. A hero? No...I'm no hero. I'm a murderer.

I was able to convince myself after my first games that the deaths I had a hand in were out of mercy, in the case of Holland, the District Eight girl that Cato stabbed and left for dead; or accidental, like Finch, the District Five girl that Katniss called Foxface, who had been following me while I gathered edible plants, not knowing that the berries I had gathered were poisonous nightlock; or out of self defense, in the case of Cato during our fight at the Cornucopia.

But Brutus...Brutus was different. That last night in the clock arena, after Katniss (shudder) and I had been Reaped a second time, was a madhouse. Neither Katniss (!) or I had any idea of the planned escape from the arena. All I knew was that we had been separated when all hell broke loose. Chaff, the one armed District Eleven Tribute, and one of Haymitch Abernathy's closest ( and only) friends, was viciously killed by Brutus. I was so enraged by this that I tracked Brutus down and deliberately killed him out of anger. Not self defense, not defending any of my alliance. Rage was what fueled me as I hacked at him with my machete. And I stood over his blood spattered corpse, and raised my dripping machete over my head, and screamed out in triumph, in the finest Hunger Games tradition.

I can't help but thing that Cato, Clove, Glimmer, Marvel, and Chelsea would have been oh, so proud of me in that moment...because I became just like them.

Then there's Mitchell. Steady, reliable, totally unremarkable Mitchell. Mitchell, a deadly accurate marksman. Mitchell, who died during one of my "episodes," while Squad 451 was in the Capitol. Killed because he was trying to save...HER... from me.

No doubt about it. There's too much blood on my hands for me to ever be able to clean off.

As the sun begins to set behind the train, throwing out ever lengthening shadows, I reflect that the best decision that I could have made was in asking for a train to take me home, rather than a hoverplane. Haymitch and...HER...flew back to Twelve. Haymitch wanted to get...HER...home as quickly as possible after Dr. Aurelius agreed to release her from his care, with the stipulation that Haymitch look after her and that she calls Aurelius regularly.

That causes a little bitter chuckle to rise up inside me. Haymitch can't even take care of himself, let alone...someone else. He probably crawled into a bottle the instant they left the Capitol. And I bet that SHE hasn't talked one time to Aurelius. In fact, he specifically asked me to make sure that I tell her that he can't treat her if she doesn't answer his calls.

I drain my tea cup and set it down on the saucer with a clatter. Yes, this was the best way to travel. Gives me time to think. Time to...find some strength inside me for what I know is to come. I hear the door open behind me.

"Sir?" Felix's quiet voice says, "It's starting to get late. Are you getting hungry? A little dinner, perhaps?"

I turn and face him. For the first time, I really look at him. Definitely Capitol...facial tattoos, but not too many. Piercings of course. But his hair...sunset orange. Behind him through the windows I can see the real sunset paint a picture in the same colors. Suddenly, I feel calm. Calmer than I have in days.

"Yes, I am getting hungry," I hear myself saying.

"If you like, I can bring you something here, or there's a buffet being prepared in the next car..."

I stand up awkwardly. My Robo-leg was stiffening up. "No...I'll check out the buffet," I say, "I need to walk around a bit anyway." Felix steps aside and gestures with his arm.

"Thanks, Felix. I know the way," I say with a small smile. Of course I know the way. I know every inch of this train. As I pass Felix suddenly I feel a shock of recognition jolt through me. Of course I had seem him before...Tribute Trains had a large staff of Capitol Attendants. But...I had spoken with him before...

_I sit in the television room on the Tribute Train, heading back to the Capitol after being Reaped for a second time. Unable to sleep, I've been watching tapes of previous games, now that we know who our competition will be. Studying how these other Victors...the ones we'll be facing in the arena...fight, move, and think...well, it may be what I need to keep Katniss alive._

_I've been watching the tape of Brutus's Games. He had won the year before Haymitch. District Two, Career all the way. One of Two's most popular Victors ever. I hear the door open and see Katniss walking into the room. I stop the tape._

_"Couldn't sleep?" I ask._

_"Not for long," Katniss replies as she pulls her robe closer about her._

_"Want to talk about it?" I ask. I've known about her nightmares for months...even before our Victory Tour, when we started sleeping together in an effort to stave off the terrors that visited us both almost every night. Some nights we actually succeeded. It's not much, drawing comfort from each other...but it's a start._

_Katniss shakes her head. She never wants to talk about them. I understand. I do the only thing I can do to offer her comfort. For the first time since the Quarter Quell was announced, I hold out my arms to her._

_Katniss doesn't hesitate, but walks directly into my arms. Ever since the Quell was announced, I've been pushing her...and Haymitch too...training like Careers. Making her angry with me, I know. But she HAS to win. She has people that need her. No one needs me._

_But as her arms wrap around my neck and I feel her press her body tightly against mine, all that fades away. How I've missed this! Holding her, feeling the warmth radiate from her, smelling her hair...like I do now, burying my face in her hair, inhaling deeply, then leaning forward and gently kissing her throat, feeling her trembling slightly. There's no cameras here. No crowds to please. Just us. This is real...so real..._

_I hear the door open and Katniss sits up suddenly, disengaging herself from me guiltily. In spite of the horror of our situation, I can't help but smile at her reaction...like it was her mother walking in on us in her living room or something. At that moment, she's really a seventeen year old girl, and I'm a seventeen year old boy._

_A Capitol Attendant walks in with a tray holding a steaming jug and two mugs. Katniss must have ordered this before she came in. He sets the tray on a table._

_"I brought an extra cup," he says._

_"Thanks," Katniss says to him._

_"And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice." He pauses, seeming like he wants to say more, then I see his head shake slightly and he backs out of the room._

"You brought us milk. After we were reaped for the Quell," I say quietly to Felix.

"Yes," he says with a smile. "You remembered."

"You seemed upset about something then," I say.

Felix hesitates. Talking freely is not something anyone is used to. Finally, he nods.

"We all were," he admits. "None of us were happy that you had to go back to the Games."

"Why?" I ask. "Why did that upset you?"

"Because...well, because you two seemed so...happy together. You earned the right to be left alone...to live your lives. Because...you two were in love. I could tell...when I walked in with the milk. The way you were holding each other."

"Thank you," I say softly.

"You're welcome, sir...but for what?" Felix asks.

"For caring," I say simply.

**PART III**

In spite of my fears, I spent a relatively restful night on the train. Only a couple of nightmares invaded my sleep. I wake up feeling almost rested.

I get up, shower, and get dressed. I walk into the dining car and see that a breakfast buffet has already been laid out for me. It feels so strange that I'm the sole passenger on this train...that everything here is for me. As I fill up my plate, another attendant appears.

"Sir, I've been asked to tell you that we should be arriving at District Twelve in an hour or so, and that a car will be there to take you to your home." The Attendant says.

"Thank you," I reply. He nods once and leaves me alone to eat. As I eat I gaze out the window at the scenery flowing by. No longer the flat plains, the terrain now looked much more familiar. Mountainous, more rugged...more like home.

I feel dread begin to seep into me the closer we get to the district. I know that Twelve was firebombed on the night of the breakout from the clock arena, and that it was almost entirely destroyed. Only the houses in Victors Village were spared the destruction. I had been told that rebuilding efforts had been ongoing for months now, and that most of the rubble had been cleared away. Still, District Twelve was just a shadow of its former self.

Like me. And...HER.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to face her. Dr. Aurelius has worked miracles with me...my "episodes" are coming less and less frequently, and he assured me that being around and seeing...HER...would get easier and easier. I hope he's right...and I hope that Haymitch can help me cope.

As I finish my breakfast, my thoughts keep returning to...Katniss. There, I can think her name without shuddering, or spasming, or without my mind being invaded by those shiny false memories. A part of me still wants to kill her...but a much bigger part of me remembers that I love her.

Will she be happy to see me? Sad? Angry? Will she try to hug me...or will she run away? How will she look? Probably as bad as me, I say to myself, chuckling. My burns are still healing, my new scars still red and fresh. But there's only one thing that truly matters to me.

Does she...can she...will she ever...love me?

I've said the words to her often enough. She knows how I feel. And her actions with me...those couldn't all have been fake. I remember moments with her...just the two of us...when she could act naturally with me. And she didn't push me away.

But will I push her away?

I hope not...but I just don't know.

I hear the door to the compartment open, then close. The same Attendant as before stands before my table.

"Sir, we'll be arriving in just a few minutes," he says. As if on cue, I can feel the train begin to slow.

"Do you have any personal belongings that you wish to collect now?" He asks. I shake my head.

"No," I say, "I have nothing."

He nods once. "Would you follow me, then, please?" He leads me to a different car. I recognize it as the one that Katniss...and I...had been in when we arrived back in the district after our first Games...an observation car with large glass windows and a sliding door. I remember standing there with her, still in shock at her revelation that her actions in the arena had been...mostly...an act.

As I feel the train slow even more, and the district finally come into view, I find myself groping blindly with my hand...looking for her hand to hold...but she's not there. I'm glad I had viewed pictures and film of the district before I left the Capitol. It went a long way to lessening the shock of what I see laid out before me.

In spite of the clean up efforts, there are still mounds of rubble and ash. I can see new construction going on everywhere. I had been told that the mines were permanently closed, and that District Twelve now would produce food, and later facilities would be constructed to produce medicines for the rest of Panem.

The train station comes into view. It's new as well. Simple in design, wood construction. I swallow heavily and feel my hands shaking. Would she be here...meeting me? No, of course not...only Haymitch had been informed...and the Capitol representatives, of course. No, only a driver will be here to greet me on my homecoming. I clench my hands into fists to stop the shaking as the train rolls slowly to a stop.

I take a deep breath. The doors slide open. I hesitate for just a brief moment, then step out of the train onto the platform. No cameras, no cheering crowds, just a solitary figure standing there with his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes make contact with mine and he nods once, slowly. I inhale deeply. The smell of freshly cut wood and paint mixes with the older smell of ash...and death. I feel a slight shudder pass through me as I walk towards the man waiting patiently for me.

Once again...I was home.

**A/N: Okay, I hope that I can do this story line justice! I have seen so many wonderful post-Mockingjay fics, that I was really hesitant to try one of my own. So please review, and suggestions are always welcome! And don't worry, unlike my previous stories, this will DEFINITELY have eventual Everlark! **


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 - REUNION **

**PART I**

I walk towards the man standing there waiting for me. I know he's here for me. There's no one else in the station.

"Mr. Mellark? We have a car waiting for you, sir," the man says, "Would you come this way, please?"

I examine him quickly. No piercings, no visible tattoos, hair looks to be a natural color. He doesn't look like he's from the Capitol.

"You're not Capitol," I say. It's a statement, not a question. He shakes his head.

"No, sir," he says, "I'm from District Six originally."

"I didn't think you were from the Capitol," I say.

"That's correct. This way, sir," he says formally, gesturing for me to follow him. I fall in slightly behind him as we walk out of the new station. Once outside, the smell of burnt things assails my nose again. We walk towards a car parked in front of the station. He trots ahead a few steps and opens the passenger door for me. I climb in and he moves to the other side of the car, opens the driver door, and gets in. Wordlessly he starts the car and pulls away from the station.

We drive slowly through District Twelve. I see almost no one. Not surprising, considering that it's still very early in the morning...and considering that ninety percent of the population of the district died during the Capitol's firebombing. We were always the smallest, least populous district. Now there's only about nine hundred of us left...and not everyone that evacuated has returned.

Still, I can see that progress has been made. A lot of the rubble has been cleared away. New buildings are going up. And the people that I do see...there's something about them that I didn't think I would ever see in District Twelve.

They look happy.

As we drive towards the Village, I can now appreciate why a car was sent for me. It's a fairly easy walk from the station to the Village, but I would have had to walk by so many places that simply weren't there any more. The apothecary, the shoe shop, the Mayor's house, the butcher shop...the bakery. I stare straight ahead as we drive. I'll see everything eventually...just not today.

"Do you take morphling?" I ask the driver suddenly.

"Excuse me?" The driver says in surprise.

"Morphling. Do you take morphling?" I ask again.

"No. No...sir. I don't," he says tightly.

"Oh. I heard that was a problem in your district. I knew a couple from Six. They were both addicted," I explain.

"I...see. Well, I'm not," he says. I can tell by his tone that I've offended him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," I say quietly.

"It's alright. I know...that you've been through...a lot," the driver replies.

The car turns into the Village entrance. I never thought I would see this place again. I can see that most of the homes here are occupied...by families involved with the rebuilding. It makes sense to use the mansions here. Each one could easily fit two or even three families. I can see kids playing outside some of them. Only four homes look deserted. Kathleen O'Sullivan's, Haymitch's, Katniss's...and mine.

The car stops in front of mine. "Here we are, sir," the driver says. I nod and open the car door. I slowly get out of the car. I turn back to the driver.

"Thanks for the ride," I say.

"You're welcome, sir," he says quietly, "And Mr. Mellark? Welcome home."

I nod as he pulls the car away from the curb. I turn back to my house and slowly walk to the front door.

**PART II**

It's been almost nine months since I have been in this house. The last time was the morning of the very last Reaping day, where we were forced to attend that sham of a reaping. I reach over to the light switch in the foyer, and I'm surprised when the lights blaze to life. I halfway expected them not to work.

I wander aimlessly through my house. Aside from a film of dust, everything is exactly as I left it. I enter the kitchen and open a few cupboards and the refrigerator. The refrigerator was empty, of course...I had given away whatever was left in it the day before the Reaping. Likewise any perishable items that were in my cupboards and pantry. The living room is the same, likewise the dining room, with one exception...I had three portraits hanging in the dining room: one of Haymitch, one of Katniss with Una and Prim, and one of Katniss alone, holding a dandelion in her hands. All three were still there, but defaced - slashed with knives and splattered with paint. A final calling card from the late President Coriolanus Snow.

I walk upstairs. My studio was as I left it, but every non-Games related portrait in there, including some Games related portraits that were positive depictions of Katniss - were all defaced in some way. I shut the door as I leave the room. It will probably be a while before going back in.

My bedroom looked like I had just walked out five minutes before. Out of habit I step to the window and look across the way towards Katniss's house. Her house, and Haymitch's as well, look totally deserted, but I know that's not the case. Idly I wonder what happened to Prim's goat.

Prim. I hadn't allowed myself to think of her for a long time. Primrose Everdeen, the girl that Katniss volunteered for. My friend. A girl that had become virtually a little sister to me as well. The wisest thirteen year old I ever knew.

Suddenly memories of her - sitting out on my front porch with me while holding her cat, Sunday afternoon baking sessions, taking care of Typhoid victims during the epidemic, walking home from school with Katniss, studying medicine in District Thirteen - the memories flooded over me relentlessly and, without warning, a sob tore out of my chest and I sank to my knees on my bedroom carpeting, bowing my head as tears dripped freely from my eyes.

She had been a child, not even fourteen, forced to grow up way too fast. And she died in an instant, doing what she loved to do - help others in pain. A natural healer.

"You would've made a great doctor, little sister," I whisper.

Suddenly I can't stay in here any more. I lurch to my feet, half fall down the stairs, and stagger outside. It's still fairly early in the morning as I walk up the street towards the Village entrance. I have no particular destination in mind, but soon my feet have taken me to the Meadow.

The Meadow. Where Katniss and Prim harvested dandelions. Where Katniss found a weakness in the fence that held us all prisoner here in Twelve, and allowed her a taste of something that hardly anyone else that lived here could ever hope to have - freedom. Where a large gaping wound in the earth now yawns open - a mass grave for the nameless thousands that died here in that one hellish night. I see large earth moving machines, silent now, waiting to cover the cremated remains of my friends and neighbors.

The fence. Just beyond the hole the fence still stands. No longer solid, with large gaps and holes torn in it...a reminder of our servitude to the Capitol, now a symbol of our new freedom. Beyond the fence, the woods that Katniss so dearly loved. The woods that brought her and her family food for so many years. The woods that, until today, I never dared to enter.

As if my feet had minds of their own, I found myself on the other side of the fence, walking towards the woods. My only prior experience with forests had been in my two Games...not exactly a positive memory. But as I walk deeper into the green, the early morning air cool around me, I come to understand why Katniss loved being out here so much.

I had only just penetrated the first stand of trees beyond the fence when I saw a stand of bushes growing in front of me. I stop and stare at the blossoms, recognizing the delicate flowers, and I suddenly realize that my being here was no accident - chance didn't take me here. These bushes were here in my path for a reason. These flowers were much more than pretty blossoms. They were the bridge that I needed to build between Katniss and I.

The flowers were evening primrose.

I spun around and ran from the forest as fast as my withered muscles and Robo-Leg could carry me. Lungs burning with the effort, muscles trembling from unaccustomed exertion, I found myself quickly back in the Village. Ransacking first my own homes outbuilding, then Haymitch's, I soon found what I was looking for, and immediately retraced my steps.

My breath was coming in trembling gasps, hair plastered to my forehead, sweat stinging my eyes as I pushed the wheelbarrow through the Meadow, past the mass grave, and through the fence into the forest. Soon I was standing in front of the bushes, chest heaving with exertion. I didn't hesitate but grabbed the shovel and started to dig. The bushes were easier to uproot than I thought, and soon I have five plants in my wheelbarrow.

I pushed my prize out of the forest, back through the fence, past the grave, and on into the Village. I encountered a few people along the way. Some I remembered from before, as I saw them do double takes as they walked past, whispering and pointing. I paid them no attention. I had a job to do.

Soon I was standing at the side of Katniss's house. I survey the ground, then the bushes, then I grab the shovel and start to dig. My hands were already blistered from digging the plants up, raw with innumerable tiny cuts and scratches. I felt nothing. No pain, no discomfort. My mind was focused solely on my task. I continued to dig.

Dimly I hear a door slam as if from far away. I don't stop digging. I wipe my face awkwardly on the sleeve of my shirt. I feel a blister pop on the palm of my right hand. I keep digging.

"You're back."

**PART III**

I stiffen at the sound of her voice. I can feel my teeth bite the inside of my cheek until I can taste blood in my mouth. I take a deep breath, straighten up, turn, and face her for the first time in months.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I say in a surprisingly steady voice. "By the way, he said to tell you that he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."

Katniss looks awful. She's lost weight that she can't afford to lose. Her hair, once so lustrous, is dull, clumpy, matted, and uneven where it had burned away and is now regrowing. She pushes her hair out of her eyes as she stares at me. I can see healing scars on her thin arms, shoulders and face. Her gray eyes are dull.

She's never looked more beautiful to me.

Gone - at least hidden for now - is the mutt that the Capitol tried so desperately to convince me she was. The monster that I tried so hard to kill in District Thirteen has been replaced by this skinny, sickly, scarred apparition that's staring at me with a look that at once seems to combine fear, anger, and happiness.

"What are you doing?" She finally asks.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," I explain. Does she understand that I had come to love her sister as my own sister that I never had? "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."

I see emotion blaze across her impassive face. First, a flash of anger, just as quickly followed by grief, then...something else. Katniss just nods once, then turns and runs back into her house. I hear her door slam shut. I turn back to my work. I want to get these bushes planted as quickly as possible.

"That went rather well, don't you think?" A familiar voice asks in a mocking tone. I straighten back up.

"Hello, Haymitch," I say evenly. "You're up early."

Haymitch regards me with his watery, bloodshot eyes. "Getting harder and harder to sleep, what with all our...new neighbors." He indicates the other homes with a sweep of his hand. I see a liquor bottle clenched in his fist.

"I thought you were supposed to be watching after her," I say accusingly. Haymitch just shrugs.

"I am, kid," he says reasonably. "Greasy Sae comes over every day and makes sure she eats. She's quiet, doesn't cause any trouble. I check on her personally every day. How much mischief can she get into sitting in a rocking chair all day long staring at a wall?"

"Dammit, that's not what I mean and you know it!" I shout. "Have you SEEN her? She's...she's..."

"Hey, take it easy," Haymitch says. "I know what she looks like. But she's made it very clear that she wants none of my armchair psychiatry. I'm keeping her alive, and giving her exactly what she wants...which is to be left alone."

I ponder this for a moment. Does she resent me planting these bushes for Prim? Suddenly I feel that the bridge I'm trying to build is never going to reach the other side of the chasm between us.

"Peeta," Haymitch says gently, "She's - changed. A lot. She's not the same Katniss you knew...and loved. She...she may never be. And if you try to push it..."

"I'm not the same, either," I say bitterly. "Thanks to Snow. And the Games."

"None of us are, kid," Haymitch says softly. My mind is a jumble of confusing thoughts.

"I love her...real or not real?" I ask Haymitch suddenly.

"Real," he says firmly. "Very, very real." I nod my head slowly.

"I'm just...it's sometimes...I can't tell anymore," I say weakly.

_I'm laying naked on a stainless steel table, my head, arms, hands, legs and feet securely strapped down. A single, intensely bright light burns over my head. Even when I shut my eyes tightly, it's light penetrates my eyelids. I can't remember the last time I slept. Every time I feel myself start to drift off, the sensors taped to my face and head send some kind of alert, and water is sprayed into my face. I'm tired...so tired. I have no idea what time it is...or what day it is. Day and night have lost all meaning for me._

_I hear the door behind me open, then close. Footsteps. Then...a voice that chills me. _

_"Hello again, Peeta," the female voice purrs. My Interrogator. I don't know her name. A Capitol woman with her ears almost obscured by piercings. Unnatural scarlet hair. Skin the color of fresh snow. Yellow, feral cat's eyes. Ever present white lab coat._

_"Hel..hello," I croak. I don't want to speak but learned very early in my confinement to pick my battles carefully. I can now see her looming over me. Her assistant, some nameless Peacekeeper, stands silently behind her._

_I jerk suddenly when I hear agonized screams coming from the cell next to mine. I recognize them immediately. Johanna._

_"Ahh, it must be time for Miss Mason's morning...bath," the Interrogator says with a smile. "Well, let's not waste time. Where shall we begin?"_

_"Can't...tell you...anything," I say painfully. "Neither...can...Johanna."_

_The Interrogator laughs. "Oh, Peeta! She's part of the Rebellion! Of COURSE she can tell us...things! And she will...eventually. Like why she helped Katniss Everdeen escape. And why Katniss Everdeen abandoned you in the arena when she could have easily saved you as well."_

_I try to shake my head against the strap. "No...she didn't...abandon," I gasp out._

_I feel the Interrogators cool hand on my forehead. "Oh, you poor naive boy," she says gently, "I'm so sorry...but she did. Because, you see, she felt that you were expendable from the very start. Just a piece to be used and discarded. And, here you are." _

_"No!" I say. "Katniss...would never..."_

_"Oh, but she did...and I'm here to help you 'understand' that," she says in the same gentle tone. She stand up and gestures to the Peacekeeper. He steps forward and I feel a sharp pinch on my right nipple as he clamps something to it. Next, I grit my teeth in shame and embarrassment as I feel him clamping something sharply to...my privates. I strain to look down and see what they've done. I can barely make out wires attached to my body._

_"We're going to try something different, today, Peeta...since you insist on living this fantasy that Katniss Everdeen actually cares for you. It's a very old technique called 'operant conditioning'. It's a fancy way of saying that we reward success...and punish failure." She gestures to the Peacekeeper and he holds up a device. A telephone with a crank on the side._

_"You sound very thirsty, Peeta. Would you like something to drink?" I don't answer...but in truth I'm so thirsty, I can barely talk. I feel a straw brush my lips and, hating myself, I open my mouth and suck on the straw greedily, gulping the cool water. The straw is suddenly removed._

_"That's an example of 'reward,' Peeta. As for punishment -" She makes a gesture and suddenly agony shoots through my body. I feel myself arch up against the straps so violently that the edges cuts my skin. Just as suddenly the agony stops and I slump against the table._

_"Alright. Lesson's over. Time to get started." I hear a scraping noise as the Interrogator brings a stool closer to the table. _

_"An easy question for you to start with. Does Katniss Everdeen care for you?"_

_"Yes." Searing pain shoots through me. I can feel blood dripping down my arms, hands and feet from the straps. It stops. I let out a sob and hate myself for it._

_"One more time, Peeta. Does Katniss care what happens to you?"_

_"Y-Yes." I clamp my mouth shut to stifle my scream. I'm not successful. I never knew something could hurt this bad. Relief once again. I feel tears rolling down the sides of my face._

_"Peeta, you know she could care less about you, right?"_

_"Please...please," I gasp. "Oh, wrong answer AGAIN, Peeta!" Oh please, make it stop, make it stop, makeitstop makeitstop MAKEITSTOP! I hear screaming and realize it's me. Then...sudden, blessed relief._

_I'm sobbing openly now. The Interrogator's face appears above me. "Oh, poor Peeta," she says sympathetically. I'm gasping through my clenched teeth._

_"You can make this stop, you know," she says gently. "Does Katniss care for you?"_

_I squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe if I just don't answer - NO! I'm on fire! Please! No more! IT'S TOO MUCH!_

_"No..." I gasp and hate myself even more. The fire's gone._

_"What did you say, Peeta?" The Interrogator asks. "I'm not sure I heard you correctly, though. Does Katniss care for you? Does she care what happens to you?"_

_"No," I whisper as fresh tears roll down the sides of my face. Suddenly the straw is back. I suck the water eagerly into my mouth. This time it's sweetened with something. _

_"Was that good?" She asks. I nod weakly against the strap. It's quiet next door now._

_"Miss Mason must be clean now," My Interrogator says with a chuckle. "Okay, next question. Do you love Katniss Everdeen?"_

_"Yes." Oh NO! PLEASE! I can feel my hands clenching spasmodically, my nails digging into my palms. I feel my bladder suddenly empty onto the table. My screams echo in the small room. Then - blissful relief._

_"Oh, Peeta - such a hard lesson the first time. Let's not go through that again, shall we?"_

_"Now...let's try this again," she says brightly. "Do you love Katniss Everdeen?"_

_I'm so sorry, Katniss. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger for you. I'm openly crying and I don't care. _

_"No," I say, choking on the word. More sweet water passes my lips. I want to spit it in her face. Instead, I swallow._

_"Unhook him," the Interrogator orders. The painful clamps are immediately removed._

_"That's enough of that for one day, don't you think?" _

_"Yes," I whisper._

_She turns to the Peacekeeper. "Clean him up. I'll be right back." I hear the door open, then slam shut. Wordlessly, the Peacekeeper sponges me down, then towels me dry. By the time he's done, the Interrogator has returned. _

_"We're almost done for today, Peeta," she explains. I see a syringe in her hand. _

_"What's that?" I ask dully._

_"Oh, just a little...something...that will help reinforce our lesson today," she says with a smile. She quickly swabs the base of my neck them she pushes the needle in and pushes the plunger down._

_I grunt at the burning sensation, but it's not anything like...before. Still, there's something familiar about this feeling...like I've felt this...stuff...before. My vision gets blurry and tunneled and it's suddenly hard to focus._

_I feel the table being tilted up until I'm almost vertical. I hear a switch being flicked behind me...then a Holo-TV projector is projecting images on the wall in front of me. I frown in confusion. She wants me to watch television?_

_The burning in my neck eases but never quite goes away. Still, I can live with it. I start to recognize the images in front of me. Katniss...during the Games._

_"Just a little entertainment for you, Peeta," the Interrogator explains, "The video is two hours long. Make sure you watch it, then afterwards we'll feed you and let you sleep tonight."_

_Sleep! I can't remember the last time I slept. I find myself nodding against the strap._

_"Good boy," she purrs. "Enjoy the movie!" I hear the door slam behind me as they leave. I keep focused on the screen...but things don't seem right. I just saw...I just saw Katniss...kill Rue! No, that's not how it happened..._

_"That's not right," I whisper, "That's not right." But on the wall, the hologram shows Katniss standing over Rue's corpse, head thrown back, screaming out in victory._

"It's just so hard, Haymitch," I say, shuddering as my memory...oh too real...lingers in my head.

Haymitch puts his hand on my shoulder. "I know," he says gently, "Welcome home, anyway, kid."

With that, Haymitch turns to leave. He doesn't say goodbye. Neither do I.

I sigh and turn back to my work. I'm planting the first bush when I see Greasy Sae out of the corner of my eye walking up to Katniss's house. Coming to make her some breakfast, no doubt. I turn back to my work.

Later, I'm aware of Katniss's front door opening, then closing again. I think it's Sae at first, but Katniss appears, walking briskly towards the entrance to the Village. I can see that she's cleaned herself up and done her hair in it's signature braid...or attempted to, anyway. She's wearing her fathers old leather jacket and carrying...a bow and a quiver of arrows. She doesn't even so much as glance in my direction. I smile.

Finally, all five bushes are planted. I step back to admire my handiwork. Both hands are masses of blisters, popped and unpopped. I'm a sweaty, trembling mess. Wearily I gather up the shovel and dump it in the wheelbarrow to take back to Haymitch's.

"Looks nice," a voice from behind me says. I whirl around in alarm. It's Greasy Sae.

"Thanks," I mumble, embarrassed at being so startled.

"Relax, Peeta," Sae says with a laugh. "You're among friends here, you know."

"Am I?" I ask, indicating Katniss's house with a sweep of my hand.

"Especially her...her most of all," Sae says quietly. I snort in derision.

"Peeta...did you know that today is the first day in WEEKS that she's taken a decent shower? Did her hair? Changed her clothes? Decided to go hunting? I don't think she did all that on a whim," Sae says firmly. "She did that ONLY after seeing you."

I say nothing. I don't dare hope for anything. Hope is a dangerous thing. And I don't entirely trust myself.

"Peeta, she needs you...whether she realizes it or not right now," Sae says gently. "And you need her. Of all the people in this world, you are the only two that can understand each other."

"I don't know her anymore," I say flatly. "And I don't even know myself."

"Tell me how you feel about her," Sae says. I shudder briefly. No, she's not the Interrogator. I can answer. But I don't.

"You love her, don't you?" she asks.

"Real," I whisper.

"What?" Sae asks, confused. I remember. She doesn't know how to play this game. I give her an answer that she can understand.

"Yes," I admit, "Yes, I love her. I love Katniss Everdeen."

"That's a start," she says, "Now why don't you go home and clean up." I nod.

Sae turns to go back to the house. I push Haymitch's wheelbarrow back to his house and carefully put his shovel and the barrow back where I got them. Wearily I trudge back to my house.

I strip off my filthy clothes and leave them in a pile in the middle of my bedroom. I stumble into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I stand under the steaming water for a long time, washing all the dirt off, feeling the soap stinging my blistered hands.

I towel myself off and dress in shorts and a t shirt, grateful that my clothes, at least, were left alone. Wearily, I lay across my bed. How different things were the last time I slept her. I firmly believed I would never see this bed again then.

Tomorrow, I say to myself, tomorrow I'll bake something. But for now...I just need sleep. Even though it's mid afternoon, I feel my eyes closing with exhaustion. One last thought crosses my mind before sleep takes me.

Welcome home, Peeta.

**I hope that Peeta's torture flashback wasn't to explicit or offensive! I just wanted to show some of what I think he went through during his hijacking. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. This fic is far more emotionally draining than "A Tale of Two Victors," that's for sure. Please remember to review and suggestions are always welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 - THE VILLAGE**

**PART I**

I awaken sometime during the night. My old friend, the nightmare, has interrupted my sleep once again. My sheets are tangled around me, body drenched in sweat, heart pounding. All those old familiar feelings.

I kick myself free from my sheets and get out of bed. I stumble into the bathroom and answer my call of nature. As I leave the bathroom I automatically step to my window. I peer out at the rest of the Village.

As I expected, there was a single light burning in Katniss's house. Her bedroom window. I felt a pang in my chest when I thought about how lonely it must be for her over there. I had a moments urge to cross the street, go into her house, and comfort her. That would be disastrous, though...for both of us.

Yesterdays brief meeting was, in a word, tense. We were treating each other almost as strangers. I am still feeling the effects of the hijacking although yesterday I was able to control the worst of it.

Damn Snow. Damn Capitol.

I look at the house next to Katniss's. There's a light on at Haymitch's place also, on the first floor. Not surprising there. Haymitch doesn't sleep much at night. What is surprising is the other houses in the Village. Every other house that I can see is brightly lit. Through my open window I can hear sounds that I've never heard in the Village before - laughter, animated conversation, and music...the sounds of fiddles, guitars, and harmonicas mixed with the other sounds.

Curiosity finally gets the best of me. I slip on a pair of pants and shove my feet into a pair of shoes, thankful that my clothes were not disturbed. I had arrived from the Capitol this morning with nothing but the clothes on my back. After getting dressed I walked downstairs and out my front door.

I walked slowly down the street towards a group of brightly lighted homes. I can see people outside now, standing in front of some of the mansions or walking from one house to another. Laughter was everywhere. Animated conversations, the smell of cooking, and music playing filled the air.

I stopped. I suddenly feel like an outsider - an interloper. Someone that doesn't belong here. I should just turn around and go home. It just doesn't feel right that I -

As I turn to go home I accidentally bump someone half running up the street.

"Excuse me," I mumble.

"Oh no! I'm sorry! I wasn't watching...Peeta?" It was a girl about my age...and she obviously knew me. "Peeta Mellark?"

I squint at her, trying to see who it is in the darkness. "Uhh...yes," I stammer.

The girl laughs. "It's Leevy, Peeta! Remember? I was Katniss's neighbor in the Seam!"

"Leevy? Oh, wow! How are you?" Relief washes over me. I remember seeing Leevy in District Thirteen. Not quite a friend of Katniss's, as one of the few firebombing survivors she was a welcome sight. Leevy was slightly built, with that typical Seam look - dark hair, olive skin, and grayish eyes.

"I'm fine! When did you get in?" She asks as she hugs me enthusiastically. I awkwardly return her hug, feeling self conscious.

"Uhh...this morning. First thing," I answer.

Leevy hooks her arm through mine and shouts, "Everyone! Looks who's back! It's Peeta Mellark!"

The last thing I wanted was to be the center of attention, but, thanks to Leevy's well meant announcement, I can see that's gonna be impossible. People come streaming from the various houses, slapping me on the back, shaking my hand, hugging me. I hardly know any by name although all look familiar to me...all except one.

"About time you came back, slacker!" Blake Carrow, my old wrestling teammate, is hugging me tightly. I didn't even know that he had made it out the night of the firebombing. I had never seen him in Thirteen.

I hug him back with enthusiasm. "Good to see you too, Blake!" We pound each other on the back as Leevy looks on with a smile.

"I swear, I'll never understand boys and this need they have for beating each other up when they haven't seen each other in a while," she says with a grin.

"It's a guy thing, Leevy," says Blake with a wink.

"So what is this? A party?" I ask.

Both Blake and Leevy laugh. "Oh, no...this is our nightly steam blowing session," says Blake, somewhat grimly.

"I don't understand," I admit.

"Peeta, we're all working cleanup in town," Leevy explains gently. "We are going to each...well, what used to be each building, and going through the ash before the demolition crews get there...looking for...well..." Her voice trails off.

"Bodies...or parts of bodies...or bones," Blake finishes for her. "Mostly bones if anything now. Animals got in right after the fires went out and...dragged a lot of the...bodies and body parts...away. Wild dogs, mostly, is our guess."

"And when we're done going through the ash...we mark the site so the demolition crews can remove everything else," Leevy explains.

There's an awkward silence for a few moments, then some other people walk up to us to greet me. Another round of handshakes and hugs. Someone presses a glass into my hand. I take a cautious sip, only to discover that it's lemonade. Idly I wonder where they got the lemons from.

"So Peeta...have you seen Katniss yet?" Leevy asks.

"Yes," I said, feeling myself tense at her name. I clench my jaw and breath slowly and deeply. Now would NOT be a good time for a hijacking attack.

"And?" Leevy presses.

"And...nothing," I reply. "I need to sit down," I say suddenly.

"Are you okay?" Leevy asks anxiously, as Blake goes searching for a chair or stool. He comes back quickly with a small stool.

"I'll be okay. Just give me a moment," I reply. I sink down onto the stool gratefully. I quickly down the lemonade and carefully set the glass down.

"So...how's Katniss, Peeta?" Leevy asks. I sigh heavily. This girl can't take a hint.

"I don't really know, Leevy," I say evenly. "We basically just said hi to each other. She looks awful, if you want to know the truth. She looks how I feel. Now, please...I don't want to talk about her anymore.

"I understand, Peeta," Leevy says softly.

"I was at her house planting bushes," I suddenly blurt.

"What? Bushes?" Blake says.

"Yeah. I went into the forest and dug them up. Then I used a wheelbarrow to bring them all back inside the fence. She came out while I was planting them by her house," I explain.

"What kind of bushes, Peeta?" Leevy asks softly.

I clench my eyes tightly shut. No use. "Primrose," I manage to gasp out before my dam bursts and my tears flow freely down my face.

**PART II**

After my minor breakdown, Leevy gently gathered me up and helped me back to my house. Understandably, Blake was a little uncomfortable in seeing his old wrestling teammate sobbing like a baby, so he gladly deferred to Leevy to get me home.

"Peeta, don't worry about what happened back there," Leevy says to me on our walk back to my house, "One of the reasons that you hear so much laughter coming from us back there is because, for us, we either laugh, or we scream. Laughing is much easier."

"Have they...gotten to the bakery yet?" I ask hesitantly. Leevy pauses for a moment, then nods her head.

"Yes," she says gently. "They - found everyone in your home...your old home. Plus one more. They think the extra person was Beth O'Sullivan. They couldn't account for her at the tavern, and she wasn't in the...our group...that Gale led out."

I sigh heavily. Beth. The girl that had a crush on me forever - much like my unrequited love for Katniss. The girl whose mother was from the Out-Districts. The girl that blamed herself for causing the Typhoid epidemic. The girl that finally found a little happiness with my brother Alec.

I hope she didn't suffer. I hope none of them suffered.

I would cry for her, too, except emotionally I'm exhausted. I'm sure that I will, someday. Just not tonight. Leevy guides me into my house.

"You should get some sleep," she says. I shake my head.

"I have to get tired again first," I say, then, "Is there a grocer in town?"

"Not a regular grocer, yet," Leevy replies, "But there's a temporary grocer set up near the Square. They only have staples, though, nothing fancy."

"I don't need anything fancy," I say, "Primarily milk, eggs, and butter."

Leevy grins at me. "Sounds like you'll be doing some baking," she says.

"Yes," I say with a small smile of my own. "It's been way too long."

"They won't be open till tomorrow," Leevy says, "But I can get you what you need tonight. It'll just take a few minutes." Before I can tell her not to worry about it, she's gone. I sigh and start to brew some tea.

True to her word, she's back in less than ten minutes, with two other girls that I don't know. They are all loaded down with everything I said I needed.

"You really didn't have to do this," I start to protest, but Leevy cuts me off.

"It's really no problem," she says, "And besides, this way we all get fresh bread!"

I have to smile at that. Leevy strikes a shrewd deal. "Okay. Fresh bread it is. Now let me get to work!"

**PART III**

Fortunately all of my dry goods - flour, yeast, sugar, salt, rice, among other items - I always sealed in airtight containers. And I had plenty of everything left. Perishables was what I needed the most, and, thanks to Leevy and her friends, I now had enough of those to make a good start.

Baking, for me, had always been therapeutic. I had even worked in the kitchens at District Thirteen. Once, I even managed to squander precious resources in making a wedding cake for Finnick and Annie Odair.

Finnick. He saved my life in the clock arena more than once. The youngest ever Hunger Games Victor, Finnick for years had been the Capitols pretty boy. Like many who had been forced to watch the Games year after year, I had always thought of him to be a shallow, vain person...always preening for the cameras. The real Finnick came out during the Quarter Quell, and later in Thirteen. A kind, brave man...totally devoted to Annie Cresta, another Victor from Finnick's District Four. And fiercely loyal to his friends - especially Katniss. Forced to whore himself out by President Snow, Finnick had eagerly jumped at the chance for revenge during the Rebellion.

Finnick Odair, who would never know his son - who met his end at the claws and teeth of a lizard mutt during the Battle for the Capitol. I hope you didn't suffer, my friend.

I know that Annie had returned to District Four recently. Just as Beetee had returned to Three, Johanna to Seven, and Enobaria to Two. Life goes on.

I stayed up for most of the remainder of that night, baking. Nothing too difficult, just loaf after loaf of wheat bread. As I work, I make a mental list of what I'll need, not only for baking, but for day to day living as well. Idly, I wonder if my computer is still linked to the Capitol, and if I can still order goods through it.

Around dawn, as I was catching a few fitful minutes of sleep on my couch, I find myself awakened to a new sound. I strain my ears to try to identify what was making all that noise outside. It sounded like...honking geese.

At about that time I can hear the faint sounds of a mans voice swearing fluently, mixed in with the sound of frantic honking. I get up from the couch and open my front door. Out in the street was a sight that I honestly never thought I would see.

Haymitch is stumbling up the street, willow switch in hand, frantically trying to steer a gaggle of geese in the direction he wanted. From the nature of his cursing, it doesn't sound like he's having much luck. Red faced and sweating even in the cool of early morning, he finally throws his switch in the general direction of the geese. I can hear others now - my new neighbors, shouting advice at him. Haymitch good naturedly trades insults for a minute or two.

While watching this early morning show, I find myself smiling broadly at the antics of my old Mentor. Then, as he gets more and more frantic, something happens to me inside that I haven't felt in...forever.

I start to laugh.

The more frustrated Haymitch becomes, the louder I laugh. I laugh so hard my sides start to hurt. Tears come to my eyes as I almost double over. I seriously can't remember the last time I laughed at all.

Haymitch finally gives up and sits down in the middle of the street. Still laughing, I retreat into my kitchen and grab a fresh loaf of bread. I walk out of the house and see him still sitting in the same spot. He looks at me sourly as I approach him with the bread, still chuckling.

"Enjoy the show?" He asks sarcastically.

"Immensely," I reply, still grinning as I offer my hand to help him up. He grasps my hand as I pull him to his feet.

"So...geese?" I ask.

Haymitch grunts. "Oh yes. My little contribution to the rebuilding of District Twelve. I keep geese, the geese get fat, we eat the geese and their eggs, new eggs hatch, new geese are born...you know, that whole cycle of life thing."

I say nothing, just raise my eyebrows at him. "Why so surprised? I lost my old job last summer...and there's no more Rebellions to plan. Even though Paylor has assured us remaining Victors that the new government would continue to pay us...well, a mans gotta do something...and I'm too old to learn how to bake!"

"Speaking of baking," I say as I hand him the warm loaf of bread. He takes it wordlessly at first.

Haymitch slowly brings the loaf to his nose and inhales deeply. "I missed this smell," he says simply. "Maybe...things will be alright after all."

"There'll be more," I promise. Haymitch grins at me.

"Welcome back, kid," he says warmly, then surprises me by embracing me.

"Thanks," I say, startled. Haymitch turns to go back to his house, clutching the bread. Hands in my pockets, I turn to go back to my place.

"Peeta," Haymitch says softly. I stop and turn around. Haymitch holds up the loaf. "Thanks."

I smile and nod. "Anytime."

**PART IV**

After returning to my house, I quickly clean up the kitchen, then go upstairs to my room. I make up my bed, pick up my dirty clothes, then brush my teeth, shower, and shave. My beard is still very light but I felt the fuzz earlier. Time to do something about it.

After I get cleaned up I dress quickly, then go downstairs. I gather up all but two of my freshly baked loaves of bread and head outside.

My new neighbors are starting to head to work...combing through burnt wreckage, looking for the remains of their friends, neighbors, and relatives. Each has a filter mask, now hanging loosely under their chins, and each is carrying a heavy pair of gloves.

As groups pass me, I hand each a fresh loaf of bread. Their mood, considerably more somber than last night, brightens noticeably with the bread. I make sure to hand a loaf to Leevy personally. She smiles her thanks.

Finally I have just one loaf left. A crew is approaching, and the guy leading it looks strangely familiar. A couple years older than me, tall, definitely Seam. He makes eye contact with me and his face cracks a big smile.

"Peeta! I heard you were back!" He steps forward and shakes my hand enthusiastically.

"Yeah...I got here yesterday," I say lamely, frantically trying to place him.

"And bread! You sure didn't waste any time!" He says with a smile.

I suddenly recognize this tall man with the easy smile. He was one of Gale Hawthorne's crewmates while they worked in the mines. I remember exactly the first time I met him. His name is Thom.

_Gale Hawthorne is slumped against the whipping post, unconscious, his back a raw bloody mess from the vicious whipping that he just endured at the hands of our new Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread._

_"Gale." Katniss utters the single word as her fingers fumble at the knots that bind him to the post. The left side of her face is already starting to swell from where Thread hit her with his whip. The Peacekeepers are marching off and the crowd that had gathered is quickly dispersing._

_I step forward to help Katniss. Someone hands me a knife and I saw at the ropes until I cut through them. Gale collapses to the ground._

_"Better get him to your mother," Haymitch says._

_Katniss looks around frantically, then spots the old woman that sells clothing. Katniss goes over to her and I see her talking frantically to the woman. She hands the woman a handful of coins and I hear the clothing seller say, "Just don't tell where you got it." Katniss nods as the woman indicates the board that she was using as her counter top. Katniss picks up the board and carries it back to where Gale is laying as the woman packs up the rest of her inventory and quickly leaves._

_Gently we roll Gale face down on the board. He groans slightly but never opens his eyes. The only ones that are left in the Square now are Haymitch, Katniss, myself, and two of Gales crew. Together, Haymitch, myself, and Gales crewmates, Bristel and Thom, lift up the board holding Gale, trying not to jostle him too badly. As we start to walk towards the Village I see Katniss frantically talking to Leevy, then scooping up Gales jacket and running to catch up with us._

"Peeta?" Thom's voice penetrates the place my mind had just gone to...the remembrance of Gales whipping. I smile apologetically.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly. Thom slaps me on the shoulder, and says with a smile and a wink, "No worries...and we'll be expecting bread every morning from now on!"

I laugh and wave at the workers as they leave the Village to go about their grim task. I'm about to go inside the house when I hear someone else call my name. I look up and see Greasy Sae walking from the Village entrance.

"Good morning," I say.

"Hello, Peeta," Sae says warmly. "I'm heading over to fix Katniss some breakfast."

"Oh, great. I have something for her. Wait right here." I dash back into my house and grab a still warm loaf of bread, then hurry back outside to where Sae was waiting.

"Can you take this over to her?" I ask. Sae smiles and shakes her head.

"No, Peeta. I can't. But you can. Have you eaten?"

"Not yet," I say, feeling my stomach tighten at the thought of seeing Katniss again so soon.

"Well, come along then. There's more than enough for everyone. And no arguments!"

There's no way out of it. I sigh and fall in behind Sae as we cross the street to Katniss's house.

Sae doesn't bother to knock, but pushes the front door open. "Katniss? Breakfast time, dear!" She calls out. I reluctantly follow behind her.

Katniss appears from the kitchen. She's cleaned up, and her hair has been brushed, and she's wearing clean clothes. She looks much better than she did the day before. Her eyes widen slightly as she sees me, then narrow...in disapproval? I just want to leave right then and there...

"And look who I found!" Sae says cheerfully.

"Hello, Katniss," I say softly, my voice barely trembling. I hand her the loaf of bread.

"Peeta," Katniss says coolly as she takes the bread from me. I see a ghost of a smile cross her face. As I examine her more closely I can see that she's been crying.

"Thanks," she says simply. I just nod my head.

"You two sit while I get breakfast ready," Sae says. Katniss waves her hand towards the living room. There's a cheery fire blazing in the fireplace. We walk in and sit down, occasionally stealing glances at each other, but in an awkward silence.

Her living room table is covered with letters from all over Panem. I can see that they are all unopened. Some look like they've been there for a while. I suddenly feel something at my feet and look down to see Buttercup slinking between my feet, rubbing his back against my legs and purring contentedly. Like us, he looks awful. Skinny and wounded.

"Oh my gosh...Buttercup!" I reach down and scratch behind his ears. "Did you bring him from Thirteen?" I ask Katniss.

"No," Katniss says quietly. "He just showed up...last night."

"He walked all the way from Thirteen? That's incredible!" I say.

"He was disappointed, though. He was looking for...someone...that's not here," Katniss says, her voice trembling.

"Oh...yeah, I'm sure," I say awkwardly, feeling my own heart ache for Prim. Buttercup jumps up onto my lap.

"He always did like you," Katniss says, "So anyway, he showed up, so this morning I cleaned him up, and took a thorn out of his paw, which made him cry, which made me cry, and then I read the letter from my mother - she's in District Four now - and I cried some more, so I finally called her on the phone and we talked about Prim and we both cried some more, and I don't know why I'm crying now, I feel so stupid!" Katniss is sitting in her chair, sobbing, shoulders shaking...and I'm frozen to my chair.

I want so much to go over to her, to take her in my arms, to let her cry on me - but I can't move. There's no hijacking memories holding me back from her. Just the fact that I don't deserve to comfort her...hold her...keep her safe. Buttercup jumps off my lap, and, to my surprise, jumps on to Katniss's lap. To my even bigger surprise, Katniss gently cradles the cat in her arms as her tears finally subside.

Katniss idly strokes Buttercup as we sit in awkward silence for a few minutes before Katniss speaks.

"I was in town yesterday," she says suddenly.

"I thought you...well, I saw you when...you left. You had your bow with you," I reply.

"I was...I mean, I did go into the woods," she stammers, "But I went in town first."

"Oh," is all I can think of saying.

"I ran into Thom. Do you remember him?" Katniss asks.

"Yes," I nod. "I saw him this morning. Gave him some bread."

"Oh," Katniss says, "Well, he was working at the Mayor's house. Everyone was home...that night."

I felt my stomach tighten at the news. That meant that Madge was home. Beautiful, talented, smart, lonely Madge. The girl that had come to comfort me here one night, and we ended up comforting each other.

"She was...a good friend," I say quietly.

"To me too," Katniss says.

"Yes," I say quietly.

"I know about you and her," she blurts suddenly. I look at her, startled, but she doesn't seem angry. Just a little amused and maybe...sad.

There's no sense in denying it. "She told you?" I ask.

"No," Katniss says, "SHE never said a word. But Delly told me...and...Prim too...when we were in Thirteen. Well, Delly didn't exactly TELL me...not until I asked her about it anyway."

I could feel myself reddening. "Katniss, I -"

"Peeta," she says softly, "Don't apologize. You only went to her because of me. If I hadn't been treating you so badly..."

"So Prim told you?" I ask.

"Yes." She nods. "When you were...while you were still...in the Capitol. I don't even remember why...and I was so worried about you then that getting mad at you was the last thing on my mind."

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"For what?" Katniss asks sharply. "For kissing Madge or for being captured by the Capitol?"

"Both," I answer simply, then she suddenly says, "You loved Madge. Real or not real?"

"Not real," I answer immediately.

That ghost of a smile flickers across her face again.

"You're angry at me for kissing Madge...real or not real?" I shoot back at her.

"Not real, Peeta," says Katniss with a mysterious smile, "After all, no one's perfect."

I never got a chance to ask her what that meant, because at that moment Greasy Sae announced that breakfast was ready.

**PART V**

Katniss and I both ate with good appetites. I did have to laugh at her, though, when I saw that she was feeding her bacon to Buttercup. Afterwards, I help Sae clean up the kitchen while Katniss takes Buttercup outside.

"I may be wrong, Peeta, but I think the best thing for that girl is you coming home," Sae says quietly. "Before yesterday, she was completely inside herself. Just sleepwalking from day to day. But you...you've brought her to life."

"Maybe she was just ready to come out," I say, somewhat lamely.

Sae shakes her head. "I don't think so," she says. "I even see her smiling. She NEVER did that until you showed up."

"I don't know if that's me -" I protest, but then Katniss walks in.

"If what's you?" She asks.

All I can do is stand there and blush, but fortunately Sae has no qualms about saying what's on her mind.

"Dear, I was just telling Peeta that his being back is really helping you!" Oh, no. You can't think of anything better than that?

Katniss stands there, regarding both of us coolly. Finally she says quietly, "Maybe it is."

Sae smiles broadly. I'm shocked that Katniss would ever admit that something or someone was helping her.

Katniss turns to me with the same expression on her face. "Peeta, what are you doing today?" She asks.

The question catches me a little off guard. Fortunately I already had an idea of what I wanted to do.

"Umm...I need to visit the temporary grocer and get a few things..." I begin.

"Good. I'll go with you. I have a call to make first. Will you be ready in an hour?"

"Yes...an hour's fine, Katniss," I reply.

"See you then," she says, with her ghost smile returning briefly. "Excuse me, please...Peeta, Sae." We both nod as she leaves the kitchen. I hear her study door close.

I look at Sae and shrug my shoulders. Sae smiles and gives me a thumbs up. Shaking my head, I thank Sae for breakfast and go home to finalize my shopping list.

**PART VI**

An hour later, there's a sharp knock at my door. I answer it. Katniss is waiting patiently.

"Ready?" She asks. I nod.

Together we walk down the walkway toward the street, then turn up towards the Village entrance.

"Aren't you curious about who I called?" She asks peevishly.

"Umm...of course," I stammer, "But, it's really none of my business who -"

"I called Aurelius," Katniss says. "I thought about what you said, and you're right. About calling him, I mean."

"And?" I say.

"And...we talked. About the district, about me, about you, about...Prim...and Mom...basically the same shit we talked about in the Capitol when they had me locked up for being "Mentally Confused." She says the last part bitterly.

"He cares, Katniss," I say.

"Of course he 'cares,' Peeta!" She snaps. "I'm some kinda friggin' 'National Treasure!' Oh, Plutarch is having so much fun with this whole 'Mockingjay' thing! And Aurelius has orders to keep me sane no matter what!"

"Are you?" I ask quietly.

"Am I what?" Katniss snaps. "Sane? Who knows! I sure as hell don't!" She suddenly stops in the middle of the road.

"Peeta - look at me," she commands. I look at her. "What do you see?" She asks.

"I see...Katniss Everdeen," I say slowly.

"Oh, so you don't see "The Mockingjay?' 'Cause everyone else sure does! 'The Symbol of the Rebellion!' I don't want to be that! I just want to be me! I just want..." she says as her voice trails off.

"...Your life back," I finish for her. She looks at me like she's seeing me for the first time.

"Yes," she whispers, "I want my life back. Mine...and...others. Everyone's."

"Me too," I say sadly, "But Snow took me from myself. I don't know if I'll ever...be me again."

Katniss is blinking back tears. She takes a tentative step forward. My hijacked brain makes me take a step back. She stares at me with a stricken expression.

"Even now?" She asks. Suddenly it's too bright outside. I squint, then squeeze my eyes shut at the invading light. My heart is pounding in my chest. I feel my hands clenching into fists. Images, too shiny, flood my brain. False truths, I know...all with the same theme...Katniss as a monster. I feel my breath coming raggedly. I can hear a voice speaking to me as if from far away...

"...okay, Peeta, it's not real...it's not real...deep breaths, okay?" I hear Katniss repeating over and over. Finally I open my eyes. She's standing there in front of me...not a monster...just a scared seventeen year old girl. I blink a few times as the light becomes less and less painful. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Sorry," I say to her sheepishly. She's still staring at me with wide eyes, then suddenly she steps forward and her arms go around me and mine go around her and it feels oh, so good!

Her face presses against my chest. "I missed you," I hear her muffled voice say.

I kiss the top of her head and say, "I missed you, too."

She looks up at me. "Was it...bad?" She asks softly.

I smile. "Well, it's never good...but some are much worse." She nods thoughtfully.

"So you really only see...me, when you look at me?" She asks tentatively.

"Only you," I say gently. "Katniss Everdeen, seventeen year old girl from District Twelve."

She thinks about that for a moment, then says suddenly, "You still love me. Real or not real?"

"Real," I reply immediately. Another ghost smile flicker and she says, "Good. You're still Peeta Mellark."

We stand like that for a few more moments, then she turns, takes my hand, and we continue walking into what's left of District Twelve.

**I hope that everyone is enjoying the story so far! Reviews are always welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Warning! There are some fairly descriptive scenes described in detail during Peeta's flashback - so if you are easily offended, you may not want to read this chapter. But for those of you that do read, I hope you enjoy, and please review! And I have to thank TLWtlw for giving me the idea for Peeta's flashback!**

**CHAPTER 4 - THE DEER HUNTER**

**PART I**

Within the first few days following my return to District Twelve, life seemed to settle into a predictable routine. Most of the district residents that had already returned lived in Victors Village (Greasy Sae being one of the few exceptions, having taken up residence in one of the first newly constructed buildings in town). I quickly found myself looking forward to the nightly get-togethers. Even Haymitch started attending and was soon making himself at home, drifting from house to house along with everyone else.

Katniss is the last holdout. In spite of coaxing by myself, Haymitch, Thom, and Leevy, she still preferred to stay in her house at night, sipping tea, with only Buttercup to keep her company. Still, both Sae and Haymitch both confirmed more than once that my return to Twelve did have a positive effect on her. She was still withdrawn and emotional, but more and more flashes of the old Katniss...the fiery girl that I had fallen in love with those many years ago...would peek through.

Katniss has taken up hunting again. Every morning she rises early, grabs her bow (her original hand made bow, not the militarized weapon that Beetee made for her) and a quiver of arrow, and heads out into the forest. More often than not, she comes home with something...rabbits, squirrels, raccoon, even beaver. While she hunts, I busy myself with baking. I had found that my computer was indeed still connected to the Capitol web and that I was still able to purchase items for delivery by train. And a good thing, too, as the temporary grocer did indeed carry just the bare essentials. At least in this case the lack of supplies was due to the new government trying to sort out distribution, and not a deliberate attempt at subjugation.

Haymitch dutifully tends to his flock of geese, and, of course, drinks far too much. He talks to Effie regularly - Plutarch Heavensbee hired her as his personal assistant - and continually grouses about her constant nagging about his drinking. He usually joins Greasy Sae and myself for breakfast every morning (Katniss is usually already gone by then), and again at dinner, with all four of us present. Sae brings whatever vegetables are available at the grocers, I bring bread, and Katniss contributes whatever she managed to kill that day. On some days it's fish rather than the usual squirrel or rabbit.

A few days after Katniss had started hunting again, I asked her one night during dinner if I could join her on one of her hunts. I wanted to see her favorite places - the rock, the ruined house, and the pond.

"Oh, Peeta...no offense, but you're so loud the game in the next district over would be able to hear you coming," she said with a smile, "But I appreciate your offer anyway."

I just smile in return...but I still hope that she will take me to these places...someday.

And so it went. Dr. Aurelius calls me regularly, and confirms that Katniss has been talking to him two or three times a week. Our conversations normally revolve around the lingering effects of the hijacking. At one point he mentioned a new treatment that he would like to try with me...but it would involve returning to the Capitol for daily treatments.

"Peeta, I know that leaving Twelve is not something that you want to do, but, the nature of these treatments requires that you be under medical supervision," he explained.

"No. I'm not leaving. I...can't. Not with Katniss finally coming out of her shell," I say stubbornly, "Whether she knows it or not, she needs me. I'm sorry, Doctor. I have to stay here."

After a pause, Dr. Aurelius says, "Maybe there's another way. Let me work on this from my end. Peeta, I think these treatments will really do the trick for you, almost eliminating the after effects of the hijacking! If you don't have to leave Twelve, will you agree to the treatments?"

Of course I readily agreed. Anything to be able to stay here...where I belong.

**PART II**

A couple of days later, as I was working on re-doing one of the portraits that the Capitol had defaced during their occupation here, I was interrupted by a frantic pounding on my front door.

Puzzled and more than a bit annoyed, I went downstairs to answer the insistent knocking, only to find Katniss standing at my front door, looking haggard and splattered with blood.

"Katniss! What happened?" I cried as I reached to pull her in my house. She was panting and almost out of breath, but to my surprise, she jerked her arm out of my grip.

"Peeta! I'm okay! It's not my blood!" I stood gaping at her. "But I do need your help. Please! Come on!" She grabbed my hand and pulled my from my house. I was still wearing the apron that I wore when painting, but when I moved to take it off she said, "No...leave it. You'll need it!"

She had never let go of my hand and was pulling me insistently down the street. Half walking, half trotting, I was finally able to gasp out, "Would...you mind...telling me...exactly...what's...going on?"

"Shot...a deer," she panted. "Too big...for me...to carry...alone."

My Robo-leg caught on something as we ran, causing me to trip and almost go down, but, with surprising strength Katniss kept me on my feet somehow.

"So what's...the...rush?" I managed to gasp out. "Deer's...dead. Right?"

"Predators," Katniss gasped out. We reached the Meadow, both of us trying steadfastly to ignore the gaping hole in the earth there. We slipped through the fence and continued on into the woods. The ground was more broken here, forcing us to slow down, and allowing me to finally catch my breath.

What she said made sense. Wild dogs were common in the forest, as were bobcats and fox. Katniss had even encountered bears before. But still I couldn't resist the urge to tease her a little bit.

"And after all the times I asked you to PLEASE take me in the woods with you, and you refusing, and now you're practically DRAGGING me out here..."

"Oh, shut up, Peeta!" Katniss replied sternly, but before she turned her head away I glimpsed a smile on her face.

That made me laugh, and, after a moment, I heard Katniss laugh too. Not the bitter laugh that I had heard on occasion since returning home, not a sarcastic laugh, not a forced laugh through tears...a genuine laugh just because I said something that she found funny!

As we moved through the forest, her laugh made me think. This was a different Katniss then I had ever known.

The "old" Katniss, the one before the Hunger Games, was a girl determined to provide for her family. Serious, with few friends, intent only on her families survival.

The "Games" Katniss, the girl I got to know from our Reaping and after, was different still...living in constant fear of the Capitol, forced into pretending that she loved me in order to protect her family, and constantly worried about saying or doing something wrong.

Then came "War" Katniss...The Mockingjay...angry and full of hate, and willing to kill the person she held responsible for her sisters death without so much as batting an eye. But this Katniss was different.

This "New" Katniss was born the second she put that arrow in Alma Coins heart. Living under incredible strain for almost a year and a half had bent her mentally almost to the breaking point. I'm still haunted by the image of her, locked up in her old room in the Training Center, singing one song after another during every waking moment, not eating, wasting away. That's when I was the most afraid. Afraid that the body would live but that the girl that was Katniss was already dead.

But "New" Katniss was a lot stronger than anyone had given her credit for. She bent...but she didn't break. And maybe, just maybe, my being here IS doing her good. Every day, this "new" girl comes out further and further. She's not Katniss the hunter, even though she hunts. She's not Katniss the Tribute, or Katniss the Victor, or Katniss the Mockingjay. She's Katniss Everdeen, the girl that I've loved for almost thirteen years now, just a couple of weeks shy of her 18th birthday. A girl that is finally discovering, one small step at a time, how to be - herself.

We finally reach the deer. It's covered with blood. Katniss had tied it and hauled it up a tree. But the smell of death was already bringing out predators. I notice with alarm that Katniss had, very uncharacteristically, left her bow and arrows here. She immediately snatched them up and quickly killed a wild dog and a buzzard that were the closest to the deer.

I examine the deer. It has to weigh well over one hundred pounds. I can see why she needed help.

"What did you hang it with?" I ask.

"Snare wire," Katniss replies, "Didn't have any rope or twine."

"Okay," I say, "I'll grab it and take the weight off the wire. You need to shimmy up the tree and untie it from here."

Katniss nods and scampers up the tree, then shimmies out on the branch.

"Okay, ready," she says. I nod and grab the bloody carcass. With a grunt I lift the deer up, taking the weight off the wire.

"Okay," I grunt. Katniss quickly undoes the wire. "That's it," she says. I awkwardly lower the deer to the ground.

Katniss drops out of the tree and we both stare stupidly at the deer. She reaches down and pulls two arrows from the carcass.

I look at her with raised eyebrows. "It took TWO?" I ask incredulously.

"Shut up," she says sharply, trying, and failing, to suppress her smile again. "I only lamed it with the first one. Second one took it down."

"And that's why you showered in its blood?" I say with a smile.

"Peeta!" She reaches over and smacks me in the arm. "It wasn't dead when I caught up to it. I had to cut its throat." She pulls a knife from her belt - her fathers old hunting knife - then slides it back into her belt.

"Okay, makes sense," I say. "So, how do we get it back?"

"You're asking me?" Katniss asks. "I've only shot one other deer...and I had...Gale to help then."

Gale. Gale Hawthorne. Gale and I had come to an...understanding...while in District Thirteen, and later in the Capitol. We both loved Katniss, but I had always admired him. And, by his own admission to me, he found me "hard to hate." I know that Katniss still, even indirectly, blames him for Prims death.

"Well, I doubt if I can carry it all the way back myself," I say. "Too awkward. Not like carrying hundred pound flour bags." I give her a wink and a grin, and am rewarded with a small smile.

"I knew I should have stuck with rabbits and turkeys," Katniss says dejectedly. I'm looking around, trying to think of a solution - yes! I think I found our answer.

"Let me see your knife," I say. Katniss wordlessly passes it over. I walk over to a sapling and bend it sharply over, back and forth, until the base of the truck cracks with a loud pop. In the meantime, Katniss is retrieving her arrows from the wild dog and buzzard and is cleaning them off.

Using the knife, I awkwardly hack away at the base of the sapling until it comes free, then trim its trunk free of leaves and branches.

"Keep the back legs tied, then tie the front legs with some more of that wire," I say. "We'll stick the sapling between the back and front legs, then lift and carry it that way."

"Good idea," Katniss says, looking at me in surprise. "I thought you said you didn't know anything about the woods?"

"I don't, Katniss," I say teasingly, "But I do know how to use my brain!"

Katniss, busy with tying off the front legs, turns and shoots me a look. I see her mouth open, but before she can say anything, I say, "I know, I know - 'shut up, Peeta!'"

She just shakes her head and laughs. Soon the deer is tied and we use our sapling to lift it up. We balance the pole on our shoulders, and, with Katniss leading, start to make our way back to the fence.

It's slow going, but the load is manageable. Slowly we walk back to the fence.

"So, you shot a deer once before with Gale?" I ask as we walk.

"Yeah," Katniss replies, "A long time ago. We took it to Rooba's that time." Rooba had been the District Twelve butcher. She and her family were killed in the firebombing.

"Well, that's not an option this time," I say lightly.

"I know," Katniss says tightly.

"Have you heard from him? Gale, I mean," I ask.

"No," Katniss almost snaps the word. "He's in Two now. With his whole family. He's some big shot with the new military that Paylor's putting together."

"Oh," is all I can think to say, but I can tell that I've touched a nerve with Katniss.

"Oh, yeah," she says bitterly, "He's making a new life for himself in Two - running away from me when things got tough - and Mom, she decides to go live in Four, leaving me to deal with everything by myself. And Finnick had to get himself killed, and Haymitch is drunk all the time, and Prim, she...she..." Katniss suddenly drops her pole, the deer crashing to the ground, and presses her bloody hands to her face. I set my end of the pole down.

She spins and glares at me. "So, when are YOU planning on running away, like everyone else?" Her chest is heaving with her breathing and she's almost shouting, tears making twin paths down her blood streaked face. Seeing her face, bloodied, almost - ALMOST - threw me into a hijacking seizure. NO! Not now! I clench my jaw as the brightness starts taking over my vision. Not real. Not Real! NOT REAL!

Katniss is still shouting - about everyone leaving her, about Prim leaving her...I feel her hands on my chest as she shoves me backwards. I stumble and fall, catching myself with my hands, feeling twigs and small rocks dig into my palms. The sharp pain allows just enough of a distraction to jerk myself out of the seizure, much the same way that digging my handcuff bracelets into my wrists did when we were in the Capitol.

"Katniss," I manage to spit out between my clenched teeth. "Katniss!" I struggle to my feet as she's pacing back and forth, almost incoherent. I grab her by her shoulders and spin her around to face me. "Katniss!"

"Let GO of me!" She screams, beating at my chest with her fists. I just hang on tighter to her, drawing her in closer to me until her face is buried in my shirt.

"Katniss," I say softly, as her screams die away and the only sound is soft sobbing. Her hands are no longer beating me, but are now clutching my arms tightly. I fold her into my arms and rub her back gently.

"You won't leave me?" She asks in a small voice, muffled against my chest.

"No, I won't," I say firmly.

"Promise?" She asks in the same voice.

"Promise," I say gently.

She pulls her face away from my chest and looks up at me with her bloody, mottled face. "Oh, Peeta," she sighs, "I'm so damn broken."

"That makes two of us," I say, stroking her cheek. She gives me a small smile and grabs my hand, holding it against her face for a moment.

I hold her for a moment more, then say, "What do you say we get this deer back? And then you and I can work on fixing each other."

"Good idea," she says, then raises up on tiptoe and kisses my cheek. "That was to say thank you," she says almost shyly.

"You're welcome," I say, smiling as I once again pick my end of the pole up.

**PART III**

We finally maneuver the deer through the fence into the Meadow. We run into Thom and his crew there, dumping another load into the mass grave.

"Oh ho!" Thom says as he spies our load. "Looks like someone's been busy today!" He trots over to examine the deer.

"Hello, Thom," Katniss says. Thom grins at her.

"And is this the reclusive Miss Everdeen that everyone insists lives in our neighborhood?" He asks with a wink and a smile.

"The one and only," I say, smiling.

"Okay, okay," Katniss throws up her hands in mock surrender. "Enough, you two. I promise I'll start getting out more."

"Well, that was too easy," jokes Thom. "So...either of you ever clean a deer before?"

We both shake our heads. Thom examines the carcass. "Hmm...looks to be in pretty good shape...well, you're in luck. Just so happens that Rooba was my mothers second cousin. I worked in her shop when I was younger...and I think I can find my way around this animal...but it'll cost you," he warns.

"What?" Katniss says, suddenly wary. Her old Seam value system of favor and debt has kicked in.

"Well, you know the big tree next to Haymitch's place?" We both nod. "When you get back to the Village, hang this fine specimen up in the tree so it's about at eye level. When I get off tonight, I'll clean it up for you. Now, today is Saturday - which means, tomorrow is Sunday. So, I figure we can roast this sucker all day Sunday and have a real feast for the whole Village on Sunday! What do you say?"

I look at Katniss. Suddenly, a smile creases her face. She sticks out her hand. "Deal!"

Thom shakes her hand solemnly, then breaks a grin of his own. "Okay, you two take care of the deer. I and my crew still have some more - work to do."

**PART IV**

Katniss and I manhandle her kill back to Victors Village. We deposit the deer under the big tree that Thom had indicated. Katniss dashes back to her house and returns moments later with a coil of rope.

As we are hanging the deer carcass from the tree, Haymitch appears with his geese. They shy away from the smell of blood, as Haymitch walks up to us and examines the deer with interest.

"Well, I've seen my share of bloodbaths," he says, referencing the opening melee that used to happen every year at the Hunger Games, in which many of the weaker Tributes were killed off immediately, "But I have to say I've never seen anyone actually bathe in blood."

"Shut up, Haymitch," Katniss and I say together. We look at each other and laugh at our synchronized retort. Haymitch just raises an eyebrow as he looks at us.

"Fresh venison will certainly be welcome," he says. "Do either of you know how to clean this animal?"

"No, but we ran into Thom. He said he did," Katniss says.

Haymitch nods thoughtfully. "Good man, that Thom," he says. "So when do we eat?"

"Hopefully tomorrow," I say. Haymitch nods, smiling in anticipation.

"Good job, Sweetheart," Haymitch says to Katniss. I see Katniss redden in response.

"Thanks," she says softly.

"Well, I've got geese to tend to. You two should really get cleaned up before the sight of you starts scaring the kids that live around here." With that, Haymitch wanders off in search of his scattered flock.

"He's right," Katniss says. "We're both a mess." I nod in agreement.

"Guess I'll see you later, then?" I ask.

"Yeah," Katniss says, "Dinner anyway. No fresh game tonight though."

"This will more than make up for it," I say with a smile.

"I'm gonna see how Thom cleans this, too," she says, "So I know how next time."

"Good idea," I tell her as I turn to go. "See you later, then."

"Peeta," Katniss says softly. I turn back to her and she's suddenly in my arms, clutching me tightly. I gently fold her in my arms.

"Thank you," she says, "For...well...everything."

I kiss the top of her head. "Thank you, Katniss," I say.

She looks up at me with a quizzical frown. "For what?" she asks.

"For...not giving up. For...well...for being you," I stammer.

She touches my face gently with her fingertips. "Peeta, you're a mess," she says with a smile. "Go get cleaned up!"

I gently disengage myself from her. "You too!" I say as I walk back to my house.

I go upstairs and quickly strip out of my bloody clothes, then step into the shower. I scrub myself thoroughly, washing away the dried blood. Watching the pinkish blood swirling down the shower drain, I'm suddenly hit by a powerful hijack seizure. My body stiffens as the room suddenly becomes too bright. I fight for breath as the image seizes my mind.

_"There, all done," the Interrogator purrs as she deftly removes the needle from my neck. Already I can feel the serum burning its way into my body. I gasp in pain as it flows from my neck to my shoulders, then down my chest, back and arms. Already the room seems brighter and I try to close my eyes, but the clamps on my eyelids keep my eyes forced open._

_"Ah ah ah...none of that, Peeta," the woman says in a teasing tone. We have more...entertainment for you to watch."_

_"Please," I hear myself beg, "Please...no more blood...no more killing...I can't -"_

_"Oh, no, Peeta," the Interrogator says almost gently, "This entertainment is of a more...romantic...nature." She turns to the silent Peacekeeper that has been her ever-present assistant through all of our "sessions."_

_"Clamp him," she barks, "And dim these lights!"_

_Once again I feel a clamp pinching down on my right nipple as its twin bites painfully into my scrotum. In spite of myself, I whimper in anticipation of what is to come next._

_"Let's see if anyone's home, shall we?" My Interrogator says in a silky voice. "Ring him up!" she snaps._

_Instant agony courses through my body as I arch against the restraints holding me to the table. In spite of myself I scream._

_"Be strong, Peeta!" From the next room I hear Johanna's voice shout out, followed by a meaty sound of fist striking flesh several times. I hear a few moans and cries, then she's silent._

_"Well, now that we know that everything works...and that we have 'convinced' Miss Mason to be silent, let's get started, shall we?" The Interrogator and her assistant swing the table up so I'm facing the far wall as the Holo-TV projector comes to life._

_Another image of Katniss projects in front of me. Oh, please, no...I can't watch her murdering more kids. I see my Interrogators face hover briefly above mine, as she examines me intently. "Pupils at full dilation. Serum is functioning." Her face suddenly disappears. Katniss is standing...someplace familiar...yes, the Meadow, in District Twelve. And there's someone else there...I recognize Gale Hawthorne, walking slowly towards Katniss. And Katniss is smiling at him, extending her arms toward him, and he's smiling back at her as he closes the distance between them...then they're embracing, arms around each other, and...NO! He's kissing her...no, wait...SHE'S kissing HIM! Hungrily their mouths devour each others lips as Katniss strains her body against his, their hands now caressing each other, plucking at clothing...now Katniss pulls Gales shirt off over his head, as he frantically unbuttons her shirt, finally ripping the garment open and stripping it off her._

_"No," I find myself whispering. "NO!" I feel tears forming and dripping from my forced open eyes. Part of my brain is struggling against...whatever they injected me with...rejecting the images in front of me. This is fake, I say to myself, it's fake, it's -_

_"Poor, poor, Peeta," the woman next to me says sympathetically as we watch the couple on the Holo writhing against each other, now totally naked, as whimpers of pain rise up from my throat. Still, I try to fight it._

_"Not...not real," I gasp. "NO! She wouldn't...do...this. She -" Sudden, agonizing pain courses through my body and my hoarse voice screams in agony._

_"Oh, Peeta," the Interrogator says gently, "How can you deny the evidence? Look at her...look at him! Can't you see what they're doing? How much SHE is loving everything HE does to her?"_

_"No," I whimper, "NO! It's...not...real -" Another blast of pain jolts through me. Another hoarse scream, this one tasting of blood from my raw throat._

_"Peeta," the woman says in a soft tone, "Please don't deny it. The proof is in front of you. Katniss Everdeen doesn't love you, Peeta. She doesn't even like you. In fact, she hates you, Peeta. She used you. Used you for her own personal gain. Then tossed you aside when you were of no use to her anymore. So she can be with HIM. Gale Hawthorne. Her true love."_

_It's getting harder and harder to deny the proof right in front of me. Katniss...used me. Discarded me. Hates me! I watched her murder helpless children and smile as she killed them. And now, I'm watching her...her...deep wracking sobs tear from my chest as the impact of what she's doing with Gale finally hit me and I finally manage to speak._

_"BITCH!" I scream at the image in front of me, "FILTHY SLUT!"_

_My Interrogator pats me gently on the arm. "Very good, Peeta. Don't deny the truth any more."_

_I'm vaguely aware of her and the Peacekeeper quietly leaving the room. The Holo projection plays on for my...entertainment...the only sounds now are my sobbing and cursing at the couple displayed in front of me._

I finally manage to shake off the hallucination. I'm sitting on the floor of my shower. Water, long gone cold, splashes down on me from the shower head. I blink several times as I try to clear my head.

"Not real," I mumble to myself. "Not real. Not real. Not real."

Or was it?

**PART V**

Numbly, I get dressed. That last seizure was so powerful that I'm still trembling. On shaky legs I go downstairs. Just as I hit the base of the stairs I hear my phone ringing in the study. As I answer the phone the display tells me who it is.

"Hello, Dr. Aurelius," I say woodenly.

"Peeta, is everything alright?" he asks with concern in his voice.

"No," I say after a long pause. "I - had a seizure a little while ago. A bad one."

"Well, that's one of the reasons why I called. A colleague of mine is coming out on the next train with the hijacking agent that we discussed. He'll be there Sunday. Do you think that you can find room for him in your house?"

"Of course, Doctor. I have plenty of room here," I reply.

"Splendid! Now, for the other reason why I called...I spoke with Katniss a short while ago." In spite of myself I feel my whole body tense at the sound of her name.

"Yes?" I say, trying hard to sound neutral.

"Yes, and...will you be seeing her tonight?. he asks.

I take a deep breath. I probably shouldn't see her tonight, after that last "episode," but what I say is, "Yes, probably."

"Good!" Aurelius says. "She will want to...discuss something with you tonight. I won't say any more."

"Okay," is all I say in response.

"Well, I won't keep you, Peeta. But please do call me on Sunday when...my colleague arrives."

"I will, Dr. Aurelius. Bye."

**PART VI**

By the time I walk out of the house, Thom is well into butchering the deer. A small crowd has gathered to watch. Katniss, I see, is front and center, watching every move he makes. I stick my hands in my pockets as I slowly make my way towards the crowd.

"Bad one?" The voice comes from behind me, startling me. I jump and spin around.

"Whoa, easy," Haymitch says, holding his hands out in front of him. I relax.

"You okay, kid?" Haymitch asks, concern in his voice.

I shrug. "Sure. Why do you ask?"

Haymitch shakes his head. "Tell that to someone that'll believe it." he says with a laugh.

"Haymitch, I really don't know what you're -" I start to say, before Haymitch holds his hand up.

"Sell that to someone that'll buy it, kid," he says with a smirk. "I'll ask again. Bad one?"

I sigh and stare intently at a pebble at my feet. Idly I kick at it. "Yeah," I say.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks gently.

"No!" I say, sharper than I intended.

"Okay," Haymitch says reasonably.

"Haymitch, how am I...how are we...ever gonna grow closer if this hijacking keeps popping up?" I ask plaintively.

"I thought you said you didn't want to talk about it," Haymitch says with a grin.

"I...don't. Not specifically. I just want to get better...get over it." I say miserably.

"Kid, you ARE better," Haymitch says gently. "Do you remember the very first time that you saw her after they busted you out?"

I nod, shuddering at the memory. "I tried to kill her," I say in a small voice.

"And how about the next time?" he asks gently.

"I...well, I didn't try to kill her," I say lamely.

"No...you just spent that visit insulting her," Haymitch says grimly.

"What's your point, Haymitch?" I snap.

"Just this," he says calmly. "Every day - EVERY day - you two are a little better than the day before. I see it because I'm not you...or her. Are you changed? Hell, yes, you are...both of you are. I am, too, for that matter. But you two...you two heal each other. I see that. And once your medicine gets here, things will get even better."

I look at him sharply. "How did you know about that?" I ask.

"Aurelius - who else?" he says with a laugh. "He keeps me up to date...don't worry, he doesn't get personal." He claps his hand on my shoulder. "Come on. Let's go watch them get that deer ready for tomorrow."

**PART VII**

Katniss and I finish up our dinner. Haymitch begged off, citing a headache. So Katniss and I quietly put together a stew with leftover rabbit and some vegetables that Sae had brought. Sae hadn't stayed either, claiming that her granddaughter was ill.

After dinner, we sit in my living room, sipping tea. Katniss is curled up on my couch, her feet tucked under her. Just like she sat during our interview with Caesar Flickerman after our Victory, I say to myself.

"Do you remember my book?" Katniss asks suddenly.

"What? Your book?" I reply, confused.

"Yes. My plant book. Remember?"

"Yes," I say, finally remembering. "I helped you update it. It was the first normal thing we ever did together."

Katniss smiled, remembering the hours we spent adding to her book. "Yes, that's the one."

"What about it, Katniss?" I ask gently.

"I want to do a new book," she says softly

"A new plant book? But don't you still have the old one?" I ask.

"No...not a plant book. A...people book. About...about people that I...we...had in our lives. People that are...not here anymore. So that we don't forget...so we always remember" she says, her voice quavering ever so slightly.

"And you want my help? With the drawings?" I ask. She nods.

"I'd love to," I say with a smile.

"I was hoping you'd say yes," she says, returning my smile with one of her own.

"When do we start?" I ask.

"The next train is bringing some special paper for me. It arrives the day after tomorrow. Once we get the paper we can start," she explains.

"Good," I say. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too," she says. "I - I've missed you..." Her voice falters.

"Katniss...you and I - we've been through hell together." I stand up. "And...we're healing together. And there's no one on this earth that I would rather be with during all this than you."

Katniss stands up slowly, then, without a word, steps into my arms. My arms close willingly around her.

"I...I've never said this to you...but I'm so glad you came back," she whispers.

And so am I.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 - THE BOOK**

**PART I**

Preparations for the deer roast are well underway. While Thom was dressing the deer, others dug a pit in the Village green. Sae rummaged through every house in the Village (except one - Kathleen O'Sullivan's place, still vacant) looking for herbs, spices, and vegetables that she could use to add flavor to the meat and accompany the meal we were all to have.

Early the next morning, a fire was started in the pit. When it burned down to coals the deer was skewered on a pole and suspended over the pit. Everyone in the Village took turns slowly turning the spitted carcass as it cooked over the coals.

Word quickly spread to the rest of the district, and people started showing up from town. Everybody contributed some food item to our feast. Fortunately, the population here was still very low - there were hundreds of District Twelve residents still in District Thirteen, and others, such as Gale Hawthorne and Una Everdeen, had moved to other districts. Running out of food was not going to be a problem.

I stayed up late the night before and rose early the next day, baking. Not just bread, but pies and a large cake as well. Plus, one special treat for Katniss.

I placed my special treat for Katniss in a basket, covered it with a cloth, and headed over to her house. Normally at this time of day she would be hunting but Haymitch and I had convinced her to take the day off.

I walked across the street, noticing the activity in the Village as my neighbors started to prepare for the feast later on in the day. I knock briskly on her door, and, not waiting for a response, push it open.

"Katniss!" I call out as I enter her house.

"In here, Peeta!" I hear her call from the living room. I follow the sound of her voice and see her sitting on her couch. In front of her, spread out on her low living room table, were hundreds of envelopes from all the mail that she had been receiving since her return to Twelve from the Capitol.

"Finally going through your mail?" I ask with a smile.

Katniss sighs heavily. "Yes," she says, "Dr. Aurelius convinced me that I should at least try to answer some of them. But there's so many!"

I pick up one of the envelopes at random. It was addressed simply to "Mockingjay, District Twelve, Republic of Panem." Well, there's only one Mockingjay, I say to myself.

"How about this one?" I ask as I put the basket on an empty chair.

Katniss shrugs. "I guess that's as good as - wait! Peeta, what's that smell?!"

I smile. "Just a little something I whipped up for you," I reply.

Katniss jumps off the couch and picks up the basket. She pulls the cloth off the top, sees the contents, smiles, and brings the basket to her face and inhales deeply.

"Cheese buns," she says almost dreamily.

"Have you already eaten?" I ask.

"No. Be right back," she says as she disappears into the kitchen. She comes back in a minute with two plates, each bearing cheese buns.

"I figured if you were so nice to make these for me, the least I could do is share," she says, smiling as she hands me a plate.

I take the plate as she settles on the couch next to me. "Katniss, I made these for you," I say with a smile.

"I know. And I chose to share! Now, that letter?" Katniss takes a bite of her bun and I see her roll her eyes, relishing the taste.

"Okay," I say. I open the envelope up. "Dear Katniss, I'm twelve years old and I live in District Four. I met you during your Victory Tour. I was the girl that handed you your flowers. I remember telling you that when I was old enough I was going to volunteer just like you did. I remember that you looked really sad when I said that, but you didn't say anything except to smile and thank me for the flowers. I didn't understand then but I do now. The war was awful, and my father and brother both died fighting the Capitol. I know now that you and they were both fighting to make Panem a better and safe place to live in. I just want you to know that when I get older I still want to be like you. Brave, strong, and not afraid of doing what's right. You and Peeta are both my hero's. Your Friend, Lilly Donegal."

I could feel myself getting choked up while reading Lilly's letter. When I finished, I looked up at Katniss. She was sitting quietly, twin tear tracks trailing from her eyes down her face.

"I remember her," she whispers. "Peeta, I remember her! Do you?"

"Yes," I nod, "I thought you were gonna say something to her right then and there!"

"I almost did," Katniss admitted. "But, that would have just caused more problems. But I can say something now!" Katniss jumps up and dashes into the study, then returns with paper, pen, and envelope.

"You're gonna answer her now?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes. Right now." Katniss says stubbornly.

"Okay, but if you insist on answering each one of these letters, it will take you forever to get through all of them," I warn.

"Peeta, we have nothing but time now," Katniss says, as she begins to write. As she writes, I clear away her plate and mine, and put the rest of the cheese buns away. By the time I'm done, Katniss is holding out the letter that she wrote.

"Read it," she says insistently.

I take the letter. "Dear Lilly, Of course I remember you and I am so happy to hear that you are okay - but sad to hear about your father and brother. Yes, the war was very terrible. But, like many awful things, it needed to be fought. Everyone in Panem that is alive today has lost someone in the war. I hope and pray that this is the last war that will ever be fought. Peeta and I are both okay. I just want you to know that I am no hero. Your father and brother are hero's for doing what needed to be done. Thanks to them, and others like them, no child will ever have to be afraid of their name being pulled from a glass ball ever again. You are my hero, Lilly. If I am ever in District Four, or if you ever get to Twelve, I hope to see you again. Please take care. Your Friends, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark."

I smile as I hand the letter back to Katniss. "That's perfect," I say.

"You didn't mind that I included you?" she asks.

"No, not at all," I reply. Katniss quickly addresses the envelope, and stuffs the letter inside. As she seals it I see her frown suddenly.

"I don't know where I'm supposed to take this," she says.

"The Justice Building, I think," I say to her. "We'll mail it tomorrow."

Katniss reaches for another letter. "Another one?" I ask. This one was addressed the same as the first, except her name was used instead of "Mockingjay."

"This one's from District Ten," she says, reading the envelope. "Dear Katniss, My brother was Reaped in the Second Quarter Quell -" Katniss stops reading and looks at me.

"Haymitch's games," she says softly.

"Go on, Katniss," I urge her gently.

Katniss hesitates, then looks down at the letter again. "- and he didn't make it. My daughter was Reaped a few years ago. She's gone too. You understand better than anyone what it's like to be Reaped. Thank you, and Peeta too, for putting a stop once and for all to the -"

And so it went for the next hour or so. And Katniss sat down and personally answered every letter she opened.

**PART II**

The deer roast is just what everyone needs. After weeks of toiling in the scorched ruins of District Twelve, pulling human remains out of destroyed buildings, everyone was ready to, as Haymitch put it, "Let their hair down."

Everyone that attended brought something to contribute, either to eat or drink. For the first time since our Victory Celebration here that accompanied our first Parcel Day, there was more food than people could eat at a District Twelve party.

Katniss was the biggest surprise of the day. After weeks of allowing her mail to pile up, now it was a chore to drag her away from it. Reading letter after letter from people from every district in Panem, every letter telling her what an inspiration she had been to them. But, in typical Katniss fashion, her responses to the letters were unfailingly humble, telling each letter writer how much inspiration SHE had gotten from their letter.

But her biggest surprise came after we had both gone to our respective homes to get cleaned up and changed for the party. I was running a little behind as I took the time to deliver the bread, pies, and cake before getting cleaned up. I was upstairs still getting dressed when there was a knock on my door.

"Door's open!" I called down from upstairs. I could hear the door open, then close.

"It's just me, Peeta!" Katniss called from downstairs.

"Be down in a minute!" I call back.

I quickly finished getting dressed and ran a brush through my hair, then went downstairs. Katniss was seated in the living room, waiting for me. As I walked into the room, she stands up.

"Oh! Wow!" Is all I can think of saying. I hadn't given much thought to what Katniss would be wearing that day - if anything I had figured it would be her usual pants and a comfortable top.

But today - Katniss actually put on a dress for the party today. Sleeveless, forest green in color, with sandals. And she did something else. She was wearing light makeup as well.

"You don't like it," Katniss says, more as a statement than as a question.

"No, no! It looks...really nice...I'm just surprised, that's all. I mean, you usually don't wear dresses," I stammer.

"Well, it's going to get warm today," she says, somewhat defensively. "I just thought that this would be cooler."

"Oh, well...that makes sense," I say. "Katniss, I'm sorry if you thought I didn't like it. I do. I was just surprised, that's all...especially with you wearing makeup, too."

"Is it too much?" she asks anxiously. "I mean, when I saw my face in the mirror, well, I looked so, I don't know, washed out or something. If it's too much I can go wash." She turns as if to go do just that, so I take her hand gently, but firmly, in mine.

"Katniss," I say softly, "It looks fine. You look - well, beautiful." At this, Katniss blushes slightly.

"Thank you," she says with a small smile.

"Are you going to run into town with me?" I ask. "Your papers should be here today, and the doctor that Aurelius told me about should be here with that medicine he wants to try on me also."

"Will we have time?" Katniss asks. I nod.

"I can call the terminal and ask them to send a car. I'm sure they already have a car laid on to pick up this doctor and his supplies anyway. It should be no problem." I reply.

"Okay, then," Katniss says. "I'll go with you." With that, I go into my study and dial the terminal's number. The call is brief. I rejoin Katniss in the living room a couple of minutes later.

"All set," I say. "The car will be here in fifteen to twenty minutes. What do you say we take a walk and meet it on the way?"

Katniss smiles and stands up. "Sounds good. Let's go."

**PART III**

Katniss and I slowly stroll up towards the entrance to Victors Village. It's a beautiful Sunday morning in District Twelve. Spring has always been a favorite time of year for me - trees and flowers starting to bloom, warm days, cool nights. I know Katniss loves this time of year also.

We walk side by side for a few minutes, but as we pass the entrance to the village and turn down the road to town, her hand accidentally brushes mine. To my surprise, rather than pull her hand away, I feel her fingers open and naturally twine with mine. This simple act for some reason makes my heart pound. Hand in hand we walk slowly towards town.

Katniss is talking excitedly about the book that we will be working on. A book about all of the people that have touched both our lives. I'm excited about the book project, too - because it means being able to spend more time with Katniss. And, I know how important it is to her.

Soon we see a car approaching. Cars have never been a common sight here in Twelve - usually reserved for Capitol Liaison staff or those that worked in Mine Management. Now, with the district only a pale shadow of what it once was, cars and trucks are even more uncommon. So, we know that this car is for us.

I raise my hand as the car approaches, then stops. The driver quickly gets out to open our doors for us. I see it's the same driver that had originally picked me up from the station the morning that I arrived back here.

"Good morning, Mr. Mellark - and Miss Everdeen," says the driver.

"Good morning," Katniss and I both say as we climb into the car. The driver closes our doors, then climbs back behind the wheel. Soon we are heading towards the train station.

"Do you remember the first time you and I rode in a car together?" I ask Katniss. I see her slender shoulders shudder in response.

"How could I forget?" she said. "It was right after the Reaping - after we visited with our families. We were going to the station then, too."

I feel her hand reach for mine again. It's amazing the amount of comfort that I was able to draw with that simple contact.

"Sir, if you don't mind my saying so, you are looking much - healthier - than the last time I saw you," the driver says to me.

"Thank you," I reply, smiling at Katniss. "I feel much better than last time also." Katniss returns my smile and squeezes my hand.

Shortly afterward we arrive at the station. As I look around I'm amazed at how much progress has been made in this part of town in the last few weeks. The rubble and ruins from the firebombing are almost completely cleared and new construction is booming. Katniss is looking all around with a look of wonderment on her face.

"That's right, you didn't see any of this when you first came back," I say to her.

Katniss shakes her head. "No, Haymitch and I flew in on a hoverplane. We landed in the Meadow. I've hardly seen anything here until today."

The driver opens our doors and we exit the car. "I'll be right out here, sir, when you are ready to go." I nod at the driver and thank him as Katniss and I walk into the station. The train is arriving just as we enter the building.

"Something's different," Katniss says.

"Well, it's a new building," I reply. Katniss shakes her head.

"No, that's not it," she says, then snaps her fingers. "I know what it is! No cameras!"

That's it. Every other time Katniss and I have ever been in the station together, there were always camera crews present to document our every move. From Reaping Day, to the day of our return, to the first Parcel Day, the Victory Tour, and our Second Reaping - cameras, and usually crowds, were always here. Now, the station was almost completely empty, and no one was giving us a second look.

Katniss is smiling. "Maybe now we can get back to being normal," she says softly. I squeeze her hand as I give her a smile.

We can see people moving about the train as we wait in the station. I suddenly realize that I don't even know who it is we are supposed to be picking up here. Well, there can't be that many people arriving here - this train is primarily freight - but still, I -

"Peeta!" I hear a mans voice calling my name. I look around the station in an attempt to locate the owner.

"Peeta Mellark!" I see a figure approaching us - a balding, bearded, portly man in his 60's. And I know who it is instantly. Katniss and I walk quickly to the approaching man, then, as we reach him, I let go of Katniss's hand and embrace the man enthusiastically.

Doctor Galen Wellgood has returned to District Twelve.

**PART IV**

Galen gently disengages himself from me. "It's wonderful to see you again, Peeta," he says with a smile, "And you too, Miss Everdeen."

"Hello, Doctor," Katniss says softly, taking his extended hand. She shakes his hand quickly and then averts her eyes. She hadn't treated him very well when he was here. From her reddening face I could tell that she was more than a little embarrassed.

"Oh, before I forget. A package for you, Miss Everdeen - courtesy of Dr. Aurelius." He hands Katniss a bound box. Katniss finally smiles at him and thanks him as she takes the box.

"Aurelius mentioned the project that you are working on," Galen says, "And he was quite enthusiastic about it! He and I both think that it's a wonderful idea." At this time station employees walk up with Galens luggage and two locked boxes.

"Galen, we have a car out front," I say. Galen nods and motions the porters to follow us as we walk to the station entrance. As we walk he comments on the new construction and laments on the changes to District Twelve since he was here last.

The driver sees us coming and quickly opens doors and the car trunk for Galens luggage and the boxes.

"Careful with those boxes, gentlemen," he says with a smile. "Inside are what we hope is the key to giving Mr. Mellark his life back!"

"I hope it works," I say with a sigh. "I don't get 'episodes' very frequently now, but when I do they are still brutal."

"Aurelius and I both have high hopes for this serum," Galen explains, "It's more along the lines of an anti-toxin. We may not be able to completely eliminate your seizures, but we hope that this makes them more manageable."

We climb into the car and the driver slowly makes his way through the district back to Victors Village. Our conversation ceases as Galen takes in the extent of the destruction, now mostly cleaned up.

"I knew it was bad...but nothing in my imagination could have come close to what it's really like," Galen says quietly.

"It was worse when I first returned," Katniss says rather sharply. "The work crews have really done a good job clearing away the rubble and dead bodies." I glance at Katniss, wondering about this sudden outburst of hostility. Surely she knew that Galen did not at any time support President Snow or his government.

"Katniss, what are you doing?" I whisper to her. She answers me with a glare and whispers back, "Do you really think he had no idea how bad it was here?"

"In fact, I didn't, Miss Everdeen," Galen says from the front seat. "News in the Capitol was heavily censored. Surely you knew that." He twists around in his seat until he is facing Katniss. "And I do want to extend my deepest condolences to you, Miss Everdeen, and you as well, Peeta - for the losses that you both have suffered."

"Thanks, Galen," I say gratefully. Katniss says nothing.

Galen sighs heavily. "This terrible war touched all of us. No one in Panem was immune. My entire family in District Two is either dead or missing - 'displaced' is the term the new government is using. So, yes, Miss Everdeen - I can feel the same pain that you feel. Having said that, I want you to know that I was extremely fond of Primrose."

As he talked, Katniss slowly lowered her eyes until she was looking at the floor of the car. I could tell that his words affected her but she still said nothing by way of apology or acknowledgement. Thankfully, we soon pulled into the Village and could see people bustling about in preparation for our upcoming feast.

"What's this?" Galen jokes. "Peeta, a party for me?"

I laugh. "Oh no, just a little Village celebration. Katniss killed a deer yesterday and it's roasting as we speak."

"Here we are," the driver says as he pulls up to my house. I thank him again as we all exit the car. Katniss immediately excuses herself from us and runs across the street to her house, slamming the door behind her.

Galen looks at me questioningly. "I'll deal with her in a few minutes. Let's get you settled first." He nods and together we carry his luggage and the boxes into my house. I set him up in a spare bedroom upstairs as he explains the treatments to me. A single injection a day, starting with a light dosage at first and the gradually increasing the amount of serum with each injection.

"You should feel no effects from any of the injections," Galen explains to me. "I would like to start tonight, after we are settled in for the evening."

"Sounds good," I say, nodding. "Galen, would you excuse me for a bit? You should know where everything is."

"Of course, Peeta," Galen says. "Take your time. Maybe I'll run over to Haymitch's and surprise him with this." Galen smiles and holds up a large bottle that he took from his bag.

"I'm sure he will appreciate that," I say with a smile, "If he's not in his house, he may be out tending his geese."

"Geese? Now that's something that I HAVE to see," Galen replies. I say a quick goodbye then head across the street to Katniss's house.

I knock on the door firmly. No answer. I knock again. No answer. I try the door. Locked. I sigh and move around to the back and knock again. Still no answer. I try the back door. Locked. On a whim I try the outside entrance to her basement. It's unlocked.

Quickly I move down the stairs to her basement. Unlike mine, which I converted to weight room shortly after moving in, Katniss's is remarkably uncluttered. The largest item is a large wardrobe. I open it, already knowing what's inside. Wedding dresses. Two dozen of them. All designed by Cinna for the sham marriage between Katniss and I that never took place, because President Snow decided it would be easier to kill us both outright in that rigged Quarter Quell.

Staring at the dresses, I find myself simmering with long suppressed rage at Coriolanus Snow, now dead for almost six months. The mans evil knew no boundaries. Just then I heard the upstairs basement door open and the room is flooded with light.

"Peeta?" I hear Katniss's voice calling from the top of the stairs.

"How did you know it was me?" I ask.

Katniss walks down the stairs and makes a little half-laugh noise. "Who else would pound on my doors, then lurk around in my basement?"

I feel myself reddening. "Well, maybe you should answer when I knock!" I say, trying to muster indignation. Katniss joins me at the wardrobe. I can tell that she's been crying but say nothing.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she asks quietly.

"Yes," I say, "Just like the girl they were designed for."

Now it was Katniss's turn to blush. But, instead of her usual "I'm not beautiful" protest, she says, "So I suppose you came over to yell at me."

"If needed, yes...but I really came over to see if you were alright," I reply.

"Let's go upstairs," Katniss says. I nod and follow her upstairs, the into the living room. There, we take seats on the couch.

"I really don't know why I acted that way to Dr. Wellgood earlier," Katniss begins.

"I think I do," I say. Katniss looks at me with arched eyebrows. "It's about Prim, isn't it, Katniss?"

She sighs heavily and nods slowly. "I'll be fine for a day, maybe two. Then I see something, or someone says something...and it starts all over again," she says miserably.

"Then she should be the first subject for our book," I say, "Here, I want to show you something." I reach into my shirt pocket and pull out a pocket size sketch book. I open it to the first page as I sit closer to her on the couch.

I hand her the book. "Take a look," I say.

Katniss examines the small sketch closely. Prim, with her goat, Lady...and Lady is licking Prim's laughing face. Katniss's fingers trace over the paper and I see tears quivering on her eyelashes - but her lips are creased in a smile.

"Oh, Peeta," she breathes, "It's beautiful! When was this?"

"A few weeks after we got back, I think," I reply. "We were talking while she was milking her goat one afternoon, and the goat just started licking her face, and Prim was giggling. It was like my brain took a picture of that moment. When you mentioned the book that was the first one I drew."

Katniss says nothing, but continues to stare at the picture. "Katniss - there's nothing in the world that I can say or do to take your hurt away when it comes to Prim. All I can do is help you with the book, and help keep her memory alive in your heart."

Katniss suddenly throws her arms around my neck and squeezes hard. "Thank you, Peeta - it's perfect," she says as she wipes her face with her hand. "I think I owe the Doctor an apology - and we have a deer roast to go to."

"Uhh - before we go - maybe you should take a look in the mirror first," I say tactfully. Katniss frowns and disengages herself from me to run into the downstairs bathroom.

"Dammit," I hear her say in disgust. "Now I know why I hate makeup!"

"Take your time, Katniss," I say from the couch.

**PART V**

Our first stop was Haymitch's house, so Katniss could apologize to Galen. Fortunately, we found both Galen and Haymitch working on the bottle of fine liquor that Galen had brought for Haymitch from the Capitol. Katniss apologized awkwardly to Galen, who, to his credit, accepted it like a gentleman.

"Remember, Miss Everdeen, that I'm not only here for Peeta," Galen says. "I'm here for you, Haymitch - well, everyone."

"Making new friends already, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks Katniss with a smirk. Katniss just fixes him with a scowl.

"I know, I know - 'Shut up, Haymitch,'" he says with a laugh.

The rest of the day was by far the most pleasant day that I have had in District Twelve since my return. As Katniss had not made many appearances during the nightly get togethers her presence during the deer roast was a big hit. Never comfortable with being the center of attention, I had to restrain Katniss several times from bolting for her house.

"Katniss, these people are all neighbors of yours and have been for your entire life," I say in an effort to calm her. "And none of these people is looking at you as the Mockingjay - to them, you're Katniss Everdeen, deer hunter!"

So, in spite of herself, Katniss found herself relaxing, and I even saw her cracking a smile on a few occasions. Of course, she received raves from everyone for her hunting prowess. But will all that, I could tell the day was taking a toll on her - and me as well. This was the first time that either of us had been in anything remotely resembling the public eye together since the interviews before the Quarter Quell.

By the time evening had rolled around and the sun was setting, Katniss and I were both pretty well exhausted. I went around to our neighbors with Katniss, saying our goodnights to everyone, and spending a little extra time with Thom and Leevy, as they had both worked so hard to make this event a success. I let Galen know I was heading home - I knew he wanted to give me the first treatment that night.

Katniss and I pause in the middle of the street, halfway between our homes. I suddenly realize that this is the exact spot where our Victory Tour started almost a year and a half ago - where we collided in our well-acted haste to be in each others arms. I look at Katniss intently and, from the expression on her face, I can tell she is thinking the same thing.

"Bring back memories?" I ask.

"Yes," Katniss says. "This is the spot where we started the Victory Tour." I nod solemnly. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her so badly it hurt...but at the same time the rational corner of my brain holds me back. It's too soon to do anything like that.

"Guess I should head in," I say softly. I give her hand a final squeeze, then turn to walk into my house.

"Peeta," her soft voice call my name. I stop and turn around. "You will be over later, right? To work on the book?"

I smile. "I'll be there later. I promise." I see her turning back towards my house. As I walk slowly to my front door I hear Katniss's front door close firmly. I walk the last few steps into my house.

Galen and Haymitch were both sitting in the living room, the bottle of expensive liquor that Galen had brought for Haymitch sitting on the table in front of them. I can see that the level in the bottle has dropped considerably.

"Peeta!" Galen's voice booms out. Oh, boy. He's definitely been drinking. "Come in, my boy! Come in!"

I see Haymitch sitting back on the couch with that little irritating smirk that he so often wears. He's obviously enjoying my discomfort at having two drunks in my house at the same time.

"Enjoying yourselves?" I ask sarcastically.

"Immensely," Haymitch says, exaggerating each syllable. "Doc, I take back every bad thing I ever said about you. This," he says, picking up the bottle, "is pure bottled class."

With difficulty, Galen stands up, swaying slightly. He walks to a side table where one of the boxes that he brought with him was sitting. With care, he opens it and extracts a syringe and alcohol wipe.

"Time for your first treatment, Peeta," Galen says, indicating a straight backed chair for me to sit in.

"Galen, no offense, but are you in any condition to -" I begin, only to be waved into the chair by Galen, who says, "Nonsense! I'm perfectly - fine! Now sit!"

I sigh and sink into the chair. Galen fumbles with the alcohol wipe for a moment, then I feel the cool pad wiping a spot at the base of my neck. I see Galen then hold up the already loaded syringe and I silently pray that he doesn't break the needle off in me.

"Alright, Peeta, hold still - just a little stick," I barely feel the poke of the needle, "And...there! All done!" Galen smoothly extracts the needle, caps it, and drops it into a red plastic box.

"That's it?" I say, rubbing the injection site.

"That's it!" Galen says. "Tonight, if you dream, I want you to write down whatever you dream. We'll talk about your dreams tomorrow."

I stand up. "Well, I'll leave you two to...catch up," I say with a smile, indicating the bottle. "I'm going to shower and change. Katniss and I are starting the book tonight."

I hear Haymitch snort, but Galen says, "Ahh, yes - the book. Very therapeutic! I'm looking forward to seeing your progress there!"

"Eventually," I say as I climb the stairs.

**PART VI**

After showering and changing, I grab a small box of pencils and paints, my sketch book, and I head across the street to Katniss's. I can see the party still going on down the street.

I knock briskly on her door, then let myself in. "Katniss? It's just me," I call.

"In the kitchen," Katniss calls back. I walk into the kitchen, where she has her box of parchments sitting on the table, along with another box containing photographs. She has a note pad next to her. I can see that she's scribbled some notes already.

Wordlessly, I sit next to her. She's already changed into her favorite lounge wear - loose pajama bottoms and a sleeveless top. Her hair, no longer quite as clumpy and ragged as it was when I first arrived, is freshly brushed and hanging loose. Her face has been scrubbed clean of makeup. Even with her fading burns and other scars, she's still beautiful.

She's holding a picture. It's a duplicate to the picture of Prim that I had placed in the locket that I gave her - that last terrible night during the Quarter Quell. The night where I did my best to convince her that she needed to live - for Prim, for her mother, and for Gale. The night where Katniss told me that she needed me.

"I need you." It's not "I love you," but it's the closest that Katniss had ever come to admitting any kind of feelings for me that went deeper than friendship. I've replayed her words from that night - as well as the kiss that she gave me right after she said those words - countless times in my head. We're starting over, I say to myself. But we're becoming closer than we ever have before.

"Do you want to use that picture?" I ask.

Katniss nods. "I want to use your sketch, too. With Prim and Lady."

"Okay," I say, "I have others too." Katniss arches her eyebrows as I show her my sketch book. I see a smile slowly spread across her face as she examines what my pencil has captured - Prim holding Buttercup, Prim and Katniss looking at each other and smiling, Prim with her mother.

"These are all wonderful," she says softly, then, "Oh - what's that one?"

"Oh - it's nothing. Just one I made a long time ago. It probably wouldn't work for your book," I stammer as I try to shove the paper under my paint box.

"Peeta - let me see it. Come on," Katniss says insistently, as she reaches for the paper. Finally, blushing, I hand it to her.

Katniss takes the paper from me, giving me an exasperated look. I watch her anxiously as she examines the drawing - first frowning, then I see her mouth open slightly and her eyes widen, then her hand go slowly to her mouth as her eyes suddenly fill with tears.

She drops the sketch to the table and makes a clumsy attempt to wipe her tears away. I grab the sketch up and start to stuff it back in the folder.

"I'm sorry," I stammer, "I never meant for you to see that. I should have known it would upset you."

"It's perfect," Katniss says through her tears. She reaches for the drawing again. "This, more than anything, says exactly how I felt about Prim."

Katniss is smiling as she examines the drawing once again. "Is this how you saw it from where you were?" she asks.

"Yes," I reply softly. "Exactly how I saw it."

The sketch shows what I could see from a crowd of people. A stage with an extravagantly dressed woman, a little girl, seen from behind, with twin blonde braids approaching the stage, nervously tucking her blouse into the back of her skirt, and an older girl, also seen from behind, wearing a simple dress, a single black braid down her back, standing with hands at her sides, fists clenched, legs slightly apart, flanked by Peacekeepers on each side of her.

I captured the moment that Katniss volunteered for Prim during the Reaping for the 74th Hunger Games.

Katniss writes on the parchment, using her notes as a reference. Her handwriting, normally a little sloppy and careless, is neat and careful. She writes about her sister, the only person that she is sure she ever loved, and the only trace of emotion she ever betrays is the occasional trembling of her chin or a momentary tightening of her lips. We carefully place the photograph of Prim at the top of the page, and I very carefully and laboriously copy the sketches that I had roughed out in the spaces remaining on the large parchment sheet. We work for hours, only realizing out exhaustion when we were done and the parchment has been sealed.

The memory book, like the plant book before it, is the first normal thing that Katniss and I have done together since my return to District Twelve.

And it feels so right.

**A/N: Okay, here is Chapter 5, finally! This was an amazing difficult chapter to write, and I hope that everyone who reads it enjoys it and, as always, reviews are always appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 - BIRTHDAY**

**PART I**

_"Peeta."_

_The woman's voice penetrates my consciousness like a spotlight through fog. I frown as I try to identify the voice. It sounds familiar, so familiar. I keep my eyes tightly shut against the blinding light shining down on my face._

_"Peeta!"_

_The voice again, more insistent, more demanding. But who? Mother? No, her voice is harsh, grating. This woman is younger, much younger. The Interrogator? No, her voice is always silky, and soft - at least when she talks to me. That would leave only -_

_No! It can't be! Not...HER! Not...Katniss! I feel myself shudder involuntarily at the mere thought of that hated name. Oh, how she played me! How she lied to me! How she USED me! That murdering bitch! A whimper escapes my lips and I hate myself for showing any weakness to her. I struggle against the restraints holding me against the table._

_"Peeta! Come on, open your eyes! Hey! You! Can you please dim the lights? The lights are hurting his eyes!"_

_The voice again. No, it's not - HER. Someone else. The blinding light shining on my face shows red through my clenched eyelids, but now I see that it's starting to fade to a cool, dark brown. I feel a hand on my face, gently stroking my forehead. I flinch at the contact._

_"Hey, easy now. Calm down, peg-leg," I hear the woman say in a soothing tone. What did she call me? Peg-leg? Only one person has ever called me that. I wrack my brain trying to remember. Yes, she's here. I know she's here. Because every day I can hear her screaming - screaming and cursing. It's -_

_"Johanna?" I croak. Cautiously I open my eyes, blinking rapidly at the still too-bright light shining on my face._

_"Finally! Thought I was gonna have to kiss you or something to get you to wake up," I hear the Johanna-voice say. Her hand is still on my forehead._

_"Can you tilt his table up? And take off his restraints? I doubt if he's gonna make a run for it!" I feel my table suddenly tilt from horizontal to vertical, then new hands work at my restraints. With the light out of my eyes now, I can see more clearly. Two men, one on either side of me, in the white shirt and pants of orderlies, are working on my restraints. I feel an unpleasant tingling in my hands, arms, and my one real leg as the circulation is suddenly returned. As soon as the restraints are gone I feel my rubbery legs giving out beneath me, and both orderlies quickly grab me by my arms to steady me and keep me upright._

_"See? He can't even stand on his own! Now can you wait outside?" I hear the Johanna-voice snap at someone - not the orderlies - but someone behind me. I hear a whispered conversation but can't make out the words._

_"Fine. But we'll be right outside. Try anything funny and you get another bath!" A man's voice, deep, strange accent - my mind connects the accent to someone else I know. The District Twelve Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread._

_I hear a door behind me open, then close, followed by the sound of a lock being turned._

_The two orderlies are helping me into a hospital gown. Painfully I allow them to manipulate my arms into the sleeves. As they silently work on me my eyes finally are able to focus on them. Both young men, but with curiously sunken lower faces. There's only one way a persons face can look like that._

_They're both Avox._

_After putting the gown on me they gently help me to a chair. As they ease me into the chair I finally see the other person in the room, dressed identically to me, sitting in a chair next to mine._

_Johanna Mason._

_I lick my dry, swollen lips and try to form a word, a question, but all I can manage is to croak her name again._

_"Johanna."_

_Johanna regards me intently for a moment, then her head turns to the two Avox orderlies. "Thank you," she says softly. "Can you please wait out in the hall?"_

_They both nod once and I see them walk to the door. One knocks in a funny pattern - knock, pause, knock knock knock, pause, knock knock. Immediately the door opens and the two Avox leave._

_I turn back to Johanna and try to speak, but my dry throat won't allow a single sound. Johanna picks up a plastic glass from the table, and, moving her chair in front of mine, holds the glass to my lips. Carefully she helps me drink, but in my haste, water spills down my front. Johanna pulls the empty glass from my mouth and tenderly wipes my face with a cloth._

_I look at her intently. She's way too thin, her cheekbones prominent. Her skin on her face has an unhealthy pallor to it. And her hair...is gone. Her head roughly shaved, scabbed over nicks and cuts all over her scalp. But her eyes - her eyes burned brightly with anger - and hate._

_"You look awful," I blurt out, my voice rusty from lack of use - and from screaming._

_Johanna looks startled, then laughs. "You don't look so hot yourself, peg-leg," she replies._

_"Johanna - what's going on?" I ask. She looks at me intently for a moment before responding._

_"What's going on is, I made a deal with the devil. I promised to be a good girl and not give them any shit, and in return they said that I could see you for a few minutes. But, only on the condition that I feed you," she says, holding up a bowl. I know what's in it. The same mushy cereal that they always feed me. Still, I'm starving._

_Joanna starts to spoon the cereal into my mouth. I'm glad she's doing this and not me. I can barely lift my swollen hands off my lap. As she feeds me, she talks rapidly._

_"You know we're in the Capitol, right?" I nod. "Okay, good. I'm not sure exactly where in the Capitol we are, though. Lot of Peacekeepers and - other people. And they have Annie Cresta too." _

_My face must have registered puzzlement, because Johanna says, "Annie Cresta. Finnicks girl. From Four."_

_"Oh. The one Mags volunteered for," I say. Johanna shovels another spoonful into my mouth and nods._

_"Yeah. They went and got her out of Four. Anyway, here's my theory, for what it's worth. They want us alive. They want to use us. We're no good to them dead. So stay strong, Peeta!" Johanna finishes feeding me and wipes my face and mouth with the same cloth as before._

_"I can hear you screaming," I say, "When they - do things - to you."_

_"I can hear you too," Johanna says. She leans in close and whispers, "But whatever they do - stay strong. Stay strong for Katniss. Although I still have no idea what you see -"_

_I jerk violently at the mention of HER name. "No!" I hear myself yell._

_Johanna looks at me, alarm all over her face. "Peeta - what -"_

_"She's a killer, Johanna! A MURDERER! I saw it! I saw how she killed Rue! She's a liar! She USED me! Don't trust her! She killed Wiress, and she tried to kill me during the Quell!"_

_Johanna puts her hand on my arm. "Peeta, calm down. No, it's not true. I don't know what they're doing to you, but -"_

_I'm struggling, trying to stand up, but my legs are weak from lack of use. I hear the door suddenly open, and look to see two Peacekeepers charge into the room. They grab Johanna roughly and pull her away from me._

_"Visiting hours are over, Mason," I hear one say roughly. I collapse back in my chair as my brain is suddenly flooded with images of Katniss - that evil BITCH! - and I can't catch my breath and I hear Johanna say, "Peeta - your eyes! What's wrong with your eyes?" As the light suddenly blinds me and I feel my whole body jerk and go rigid._

_The Peacekeepers are dragging Johanna out of the room, as the two Avox orderlies hurry back in and quickly strip the gown off of me and strap me back to the table. I feel the restraints cutting into my arms and legs as I moan in pain and fear. Fear - of that evil monster that everyone calls Katniss Everdeen._

_The table is suddenly tilted back to horizontal, and I shut my eyes tightly against the blinding light. I feel a needle prick in the side of my neck and almost instantly everything around me goes fuzzy. The last thing I'm aware of is Johanna yelling my name._

_"Stay strong, Peeta! STAY STRONG!"_

**PART II**

"Peeta? Are you okay?" Galen Wellgoods voice cuts through the fog closing in on my brain.

"Huh? Oh, sorry," I mumble.

"So...that's what your dream was last night?" he asked.

"Yeah. I've had plenty of dreams about - that place. But never with Johanna. And that dream - it was real. I'm sure of it."

"Is that important?" Galen asks gently.

"Yes," I say firmly. "They put so many...false memories...in my head that it's important for me to be able to tell the difference."

"I understand," Galen says. "Hijacking is a particularly - insidious - brainwashing method. And you are, to the best of my knowledge, the only person to ever have been hijacked and then successfully treated."

"I think that I'm the only one treated - ever," I say.

Galen chuckled. "Well, there is that," he says with a smile, then he turns serious again.

"Peeta, you do understand what President Snow's objective was when he had you hijacked, don't you?" he asks.

"Of course - to kill Katniss," I say softly. Inwardly I shudder as I think of just how close I came to doing just that.

"Partly," Galen says. "It was to kill you both. President Snow assumed that Katniss would either be a member of the rescue team, or that your reunion would take place in private. He didn't anticipate the - practicality - of the District Thirteen medical staff, where you had several people present at the time you were reunited with her."

"But how - how would he be able to kill us...both?" I ask in confusion.

"By either District Thirteen soldiers killing you as soon as you killed Katniss, or by you - committing suicide - as soon as you realized what you had done," Galen says gently.

I would have, too, I say to myself. There wouldn't have been any way that I could live with myself if I had succeeded.

"All in all, though, I would say your first treatment was successful. Your dream, although negative, was of a subject that was not overtly traumatic to you. I'm going to report this as cautiously optimistic," Galen says with a smile.

I take a sip of my tea. "I hope this works," I say with a sigh.

"Peeta," Galen says, "I know Dr. Aurelius quite well. He is able to work wonders. But even he said that you will probably suffer with these - 'episodes' - for the rest of your life. What we're trying to do is make them manageable."

"I can already tell when one's coming on," I say. "Everything is suddenly too bright."

Galen nods. "Yes - sudden pupil dilation. Tracker jacker venom has that effect. Eventually, though, we hope to eliminate most, if not all, violent tendencies. We'll do the next treatment tonight."

There's a knock on my front door, followed by the sound of the door opening.

"Peeta?" It's Greasy Sae.

"In the kitchen, Sae," I answer.

Sae walks in and sees me sitting at the table with Galen. "Oh - if I'm interrupting I can come back," she says.

"Not at all," Galen says, "Please." He indicates a chair at the table. Sae sits down.

"Peeta, I spoke with Una Everdeen a couple of days ago," Sae says. "Katniss doesn't know it but I speak with her once a week. And the last time we talked she told me that something important is coming up."

Puzzled, I look at Sae, then Galen. Something important?

"Her birthday," Sae says. "Katniss's birthday is coming up. Her eighteenth."

That's right! Katniss is about three weeks older than me. Apparently she was even there when I was born. According to my father, Una Everdeen was called on to midwife my mothers delivery of me, and she had to bring her newborn daughter along with her as she had no one to watch the baby.

"We should do something for her," I say. "I'll make a cake, of course."

"I thought you might," Sae says with a grin. Birthdays in Twelve had always been pretty low key affairs - simply because, in the past, most people couldn't afford to throw large parties. I remember many times when the miners would save a coin here, a coin there, then come into the bakery to buy a small cake for their child or sibling. On the other hand, Capitol birthdays were huge, overblown affairs - like everything else in the Capitol.

I realize with a pang that neither Katniss and I had celebrated our seventeenth birthdays last year. We were too busy training for the Quarter Quell. Well, this year would be different. I rise from my seat.

"Excuse me," I say, "But I need to go see Haymitch."

**PART III**

I open the door to Haymitch's house without knocking. Being as it's still fairly early in the morning, I find him exactly where I expected - sitting at his kitchen table, passed out, clutching a knife in one hand and a bottle in the other.

Moving carefully, I ease the knife from his hand before tapping him sharply on the shoulder. As I expected, he wakes with an unintelligible roar, swinging his now-empty knife hand wildly in front of him, then collapsing wearily in his chair when his eyes finally focus on me.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Haymitch asks snidely. He leans back in his chair and peers at me before putting the bottle to his mouth and drinking deeply.

"I want to do something for Katniss," I say simply.

Haymitch stares at me blankly for a moment, then laughter explodes out of him. "Kid, that's hardly a revelation. You 'do' for her all the time."

I pull up at chair. "No, no...something special. Her birthday's coming up. Sae reminded me this morning. Haymitch, I don't think she's ever celebrated her birthday. For that matter, neither have I."

"Hmmm...birthday, eh?" Haymitch says thoughtfully. "You know, she probably won't want a big fuss made."

"I know," I say. "I was thinking a nice dinner, a cake...with just the people closest to her."

"Well, that narrows it down considerably," Haymitch says wryly. "Other than you and I, who did you have in mind?"

"I don't know," I say miserably, "Thom, Leevy, Blake, maybe...her mother...and maybe Annie if Una comes..."

"Whoa, hold it right there. You know Annie is about ready to pop, don't you? Little Finnick is gonna make his debut any day now. I doubt if she'll be in any condition to travel."

"Well, maybe not Annie...but how about Johanna and Beetee? Katniss is really fond of them and -"

Haymitch holds up his hand. "Peeta - don't get me wrong. I know what you're trying to do, and I think it's great. But you gotta remember something. Everybody that you're mentioning has only been home for a short while. Just a few months at most. Do you really think they're gonna want to hit the road so soon?"

I slump down in my chair. Haymitch is right. No one will want to travel. I put my head in my hands. Haymitch leans over and pats my shoulder sympathetically.

"I have an idea. Something that she would like. You and I both know that crowds aren't her thing - it was all we could do to get her to mingle at the deer roast. So this is what you do - dinner for just the two of you, followed by your cake - and an evening of working on your memory book," Haymitch says triumphantly.

"THAT'S your idea? Haymitch, that just sounds like a regular evening! I want it to be special for her!" I'm shaking my head in disbelief.

"Kid - take it from me. She's nowhere near ready for big crowds and people making a fuss over her. Next year - maybe. But it's too soon this year."

I mull over what Haymitch said. What he said made a lot of sense. She would probably hate something big. But this - this just might work.

"Okay," I say. "I'll talk to Sae - see if she can make something special."

Haymitch unsteadily gets to his feet. "Well, now that THAT'S settled, if you'll excuse me, I have some geese to tend to," he says with an exaggerated bow. Chuckling, I tell him goodbye and walk back to my place. I have some work to do.

**PART IV**

A few nights later, Katniss and I are putting the finishing touches on another memory book entry. Finnick Odairs cocky smile grinned up at me from the page. Unlike other entries, I didn't have to paint this image - we literally had hundreds of photos to choose from.

"I'm a better person from having known him," Katniss says suddenly.

"I was thinking the same thing," I say solemnly.

"You were?" Katniss asked in surprise.

"Yes - you ARE a better person from having known him!" I say with a smirk.

"Peeta! Oh, you're awful sometimes!" Katniss says in exasperation, but I see the hint of a smile.

"I'm sorry. That was a really bad joke. But Finnick had a great sense of humor. I can hear him laughing at that right now," I say, remembering how uncomfortable he made Katniss the first time they met, right before the Tribute Parade.

Katniss must be thinking the same thing - Finnick offering her sugar cubes in exchange for her secrets. Only Finnick could make her smile and blush like that at the same time.

Remember what we originally thought of him?" I ask softly. Katniss nods, her smile disappearing.

"Yes - and we were so wrong! I felt so terrible when I found out why he...did the things he did," Katniss says.

"I owe him so much," I say, no longer joking. "He saved my life."

We both sit in silence for a moment or two before Katniss says, "So what is this big secret you've been working on?"

"You'll find out - soon enough. It is, after all, a surprise," I say mysteriously.

"Ugh...I hate surprises," Katniss says in frustration.

"Trust me, you'll like this one," I say confidently.

"Hmmpf!" is all Katniss would say about it.

I gather up my pencils and other art supplies in preparation for leaving. I catch Katniss looking at me - rather wistfully, I think is the word.

"How's your treatments going?" she asks suddenly.

"Good," I say, "A little better every day. Of course, it's only been a few days. But Galen seems pleased."

"You really like him, don't you?" Katniss asks.

"Yeah - I do. I just wish you did also," I reply.

"But I do!" Katniss says, not very convincingly.

"Katniss - look. I know he's Capitol...well, not really, he was born in District Two but he's spent so much time in the Capitol, and he was granted Capitol citizenship years ago...anyway, he's really a great guy," I finish lamely.

"It's just the whole - Capitol - thing," Katniss says.

"Yes, I understand, but - well, we've met a lot of truly good Capitol people. Cinna, Portia, even Caesar - and don't forget Effie," I say.

Katniss laughs. "Oh, I don't think I'll ever forget Effie," she says with a smile.

"See? Galen's no different. Well, a little louder maybe -"

Katniss holds up her hand, laughing. Truly laughing. It's been a lifetime since I've heard that.

"Okay! I give up! He's a GREAT guy!" she says. "I only wish he could do something for me," she finishes quietly.

"Nightmares?" I ask. I know she still has them. But, I had to ask. Katniss nods slowly.

"You?" she asks.

"Since I started these...treatments...my night terrors have become - different," I say. "More about things that happened. Not scary, just - unsettling."

"Not mine. I wake up screaming," Katniss says softly.

"I know. I sleep with the window open, remember? And every time I hear you, it's all I can do to not rush right over here and...I don't know...comfort you. Like when we were on the Tour," I finish clumsily, feeling myself flushing.

Katniss, I notice, is a little flushed herself. "Really?" she asks. "Then why didn't you?"

"I -" How do I respond to that? That I was afraid...of myself? Of what I might do to her, even after months of therapy and rehabilitation? Or was I afraid of something else? Was I afraid of...Katniss?

"I...just don't know," I finally say, suddenly unable to look her in the eye.

"Peeta," Katniss says gently, "I know you're afraid. So am I. I've spent the last two years being afraid. But now - since you've come back - I...well, I'm trying hard...not to be afraid. And to stop wishing for...things that I can't change. That's why the memory book is so important to me. When we work on it, it's like I'm finally letting out what I truly felt about each person that we enter. Prim, your father, Madge, Rue...Finnick. In the book, I can tell them what I truly feel...deep inside. And your drawings do the same thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is...maybe we can help each other...to not be afraid any more."

I stare in amazement at Katniss. I can't ever remember her ever saying so much at one time. Maybe, I say to myself, maybe we are both changing...and growing...for the better.

"If I hear you screaming in the night, and I come over...will you let me in?" I ask. Let me in, not just to your home...but into your heart as well.

"I'll be able to answer that better - when the time comes. Just like you will," she says quietly. I'm able to look her in the eye again. She meets my gaze steadily.

"It's...getting late. I guess I should be going," I say. Katniss nods.

"Thanks," she says. "For helping with the book and - thanks." Suddenly she grabs my shoulders and, raising up on tiptoe, kisses my cheek. That simple gesture makes me blush furiously.

"Goodnight, Peeta," Katniss says as she walks me to the door.

"'Night, Katniss," I manage to mumble as I stumble through the door. I take a few steps down her walkway when I hear the door shut behind me. Hands in pockets, I walk the remaining short distance to my house.

Galen greets me as I walk in. I mutter some sort of response back to him. He reminds me that I need another treatment, so wordlessly I sit while he administers the latest dose of medication. Afterwards, I head upstairs to bed, but not before assuring him that everything was fine.

Once in bed, I find that sleep is elusive. I replay the evening with Katniss over and over in my head. Was it wishful thinking on my part or were we finally starting to grow closer? No matter what she said, I'm still afraid...of what I might do to her if I have a seizure when with her. I can't even say for sure what the triggers are for these "episodes." Twice tonight I felt the first stirrings of seizures, and twice, using the relaxation and breathing techniques that Galen showed me, I was able to push them back down. I don't think Katniss was even aware of what was happening. Maybe, I'm finally starting to get control. Maybe I -

The sound of a scream cuts through the fog in my brain as I'm jolted from sleep. A quick glance at the clock tells me only about two hours have passed since dozing off. I shake my head, trying to clear it, as another scream rips through the night.

Awake now, I leave my comfortable bed and, grabbing a robe, slip it on as I cram my feet into slippers. Without a second thought I head down the stairs and out my front door. I hear another scream as I quickly cross the street. I knock firmly at her door, then try the latch. It's not locked. I let myself in, hearing whimpers coming from upstairs. Closing the door, I climb the stairs and promptly freeze outside her door, indecision gripping me.

Another throaty scream makes my mind up for me. Resolutely I grasp the door handle and open the door. In the dim light I can see Katniss thrashing around in bed, then sit bolt upright. Her head swivels in my direction.

Her eyes meet mine, the only illumination coming from the moonlight streaming through the window. Wordlessly, she pulls the comforter down next to her, then looks back at me and extends her arms.

Suddenly gripped with fear, I force myself to move towards her. I climb onto the bed and settle in next to her. It's been almost a year since the last time we slept together. I stiffly lay back as Katniss snuggles in close to me. I can feel myself trembling. This is not a good idea, I say to myself. I feel myself gripped suddenly by the beginnings of an oncoming seizure, and try to pull away to climb out of bed...to get away from her before I do something unthinkable. But her surprisingly strong arms hold me next to her, and that's when I feel her trembling too. For the first time, she speaks.

"No," she whispers. "You're here...with me...whatever you see, it's NOT real. Do you hear me? NOT real. THIS is real, Peeta."

She softly repeats this to me over and over as, gradually, I relax, and slip my own arm clumsily around her slender shoulders. She cuddles even closer and I can feel her warmth radiating from her as she settles her head on my chest. Still, I don't dare move, even when her regular breathing tells me that she's gone back to sleep. After a long while, I finally doze off.

When I wake up with the early morning light coming through the window, Katniss is already gone. Where she had lain on the bed was cool to the touch. Sleepily I crawl out of bed, intending to go back to my house to finish sleeping, when I see it.

Sitting on the night stand closest to where I had been sleeping was a small plate, bearing a single cheese bun, and next to it, a glass of orange juice. Next to the plate and glass is a handwritten note.

"Gone hunting. Sorry no tea or hot chocolate, would have gotten cold. Tonight? K"

I silently eat the cheese bun, drink the juice, and write a response on her note.

"Tonight. P"

**PART V**

It's May 8th, and I've convinced Katniss that tonight, we will have a nice quiet dinner, followed by more memory book work.

Sae prepared tonight's dinner at my house. All I have to do is carry it over to Katniss's at the right time. We had agreed to dinner at six, and that I would start bringing things over about fifteen minutes before. Katniss knew I was doing this for her birthday, but was humoring me and allowing me to treat her to a little pampering.

I told her to remain upstairs until I called her down. Quickly Sae and I moved the serving bowls over to her table, and I displayed the cake I made for her on the sideboard. In the corner sat her present, covered with a sheet.

At six I called her downstairs. Her first floor was illuminated by candles. As she came downstairs I could see that she was pleased at my efforts. I was pleased to see that she was wearing a dress similar to the one she wore at the deer roast, only this one was in my favorite shade - sunset orange.

I take her arm and guide her to the table. Her delight at the menu was evident when she saw what Sae had so laboriously prepared - Capitol lamb stew. After seating her and serving her a portion of the stew, I took the seat opposite her and filled my own plate. There was even a bottle of wine - Haymitch's contribution. Even though neither of us were drinkers, we both had a glass and found it to go well with the lamb stew.

Once we were done eating, Katniss sat back in her chair, regarding me with a small smile.

"When I was little, my Dad would always make sure to bring me something for my birthday - something we normally didn't see a lot of in Twelve. Like an orange, or a banana. On my eleventh birthday, he went to your families bakery, and bought me a small cake. He must have saved all week for it. It was decorated with little dandelions."

Katniss is wistful, remembering her past birthdays.

"That was me," I said.

"What was you?" she asked.

"The dandelions. I put those on the cake your Dad bought for you. My Dad told me that the cake was for your birthday, and it was a plain white cake, so I asked him if it was okay for me to decorate it for you."

"You did that? For me?" Katniss says in amazement.

"I didn't have anything else to give you," I quietly reply. "Your Dad - he wanted to pay more for the cake when he saw it. But my Dad explained that I had done the decorating for you. I was in the back room and I heard them talking, and your Dad said 'Liam, make sure you tell Peeta thank you for me.'"

"I've never had a special dinner for my birthday - until tonight," Katniss says, her eyes moist.

"I wanted to, last year, until -" I say. Katniss nods.

"I understand. It - wouldn't have worked very well," she says.

"No - it wouldn't," I say softly, then, "I have something else for you."

"Oh, Peeta," Katniss laughs, "The cake looks wonderful, but I'm so full right now!"

"Not the cake," I say with a grin. I walk to the corner where her present sits, covered in a sheet. Katniss had been looking at it curiously the entire evening, but, to her credit, had managed to control her curiosity.

"I hope you like it," I say simply as I pull the sheet down.

Katniss sits in her chair, her smile frozen on her face as she stares at what I just uncovered. Slowly, she brings her hands to her mouth as a single tear escapes each eye, to slowly track down her face.

"Oh - oh," is all she can manage as she stares at the portrait. In the portrait, Katniss is standing with Prim. They are both wearing their Reaping dresses, with Prim's hair done in two blonde braids, with Katniss's hair done exactly as it was on that horrible, wonderful day almost two years earlier.

They are both smiling out from the portrait. Between them, both of their hands hold a bouquet of flowers. Katniss rises slowly from her chair and walks to the portrait. With trembling fingers she reaches out and traces her fingertips over Prims face. Her eyes drop to the bouquet.

"Oh, Peeta," she breathes as she examines the bouquet. She looks back at me, wonderment in her eyes. "So this...this is my...surprise?"

I nod. She turns back to the portrait. "I love it," she whispers. I step up next to her. She looks up at me, then back to the bouquet.

"Dandelions," she says with a smile, "And...another flower too." Her brow wrinkles in concentration, then relaxes as she recognizes the other flower in the bouquet.

"Peeta...wild onion?" she asks. I nod, smiling.

"Remember?" I ask.

"Yes," she says in a choked voice. "On our last stop when we were heading home - after the Games."

"I had to look them up," I explain. "I always wondered when you reacted - like you did. Because you always thought of them as food."

"Not anymore," she says. "This - this is...perfect. Thank you so much!"

I gaze down at her, seeing her smile as she examined her gift. "Happy Birthday," I say.

Katniss looks up at me, then slowly, deliberately, turns to face me. Slowly her arms come up to wrap around my neck. Smiling, her eyes shining, she raises up on tiptoe and kisses first one cheek, then the other. Tentatively, my arms go around her and I pull her close, almost fearfully. I can feel her trembling slightly.

We stand like that for a minute or so, then I feel her hand come around to my face, and gently but firmly turn my face to hers. Her other hand presses warmly against my neck as she arches her face up to mine, then, for the first time in - forever, Katniss Everdeen presses her lips hungrily against mine. We stand like that for a long while, each of us savoring the kiss that we shared - a kiss that I haven't felt from her since that last night in the Quarter Quell, sitting on the beach.

She finally breaks our kiss and looks up at me. I gaze into her silvery gray eyes for a moment, then ask, "Last year you said that you needed me. Do you still need me?"

Katniss smiles up at me. "Always," she whispers, before her lips find mine again.

**A/N: Well, today is the birthday of one of our favorite fictional characters of all time! Yep, May 8th, according to canon, is Katniss Everdeen's birthday! I hope this chapter meets everyone's expectations! I hope that I'm not moving their recovery and "growing together" too quickly, but I couldn't resist having them share a real kiss or two on her 18th birthday! Thanks for reading and please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - Some graphic hijacking portrayals ahead. Not terribly descriptive but those that are offended by anything other than "G" rated material may want to skip the italicized part of my story. I hope you enjoy and please review!**

**CHAPTER 7 - ALWAYS**

**PART I**

I leave Katniss's house a short while later, the heat from her lips on mine still fresh in my memory. Over the last couple of years, we have kissed many times, both for the cameras and occasionally for each other, but none of those kisses even came close to the few that we shared tonight.

Tonight's were - special - no doubt about it. With no cameras to record our every move, with no Mentors, Escorts, Stylists, and Interviewers to remind us to be in love, with no pressure from a despotic President and a corrupt government that constantly demanded more and more proof of our devotion to each other, and with no specter of what our lives as Victors, and eventual Mentors, would be like - our kisses tonight were about as real and as natural as they come. So why did I leave so suddenly?

Katniss and I were holding each other, clinging tightly, my hands on her back, hers cupping my face and caressing the back of my head. She was kissing me like she had never kissed me before - hungrily, her soft lips and warm mouth hungrily pressed against my own, and something that she had never done before - her tongue tip tracing my lips, gliding over my own tongue, gently probing, exploring, causing me to gasp with surprise - and pleasure.

I could feel her body trembling under my hands and I know I was shaking also. My hands were sliding up and down on her back, caressing, squeezing - wanting to touch, to explore more - but terrified at the same time. Because, in a deep recess of my mind, that ember that was planted as a result of the hijacking is slowly starting to glow.

This latest round of treatments have really worked wonders. Now, I can feel when an "episode" is building, and do something before I no longer have control over myself. I can do something - but I can't stop it once it starts.

Katniss had just pulled her mouth from mine and was gazing up at me intently - like she was trying to see what was going on inside my head. Oh, please - that's the LAST thing I want her to see right now.

"I - I should go," I stammer. I see Katniss frown at this. This moment, this REAL moment that I have been dreaming of for the last thirteen years is here...and my reaction is to run away.

"Peeta?" she asks, a look of concern in her eyes joining her frown. "Is - are you alright?"

"Yes - no, no I'm not," I say as I feel the hijacking ember glowing brighter. I gently, but firmly, disengage myself from her arms. "It's...you know. It's starting."

"Damn Snow to hell," Katniss snaps angrily. "Damn him forever for doing this to you!" Her face was contorting in rage, and suddenly I didn't know if what I was seeing was real or not.

I take a deep breath, then another. "Katniss, I...I'm sorry. I just need to get home. Maybe Galen can help."

Katniss says nothing, but guides me to the door. Before I go, she quickly kisses me on the lips.

"Will you be back - later?" she asks hopefully.

I don't even dare turn back to look at her. "I...I don't know," I choke out. "Katniss...lock your door tonight."

I walk slowly back to my house, flinching slightly when I hear a small, barely audible sob escape Katniss's throat, and again when I hear her door slam and the sound of the dead bolt being thrown.

I stop walking briefly when an almost overwhelming urge surges through me to turn, charge back to her house, and batter down her door to get to her. To - hurt her. To - NO! I close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and force myself to finish the short walk to my house.

I'm surprised that Galen is still up, until I remember that it's still well before 9 PM. He's sitting in the living room, watching some Capitol programming - what Haymitch calls a "soap opera." He looks up in surprise when he sees me come in.

"Peeta! Home so soon?" Galen asks, then I see a look of concern cross his face when he finally sees my face. Without another word he jumps up from his chair and quickly crosses the short distance to where I stand. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me to a chair.

I'm still struggling with the urge I felt on the street - feeling my hands clench and unclench as my mind flashes picture after picture in my brain of my fingers wrapping around Katniss's throat. I feel Galen's hands on my face, and his thumb on my eyelid as he pushes the lid up to intently examine my eye.

"Dammit," I hear him mutter, then he turns quickly and grabs his bag off a nearby table. I squeeze my eyes shut as the dim light in the room is suddenly too bright. I can hear someone muttering over and over again, "Not real, not real, not real...," and with shock I realize it's me.

"Relax, Peeta," Galen says softly, as I feel something cold on my arm, then a sudden sting of a needle.

"What...what's that?" I gasp.

"Sedative," Galen replies. "Calm you down a bit." As the drug takes hold I can feel my muscles slowly relax as the tension drains from my body. I take deep, measured breaths and slowly open my eyes. The light in the room is much more bearable now.

Galen takes a seat across from me. He waits patiently for the sedative to do its job. He looks relaxed, but his eyes never leave my face.

Finally, he speaks. "So...what happened?" he asks gently. Slowly, haltingly, the sedative causing me to slur my words, I recount the events of the evening. Galen listens without interruption, only speaking when he needed to clarify something that I had said.

"So, you two kissed each other," he finally says.

"Yes," I say, "But it wasn't like any other kiss we've ever shared. It was more - intense. Hungry, almost." Galen nods slowly while I speak.

"More...real?" he asks. When I nod he asks, "So what were you feeling while she was kissing you?"

"Surprised at first, but then - I started feeling -" my voice trails off as the memory of Katniss's lips once again rises up in my mind.

"Excited?" Galen asks, gently. "Even - aroused?" I nod, blushing at the revelation.

"Peeta, I'm sure you had 'the talk' with your father at some point - you know, the one that all young men have as they mature," Galen says, "So I'm going to spare you what you already know. But from what you've told me, this - reaction - that you had sounds like another manifestation of your original hijacking. Tell me, can you remember any times when your - captors - ever used sex as part of your hijacking?"

Even with the sedative working its calming effect on me, a memory, long suppressed, came rising to the surface.

**PART II**

_"Oh, my," the silky voice of the Interrogator purrs into my ear, "Look what they're doing NOW, Peeta."_

_I feel hot tears course down my cheeks as I'm forced to watch the couple on the Holo-TV. Katniss and Gale, naked, sweating, straining against each other. Their hands are caressing each other, mouths glued together in one passionate kiss after another...his groans and her moans of passion loud in the small room. This scene is played out with a constantly changing backdrop - sometimes the Meadow, sometimes our cave in the arena, sometimes it's the Cornucopia, other times it's in her bedroom in the Village. _

_And with every new scene, with every new act performed, I find myself hating her more and more._

_"Soon, you will be reunited with her, Peeta," my Interrogator says softly, "And when that happens, what are you going to do?"_

_"Strangle her with my bare hands," I spit out from between clenched teeth. "I'm going to kill her! Filthy, lying BITCH!"_

_"Good boy," the Interrogator says with a smile._

"You know none of that was real, don't you?" Galen asks.

"Yeah," I say, "But that doesn't make the memory any less painful."

"Peeta, I'm going to call Dr. Aurelius tomorrow morning. I'm sure that this is a facet of your hijacking that we are just now finding out about. And I'm sure that the therapy that we have you on now will help with this - new development - as well. But, I think you may want to consider not seeing anything of Katniss - at least for the time being."

I sit bolt upright. Not see Katniss? We've spent the last six or seven weeks growing closer together, comforting each other, finally getting to know each other without the specter of the Games constantly hanging over our head - and now Galen wants me to take a step back?

"I - I can't do that, Galen," I say. "When I first came back, it was like we were...two strangers. We've really gotten to know each other, finally get more comfortable around each other - and now you want me to take a step back?"

"Peeta, I know you love her. But remember this - 30 minutes ago you wanted to kill her. Now, I'm not going to force you to stay away from her. I'm just saying it may be the wisest course of action for you." Galen sits back in his chair and regards me steadily. In spite of myself, I feel drowsy - the sedative has really kicked in.

Wearily I get to my feet. "I'm going to bed," I say simply. "Goodnight." Galen asks if I need help upstairs and I decline his offer sharply. Once upstairs I stumble into my room and pull my clothes off before collapsing onto the bed.

Still, sleep eludes me. Even with the sedative coursing through my body, and still totally relaxed, my brain has kicked into high gear. Stop seeing Katniss? How could I do that? Although, a part of me admits that it's probably not a bad idea, at least temporarily - but it's something that my heart simply won't allow.

I lay there for what feels like an eternity, my brain refusing to shut off, when I hear a soft knock on my front door. I lay quietly, listening to see who it is...and knowing before I even hear her voice.

I hear Galens deliberate footsteps, then the sound of the front door opening.

"Kat - Miss Everdeen," I hear Galen say in surprise.

"How is he?" I hear Katniss ask. "Is he alright?"

"He'll be fine," Galen says. "He's upstairs - asleep. I gave him a sedative. The question is - are YOU alright?"

"You mean...did he hurt me? No," Katniss replies. "I think he knew - he could feel it coming on. That's why he left so quickly. But, he was in control the whole time."

"I spoke with him - about staying away from you for a while," Galen says.

"And what did he say?" I hear Katniss ask in a soft voice.

"He's - resistant to the idea," Galen replies.

"So he doesn't like the idea," Katniss says, not as a question - but as a statement of fact.

"No, he doesn't," Galen admits.

"Neither do I," Katniss says stubbornly, which brings a smile to my face.

"I didn't think you would," I hear Galen say with a slight chuckle.

"Doctor, if Peeta chooses to stay away from me - I understand. I won't like it, but I understand. But if he doesn't want to stay away, I'm not going to push him away. Not now. Not after everything that we've been through over the last two years. I need him, Doctor. I need him more that you could ever understand. And I know that he needs me, too. And I know that he would NEVER do anything to hurt me!"

I hear Galen sigh heavily. "How did I know that you would say that? Okay, fair enough - but please be careful. The treatments are working well, but I want you to understand that he may never be free from seizures. But for now, he's sleeping. Let him get some rest and you can see him in the morning, if you like."

"Thank you, Doctor," I hear Katniss say. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kat - Miss Everdeen," Galen says.

"It's Katniss," she says quietly.

"Goodnight, Katniss...and Happy Birthday."

"Goodnight, Galen...and thank you."

**PART III**

I awaken sometime later that night. I had gone to sleep with a smile on my face after eavesdropping on the conversation between Katniss and Galen. But now, my house is still and dark. I slip out of bed and go to my window. Katniss's house is darkened as well. I look at the clock. Not quite midnight.

I pull on a pair of pants and slippers and creep as silently as possible downstairs. I can hear Galen snoring loudly in his room. Without hesitation I slip out my front door, closing it silently behind me.

The nighttime spring air is cool but not cold as I walk purposefully to Katniss's house. At the front door I pause, then push down on the latch. The door opens easily.

I slip into Katniss's dark house, feeling my way carefully. I enter the dining room, shut the door, and finally risk turning on a light. I see with a smile that Katniss had cleared away our dishes and cleaned the table. I spot her birthday cake, still sitting on the sideboard. I pick it up carefully and carry it into the kitchen. I slice off a small piece and place the piece on a dessert plate.

Quickly turning off the kitchen and dining room lights, I make my way back into her darkened home. Feeling my way I find the stairs and slowly, quietly climb them to the second floor.

I pause briefly outside her room, listening intently for any sounds. Nothing but silence. I quietly open her door and slip inside her room. I shut the door behind me. In the dim light trickling in from outside I can barely make her out in bed, laying on her side, curled up tightly, her slow, steady breathing the only sound.

Carefully, I ease myself down onto the side of her bed, sitting facing her. I reach my free hand out to touch her face, gently tracing a fading burn scar near her left eye. I nearly jump out of my skin when her own hand reaches up and gently grabs my wrist.

"Took you long enough," Katniss says quietly. "I've been laying here awake ever since you opened my front door. I was almost ready to come downstairs to see what you were doing."

Finally recovering from my shock at her being awake, I hand her the plate. "I just thought I would bring you something," I say. Katniss leans up on her elbow and takes the plate from me. I can just make out her brow crease in a puzzled frown, then I see her frown turn into a smile.

"My cake," she says.

"We never did get around to it earlier. I thought you might like to try it," I say.

"Peeta? Did you come over to give me cake? Or are you planning on staying for a while?" Katniss asks me hopefully.

"I would like to stay...if you want me to," I reply.

Katniss says nothing, but turns and puts the plate on her nightstand. Turning back to me, she wordlessly pulls the comforter on her bed back and pats the mattress next to her lightly with her hand.

I stand up and kick off my slippers and pants, then climb into bed next to her. She immediately snuggles up next to me, her arm draped across my chest.

I slide my arm under her shoulders as she raises up slightly, then settles back down. Idly my hand plays with her hair, now falling loosely in waves down her shoulders. We lay like that for a few minutes, not speaking.

"I came over to your house earlier," Katniss says.

"I know," I say. I feel her head shift suddenly and I know she's looking at my face, even though the room is dark. "I was really groggy from the sedative, but I could hear you downstairs - talking to Galen."

"Eavesdropping?" she asks in a teasing voice.

"Not intentionally. I wanted to get up but my muscles were like jelly. But I did hear everything. That's why I came over tonight," I say.

"I'm glad you did," she says softly as she kisses my chest. I shiver slightly at her touch.

"So am I," I say, smiling. "I - missed this. From the time when we were on the Victory Tour, and I thought that you were finally - you know, feel the same for me like I did for you, and then when we got home, and things went back to the way they were before..."

"Haymitch is right," Katniss says suddenly.

"Huh? About what?" I ask.

"About not deserving you. He told me that after Snow read the card. When we knew we were going back into the Games," Katniss says quietly.

"And you think that - you don't deserve me?" I ask.

"I think that I've confused you a lot. I know I've hurt you a lot too. I've given you every reason to - hate me. But through all that, you bent but never broke," she says in a halting voice.

"Just shows that I really do love you, Katniss," I say softly. I feel her stiffen slightly at the word "love." Why is she so afraid of love?

"You must," she finally says. "I don't understand why, but you do."

"You don't have to understand it. But do you accept it?" I ask.

"Yes," she whispers.

I take a slow, deep breath before I ask her something I've never asked her before...because I don't know if I can handle the answer.

"Do you love me?" I blurt out.

Katniss is silent for several long, agonizing seconds. I know she can hear the pounding of my heart - her ear is on my chest.

"Peeta," she says slowly. Oh no, here it comes. Well, you asked for it. "Can you accept that I...care for you? More than I've ever cared for anyone except - Prim? Can you accept that I need you? And that you are the only person I have ever truly needed? Can you accept these - for now?"

I feel her arm tighten around me as she's talking - like she's afraid that I'm going to bolt out of bed. In response I pull her a little closer to me and kiss her forehead.

"Yes, I can accept you caring and needing me," I say. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like that."

"Don't be," she says. "Peeta, I will always give you the most honest answer that I can." She raises up and gives me a quick kiss. Suddenly the room is illuminated by a sudden flash of light, followed seconds later by a thunderclap. We both jerk, startled by the sudden storm.

"Maybe that's a sign," I say with a laugh as the rain starts to patter against the window. Katniss gives a small, nervous laugh in response as her arm tightens around me again.

"Let's get some sleep," she suggests. Good idea, but before I settle back and close my eyes, I lean down and kiss her one last time. She returns it, warmly.

"Goodnight, Katniss," I say gently.

"Goodnight, Peeta," Katniss whispers.

The rest of that night, neither of us had any nightmares.

**PART IV**

I awaken to the gray light of early morning. I feel a brief surge of panic when I realize that Katniss is no longer in bed with me - until I hear the sound of her toilet flushing. I chuckle to myself at my reaction as I see her bathroom door open. She quickly pads back to bed and climbs in next to me.

I turn lazily towards her. Her hair is tousled from sleep and she has that bleary look of someone that just awaked, but isn't quite awake.

"Good morning," I say with a smile.

"Good morning," she smiles back. I reach for her and she nestles back into my arms

Outside rain continues to pour down. Spring showers aren't uncommon in District Twelve. In fact, the night I threw Katniss the bread it was raining much as it is now - or was it. I feel my brow furrow into a frown.

"Peeta?" Katniss says in a concerned tone.

"When we were eleven, I deliberately burned two loaves of bread to give to you - real or not real?" I ask.

"Real," she whispers, her hand going to my face, tracing my own fading burn scars. "That was the first time you saved me."

"The first time?" I ask.

"Yes," she says. "The other times were in our two arenas. More than once." She giggled suddenly.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"When we were on the Victory Tour Train - before we got to Eleven. We - weren't getting along very well. I even yelled at Effie about her stupid schedule." I nod, remembering the incident. I know it's real.

"Anyway, you came back and talked to me and we agreed to try being friends. We were laughing because we realized that we had both risked our lives to save each other more than once in the arena, but we didn't even know what our favorite colors were. That's what made me laugh," Katniss explained with a smile.

"Forest green," I say to her.

"Yes," she says, "And yours is sunset orange."

"Yes," I say, "So, I take it no hunting today?"

"Not with this rain," Katniss says. "Maybe we can work on the memory book some more today."

"I'd like that," I say, "But for now, how about if we work on just a little more sleep?"

"Good idea," Katniss says with a smile as she snuggles close to me. "This is better than sleeping together on the train. Then you always had to jump up before everyone else awoke and go back to your compartment."

I kiss the top of her head. "Much better," I agree.

We doze like that for a while longer. This is the most relaxed I've felt since coming back to Twelve. I feel almost - normal.

Neither of us stirs until we hear Katniss's front door open and close, followed by the sounds of someone fussing around in her kitchen.

"Sae," Katniss says as she jumps out of bed. She starts to pull her t shirt off, then stops suddenly when she remembers that I'm there. She shoots me an embarrassed look as she grabs some clean clothes from her dresser and disappears into her bathroom.

I chuckle as I climb out of bed and pull on the clothes I wore over the night before - shirt, pants and slippers. I can hear the sound of water running in the bathroom, so I decide to head downstairs.

I walk into the kitchen to find Sae busy with preparing breakfast. As usual, she has entirely too much food. She also doesn't seem to be the least bit surprised at me still being there.

"Good morning, Peeta," she says cheerily, handing me a steaming cup of tea.

"Good morning, Sae," I reply with a smile. I take a seat at the kitchen table. "Katniss is getting dressed. She'll be down in a minute." I think of something and say, "Would you excuse me for a moment?"

"Of course," Sae says as I exit the kitchen and go into Katniss's study. I pick up her phone and dial my number.

"Peeta?" Galen answers on the second ring.

"Good morning, Galen," I say cheerily.

"I thought we agreed that you should keep your distance from her for a while," Galen says evenly.

"No - you suggested it," I reply. "Now, the reason I'm calling is to invite you for breakfast. Sae, as usual, has enough to feed the entire district."

"I accept, only because I'm a terrible cook, and I do need to keep an eye on you," Galen says. "I'll be over in two minutes."

"Just come on in when you get here," I say, and hang up before he has a chance to say anything else.

I walk back into the kitchen. Katniss is seated at the table. She looks at me quizzically.

"I invited Galen over for breakfast," I explain.

"Dr. Wellgood is coming?" Sae asks. "Oh, good - I know he'll have an appetite."

Just then we hear the door open, then close. Galen soon appears in the kitchen, wet from the rain. Sae hands him a cup of tea that he takes gratefully. He sits at the table with us.

"Good morning, Katniss...Peeta," he says evenly.

"Good morning, Galen," Katniss and I say in unison. We both giggle slightly like the school children that we just sounded like.

Galen stares at us in exasperation. His eyes widen a bit as he looks at Katniss - or rather, what she's eating.

"Cake for breakfast?" he says in surprise. I look over at Katniss. Sure enough, she's eating the piece of cake I brought up to her the night before.

Katniss shrugs. "Why not?" she asks with a smile.

"How is it?" I ask her.

"Delicious," she says. "Would anybody like some? There's plenty."

"Later, perhaps," Galen says. I just smile at her and shake my head.

"I need to talk to you both about last night. No, let me have my say then both of you can have yours," Galen says. Katniss and I both nod.

"Okay - I'm calling Dr. Aurelius today to give him a progress report on you both. In summary, I'm going to tell him that his latest anti-hijacking therapy seems to be helping you a great deal, Peeta. And, even though I am not a trained psychiatrist, I have noticed an improvement in you as well, Katniss."

Sae brings plates of food over and sets them in front of the three of us. We all start to eat, and I notice with amusement that Katniss is once again feeding her bacon to Buttercup.

"Delicious, Miss Sae," Galen says between bites.

"It's just Sae, Doctor," Sae says with a smile, "And thank you."

"Of course! Where was I? Oh, yes," Galen continues. "Now, Katniss - I think that the memory book project is wonderful therapy for you. I'm going to tell Aurelius as such. You aren't hunting today?"

Katniss shakes her head. "Not with this rain," she says.

"Good. Then today, you WILL call Dr. Aurelius as you agreed. No excuses," Galen says firmly. To my surprise, Katniss meekly agrees. Galen then turns to me.

"Peeta - I know we discussed you keeping your distance from Katniss - and no, I'm not suggesting any more that you do that. You have become quite good at recognizing the signs of an impending seizure. What does concern me is the two of you - spending the night together. Nightmares can be triggers for seizures. My concern is that you will find yourself in the throes of a seizure some night and do serious harm to Katniss before you realize it."

I take a deep breath. "Galen - Katniss and I both appreciate your concern." I look over at Katniss. She smiles and nods at me. "But - you have to understand that by us - sleeping together - that in itself is therapeutic. We rarely have nightmares when we're together, and if we do, we're there to help each other awaken from these dreams and to comfort each other. I made a decision last night - that I will never allow Katniss to sleep alone ever again. No matter what."

I turn to Katniss, and see her looking at me in a way that I've never seen her look at me before. I'm afraid that I may have gone too far with my little speech about us sleeping together until I see her smile reassuringly at me. I take her hand in mine.

"Katniss, you know how I feel. But the decision is yours. Do you want me to sleep with you - every night?"

Katniss smiles at me and squeezes my hand gently before she replies. She says one word.

"Always."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 - PRIM'S DAY**

**PART I**

I awaken to a darkened room and the pitiful sounds of moans coming from the restless figure laying next to me. I reach over to the nightstand next to my side of the bed and gently tap the night-light control on the table top. A dim, soft, gentle glow illuminates the bed. I turn back to Katniss, moaning in the grip of another nightmare.

"Prim," Katniss moans as I reach for her. I feel a lump in my throat as I hear the name that Katniss is muttering. "Prim!" Katniss barks out, flinching away from my touch. I make small, nonsensical soothing noises in an attempt to break through her dream. In the dim light I can see a sheen of sweat coat her face as her arms and legs thrash even more violently.

"Prim! PRIM! NO! PLEASE, NO!" Katniss is screaming now as I grab her flailing arms and draw her close to me. Of all the myriad nightmares that Katniss has to bear, the ones of her sister are the worst.

At the foot of the bed Buttercup's ears are perked up at the sound of Prim's name. The ugly little cat stares balefully at Katniss and gives a series of small, kitten-like mews. Katniss's thrashing is more violent as I hang on tightly to her, her moans and cries inarticulate now as the nightmare takes full hold of her.

"Katniss, shhhh, it's okay, shhhh, I'm right here, it's alright, Katniss," I murmur over and over, stroking her hair and never stopping the reassuring noises I'm making to her. She'll come out of it suddenly, like she always does.

Suddenly, Katniss's whole body stiffens and her hands clench at my arms almost spasmodically. I hear one, two, then three sharp gasps as I watch her face intently. Her eyes snap open, unfocused, as I continue to murmur to her reassuringly. She blinks rapidly as her eyes slowly focus and her hands relax their death grip from my arms.

"Peeta?" Katniss says my name plaintively. She takes a deep, shuddering breath. She stares into my eyes briefly, then her eyes shut tightly as her body wracks with sobs.

I hold her gently as Katniss cries for several minutes, not saying anything, just rubbing her back slowly as her sobs slow to a series of spastic hiccups.

My own eyes are moist - moist with the tears of grief that I still feel over the death of Primrose Everdeen. Sweet, gentle Prim, who became in the space of a few short months one of my closest - and unlikeliest - friends. A girl that showed surprising strength when tending to Gale Hawthorne after Gales brutal flogging at the hands of Head Peacekeeper Romulus Thread.

But now, I have to be strong...strong for Katniss. That's become my role on the nights that her terrors invade her sleep. For as vocal and as violent Katniss is during her nightmares, I'm just the opposite. Katniss never knows when I have a nightmare. And tonight she'll need my strength, so I blink rapidly to try to clear my eyes of the -

"Peeta?" Katniss says gently, as I feel her fingers trace over my cheekbones. She pulls her hand away and her fingertips come back wet.

"Hey - not you, too," she says. "One of us is enough, don't you think?" She tries, and fails, to make her voice light.

"Sorry," I whisper huskily. "Comforting is my job, not yours."

"When you need it, it BECOMES my job," Katniss says gently. "I just hate that I'm always the one waking you up."

"I'm not complaining," I say with a smile.

"You never do," she says, giving me a quick kiss. She looks at me intently, as if making up her mind about something.

"It was Prim," she says quietly.

"I know," I admit.

"Is that why?" Katniss asks, touching my face. I nod silently.

"Thank you," she says with a sad smile. I frown a little, puzzled. What is she thanking me for?

"Thank you for loving her," she explains. I understand now.

"It's easy to love her," I say. "Almost as easy as..." I let my voice trail off.

"As what?" Katniss asks.

"As...loving you," I whisper. Katniss responds by wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I hear her sigh deeply and feel her breath tickling my neck. My own arms envelope her small frame as we hold each other close.

Gradually I hear Katniss's breathing become deep and even. I gently disentangle myself from her arms. Before turning the night light off, I take one last look at her face, now relaxed in sleep. At times like this she looks so young - so vulnerable. I kiss her forehead gently then turn the light out and settle back next to her. Soon, I join her in sleep.

**PART II**

"I'm worried about Katniss," I say to Galen. He looks at me quizzically over the rim of his tea cup, then makes a "go on" motion with his hands.

"For the first couple of weeks after we started to...sleep together...every night, she was fine. Hardly any nightmares, and I was always able to calm her down quickly. But the last four nights she's had awful, screaming dreams."

"Does she talk to you about them?" Galen asks.

"Not usually...but I know what she's dreaming about. Prim," I reply.

"Her sister," Galen says, nodding.

"Yes, but why now?" I ask.

"Peeta, everyone grieves in their own way. And different events can act as triggers for grief. Can you think of anything that may have triggered her recent nightmares?"

I wrack my brain, trying to think of what would have caused her recent spate of Prim-related nightmares. Slowly, a year old memory starts to surface.

_Ever since the reading of the card by President Snow a few weeks ago - the twist in this years' Quarter Quell being that the tributes were to be reaped from the existing pool of Victors, guaranteeing that Katniss and most likely myself would be going back into the arena - I've taken on the thankless task of drill master, forcing both Katniss and Haymitch into training every day for the upcoming games. Even with his enforced sobriety, Haymitch is a poor student, and we know he would not stand much of a chance._

_Katniss has thrown herself grimly into the training, as have I. We share skills - she works on me with archery fundamentals, while I teach her basic wrestling moves, holds, and throws. Gale works with us both, teaching us different traps and snares. I have to grit my teeth at how he and Katniss are almost casually flirting with each other, but the skills he is teaching us are invaluable._

_Today, though, Katniss has been distracted. Her mind has obviously not been on training. We're practicing knife throwing, a skill that I know she already possesses, but today her knives are either bouncing harmlessly off the target, or missing entirely. Worse, it seems that she doesn't much care. I try to keep my temper in check but finally a series of misses forces me to take action._

_"Can I have a word?" I ask her. She stares at me defiantly for a moment, then nods her head once, brusquely as she spins on her heel and stalks away, not waiting for me._

_Haymitch is watching the whole exchange with an amused expression as he says, "Nice job on those last throws, Sweetheart! I think you actually managed to scare the target to death!"_

_"Shut up, Haymitch!" both Katniss and I snap. Katniss suddenly spins around and faces me, her eyes blazing._

_"This far enough?" she snaps._

_"Yes," I huff, finally catching up with her. "Okay, what's going on?" I ask._

_"I don't know what you're talking about," she sniffs._

_"Bullshit. Yesterday, you buried blade after blade in that target. Today, like Haymitch said, you're just scaring it to death. Now, talk!" I snap._

_Katniss just stands there, chewing her thumbnail and looking stubborn. I try a different approach._

_"Look, Katniss," I say, much quieter, "I know none of this is easy. And I know you're scared...because, so am I. Which is why we have to remain focused. So, how can I help?"_

_"You can't. No one can. The Reaping is in a couple of weeks and I'll never see her again after that," Katniss says miserably._

_"Don't talk like that. You ARE coming home!" I say sternly._

_"But I might not," she says stubbornly, "And that's why today is so important." _

_"What's today?" I ask softly._

_"Prim's birthday. Her thirteenth. I wanted to walk her home from school like I used to do and have dinner with her, and spend her special day with her, and -" she gets no further as she finally dissolves into tears._

_Wordlessly, I pull her into my arms. She collapses against my chest, sobbing. I hold her close until she stops crying. _

_"Go on," I say. "Go get Prim. I wish you would have said something. Knife throwing can wait until tomorrow."_

_"Thank you, Peeta," Katniss whispers, then gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. She turns to leave. She can still meet her sister after school if she hurries. Suddenly she turns back to me._

_"Would you - would you like to come to dinner tonight? For Prim's birthday dinner?" she asks._

_"Aren't birthdays usually just for family?" I ask. She smiles._

_"Yes," she says. "That's why I asked you."_

_"Six o'clock?" I ask. Katniss nods, smiles again, and, like that, is gone._

"Her birthday," I say suddenly. "Prim's birthday, I mean. It's...oh, wow. It's tomorrow."

"That makes sense as to why she's having these nightmares," Galen says. "Peeta, it's not uncommon for grieving people to find it very hard to deal with special events - birthdays, for example - especially the first time after someone passes on. It usually gets easier with time, but Katniss was unusually close with her sister. With her, it may never pass."

"So what do I do to help?" I ask.

"Exactly what you've been doing," Galen says. "But don't make a big deal of it. Let her know that you know why she's having a hard time - then give her space. Be there for her if she wants you there - but be prepared to step back if you have to."

"I feel so bad for Katniss," I say miserably.

"I know you do, Peeta," Galen says. "Just remember, sometimes doing the best thing is doing nothing at all."

**PART III**

After talking with Galen, I head over to Haymitch's. He needs to know what's going on with Katniss and her latest struggle with her grief over Prim's death. Thankfully, Katniss is out hunting today, so I have a little time before she returns.

I see Haymitch's geese wandering around his front yard, pecking at the feed he has strewn there recently. I'm not the only one surprised at how well he has taken to keeping geese. As always, I wonder if I will find him passed out on his kitchen table, or awake and lucid.

That question is answered as I approach his front door. I can hear him having an animated conversation with someone, and after a few seconds of hearing just his voice I realize that he's talking to someone on the phone. I knock briskly and open the door, not waiting for an invitation. Haymitch appears at the door to his study and waves me in, never taking the phone from his ear.

"Look, all I'm saying is that maybe it's not the best idea right now...yeah, yeah, I know it's been over two months...listen...no, Plutarch, damn it! Yeah...okay...look, Peeta's here...yes, I'll talk to him...yeah, yeah, you too. Bye." Haymitch angrily slams the phone down in its cradle as he sinks into the chair behind the desk and wearily rubs his hands over his face.

I sit down in the chair facing the desk. "So?" I ask. "What did Plutarch want?"

"Another brilliant idea from our new Secretary of Communications," Haymitch says dryly. "He wants to commemorate the first anniversary of no Hunger Games by having a ceremony in each district, featuring, of course, all surviving Victors, Escorts, Stylists, and Prep Teams."

"What kind of ceremony?" I ask. Haymitch shrugs.

"Plutarch was predictably...vague...on that subject. I pointed out that only Districts Two, Three, Four, Seven and Twelve have surviving Victors, and that the Escorts, Stylists and Prep Teams fared even worse, thanks to Coins Purge."

In the immediate aftermath of the defeat of the Capitol, Alma Coin had sent out special teams whose only job was to arrest anyone and everyone that had anything to do with the Games. Some - like Portia, my Stylist, and my Prep Team as well as Katniss's Stylist, Cinna - had been arrested and executed by President Snow. But many had been dragged in front of a sham tribunal headed by Coin herself, tried, found guilty, and publicly executed. Escorts, Stylists, Prep Teams, Gamemakers - only a small handful had survived.

Plutarchs real motive for this ceremony suddenly hits me. "Haymitch, Plutarch really only cares about one districts participation in this - and that's Twelve."

Haymitch looks at me over his steepled fingers. "Go on," he says thoughtfully.

"It's easy," I say. "There are seven districts with no surviving Victors. And, other than us, the other four districts with Victors only have one each. Plus, we have one of the last surviving Escorts - Effie - and Katniss's Prep Team - Flavius, Octavia, and Venia. And we have the Mockingjay." I pause and look at Haymitch for a reaction.

"That makes sense," he says slowly. "And it's exactly the sort of thing that manipulative son of a bitch would do. Include all the districts, sure - but the focus is on us. I should have known!"

"There's a problem with this," I say and quickly bring Haymitch up to speed with Katniss's latest struggle with her grief over Prim. "And then there's me. Even thinking about this has me tied up in knots inside. I can't guarantee that I won't have a hijacking seizure right in the middle of Plutarchs show."

"I know, kid. I've been trying to convince Plutarch that this is a really bad idea. The problem is, he has Paylor's backing on this. They both feel that it will help 'Panem heal even further.' And, you'll like this even less - they want to do it on Reaping Day. Broadcast it all over Panem. Viewing 'encouraged' but not 'mandatory,'" Haymitch says disgustingly.

"Reaping Day?!" I say in amazement. "That's in less than two weeks!"

"Exactly. And neither of you looks to be in any sort of emotional shape to participate. I can guarantee you this, though - they don't want me representing the district. Paylor doesn't want to force either you or Katniss to participate - but she will, if it's for the 'greater good of Panem,'" Haymitch says, looking resigned.

Suddenly, I get the germ of an idea. This just may work - and Katniss would go along willingly - but I just had an idea that would benefit both the new government and our district.

Quickly I outline my idea to Haymitch. For the first time today, I see a grin crease his face.

"Kid, there's no way they can refuse that kind of deal," he says gleefully. He picks up the phone and punches in a number, then leans over and presses the speaker button.

"Secretary Heavensbee's office, Fulvia Cardew speaking," says the voice coming over the speaker.

"Fulvia? Haymitch here. Put him on," Haymitch says curtly.

"One moment, Haymitch," Fulvia's clipped Capitol accent betrays her irritation at Haymitch's abrupt attitude.

"That was quick," Plutarchs voice says. "Did he agree?"

"Not yet," I say with a smile. I can imagine Plutarch squirming uncomfortably when he realizes that I can hear every word he says. Still, he recovers nicely.

"Peeta!" he says jovially. "How are you doing? Better, I trust? Wellgood taking good care of you?"

"I'm fine," I say evenly, "I doubt if you will be in a few minutes, though."

"What? Now wait just a -" Haymitch quickly cuts him off.

"I ran your little proposal past Peeta, Plutarch," Haymitch says, "And he's rightly concerned about not only his mental state, but Katniss's also. So, he has a counter proposal for you."

"I thought they were both doing much better - but, go on - I'm listening," Plutarch says.

"First of all," I say, "We are both doing much better. That doesn't mean we are both one hundred percent mentally. And I feel that this little show that you want to put on will come at a very high price for both Katniss and I."

"What is it you want?" Plutarch snaps. Haymitch grins and gives me a thumbs up.

"First, understand that I have not spoken to Katniss about this yet. She has to agree to it. If she doesn't then we have no deal - and you have no show," I say.

"Again, Peeta - what is it you want?" Plutarch asks again.

"In exchange for this little Reaping Day propo that you want us to do, I - we - want the rebuilding of District Twelve to be the new governments number one priority," I say.

"We have been rebuilding Twelve," Plutarch says evenly.

"Yes," I say. "The train station, the Justice Building, and the new Peacekeeper headquarters and barracks. But almost no housing, and none of the local shops or stores have been rebuilt. The only district residents that have returned are those few that live here in the Village, carting what's left of bodies they find in burned out buildings to a mass grave in the Meadow. People can't come back here if there's no place for them to come back to!"

"Peeta, you have to understand that Twelve was not the only district damaged during the Rebellion. Districts Two, Four and Eight also suffered heavy damage, as did Thirteen. I haven't even mentioned the Capitol. Our resources are already stretched very thin," Plutarch says reasonably.

"Well, if you can name one other district that was firebombed and burned to the ground, I'll be happy to listen," I say. "No? No others? Okay then. That's my proposal. Top priority for rebuilding goes to Twelve. Contingent on Katniss agreeing of course. Oh, and our priority for rebuilding begins immediately."

"You understand that President Paylor has to agree to this?" Plutarch asks.

"Yes," I say, "Just like Katniss has to agree. Oh, and I won't be able to give you an answer for at least two days." I quickly explain Prim's upcoming birthday and how it's affecting Katniss.

"When will you know?" Plutarch asks.

"Day after tomorrow at the earliest," I say. "I'm not even gonna mention it to her until then."

"Fair enough," Plutarch says, "And Peeta - be persuasive." He hangs up before I can say anything else.

I stand up. "I need to head home before Katniss comes back," I say.

"Okay, kid," Haymitch says, pulling a flask from an inside vest pocket. He unscrews it and drinks deeply.

"See you later," I say simply. Haymitch doesn't respond, but lifts his flask in salute as I leave.

**PART IV**

When Katniss returns home I'm in the living room, going through her seemingly never ending stack of mail. The flood that she had when she first returned to Twelve had slowed to a trickle. Still, Katniss normally spends an hour or so each evening going through the letters and writing responses to them. I don't bother to read the letters thoroughly - I'm looking for one specific type of letter.

Hate mail.

About one letter in every hundred is filled with hate. These letters are most likely written by disgruntled Capitol citizens - people who probably made a pretty lucrative living off the Games, most likely through betting on the various Tributes. Gambling during the Games had always resulted in some pretty big paydays for certain citizens.

These letters I set aside for delivery to Haymitch. Somehow Haymitch got them to Plutarch, who in turn made sure that the new governments security service received them. There they would be analyzed in every way possible - fingerprints, DNA analysis, even examination of the ink, handwriting, and paper. So far Haymitch has been informed that the security service had achieved some positive results, and arrests had even been made.

But today, everything is positive. Lilly Donegal, the girl from District Four, and Katniss regularly write each other. Haymitch calls them "pen pals." Where he gets these old expressions is anyone's guess, but in this case it seems to fit well. Katniss has even talked to Lilly on the phone a couple of times. Galen mentioned the friendship to Dr. Aurelius, and Aurelius calls their friendship "transference." He feels that Lilly is filling a void in Katniss's life that was made when Prim died.

All I know is, Katniss is always in a good mood when she hears from Lilly, and that's all I really care about.

Katniss says nothing when she enters the house today. I hear her go directly to the kitchen and I soon hear familiar sounds of her cleaning whatever she bagged today. I give her a few minutes and then get up to join her.

Sure enough, she's plucking a wild turkey. She glances up and flashes me a small smile as I walk in.

"Hey," I say casually, leaning up against the counter while I watch her.

"Hi," she says quietly, concentrating on her task. A mound of feathers continues to grow next to her as she works.

"Need any help?" I ask with a smile.

Katniss stops plucking the bird to look up at me in amused exasperation. "Peeta - no offense. You are a fantastic baker. As a butcher, though..." she lets her voice trail off.

"Just thought I'd offer," I say as I move a little closer to her. Even dirty from her hunt, sweaty from exertion, her hair disheveled and plastered to her scalp in places...she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

"It's appreciated, but...make some cheese buns or something," she says.

"Already made this morning. Along with wheat bread, nut bread, and sesame seed."

"Okay then - your work in here is done. Now get out and let me finish gutting this bird," she says with just a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Just a minute," I say and turn away from her, opening up a bread box on the counter. I remove something and turn back around. "Open," I say.

Katniss rolls her eyes but dutifully opens her mouth. I raise the fresh cheese bun to her lips and she takes a greedy bite, chewing slowly and savoring the taste. I put the rest of the bun on a small plate and turn to leave, when two surprisingly strong hands grab my shoulders and spin me around. Her arms twine around my neck as she raises up on tiptoe for a quick kiss.

"Thanks," she says with a smile. "Now - out!"

Sheepishly I leave the kitchen. I walk outside, feeling the afternoon sun warm on my face. Haymitch is herding his geese through the Village and spots me. He makes his way over to where I'm standing in front of Katniss's house.

"Talked with Plutarch a little while ago. Paylor's given her okay to your terms," he says without preamble.

"That was fast," I say in surprise.

"Yeah," he says. "You're talking to Katniss day after tomorrow?"

I nod. "Yeah. Once she gets past tomorrow."

"I saw her earlier. She doing okay?" Haymitch asks. He is sincerely concerned about her. Whether he wanted to or not he has become genuinely fond of Katniss.

"She seems to be," I reply, "But I think she's holding a lot in." Just then we both see the cleanup crews returning to the Village. Their work is almost completed, and soon, the mass grave in the Meadow will be filled in. I spot Thom and wave him over. He says something to the group that he's walking with, the both he and Leevy trot over.

"Hey, Peeta - Haymitch," Thom greets us with a smile. Leevy greets us both with quick hugs and smiles.

"Where's Katniss?" she asks. I jerk my thumb back over my shoulder.

"Inside, wrestling with a fresh turkey," I say.

"I'm gonna go say hello. Thom, are you alright out here?" she asks.

"Uhh...yeah, fine, Leevy," he says, reddening. Haymitch and I are both looking a little confused at the exchange, until Leevy raises up and kisses Thom quickly.

"Okay, be right back, sweetie," she says cheerily as she skips into the house.

Haymitch and I turn back to a now thoroughly embarrassed Thom. "So, when did all this come about, 'sweetie?'" asks an amused Haymitch.

"Come on, guys," Thom stammers, "Look - everyone's lost someone here. And, well...it just happened. She's been...well...my girlfriend for a couple of weeks now."

"Congratulations!" I say with a grin and shake his hand.

"So...cleanup is just about done?" Haymitch asks.

"Yeah," Thom nods. "We're basically done today. After that, we can start rebuilding for real."

"We're working on getting some help in that area," Haymitch says. I shoot him a look but he continues on coolly, "And hopefully get some more district residents to return."

"In the meantime, I've started putting a lot of my crews to work in the Seam, planting vegetable gardens. Doubt if there's gonna be any new building there any time in the near future, and we'll need the food come winter. I just wish more of us knew how to hunt," Thom says thoughtfully.

"Thom, how would you like a job?" Haymitch asks suddenly.

Thom looks at Haymitch with a hint of suspicion. "Depends. What kind of job?"

"Mayor of District Twelve," Haymitch says casually. I look at Haymitch in amazement.

"Say that again. I could have sworn you said Mayor," Thom says.

"How would you like to be Mayor?" Haymitch asks again.

"I'm not qualified. I was mining coal a year ago!" Thom protests.

"And less than a year ago, you and Gale Hawthorne led 900 people to safety the night of the firebombing. You fought bravely in the Rebellion - Squad Leader, if memory serves. And since your return, you've pretty much been the leader of the cleanup effort. People follow you and do what you say because they respect you, not because they have to," Haymitch says reasonably.

"What about Gale?" Thom asks with a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Gale's in Two - and won't be returning to Twelve any time soon," Haymitch explains.

"What about you, Haymitch? Or you, Peeta?"

Haymitch laughs. "Oh no, son...I'm retiring from public life. I just want to raise my geese now."

"Don't look at me," I say. "I just want to get the bakery back up and running again." I surprise myself - that's the first time I ever mentioned starting up the bakery again to anyone, although I had thought about it from time to time.

"I just don't know," Thom says.

Haymitch puts his arm around Thom's shoulders. "You'll do fine. You already have the mark of a good leader. You don't want the job."

Just then Leevy comes out of the house, followed by Katniss. Leevy goes straight to Thom and kisses him, much to his embarrassment. Katniss - well, she doesn't kiss me, but slides familiarly under my arm.

"So, what have you 'men' been talking about?" Leevy asks cheerily.

"Leevy, you won't believe this," Thom begins.

"Try me," Leevy says with a smile.

**PART V**

Katniss had decided on having the turkey tomorrow night. On Prim's birthday. She mentioned it casually when we went back in the house. She thinks Thom becoming the Mayor is a great idea, by the way.

Together we scrape up a quick meal of leftovers. During dinner we talk about what to have with the turkey tomorrow. I'm a little concerned about the meal - Sae's granddaughter has been ill for the last couple of days, so Katniss and I have been fending for ourselves. I'm not a bad cook but Katniss leaves a lot to be desired.

As we clean up from dinner, Katniss casually mentions that she's invited Leevy and Thom for dinner. I look at her in surprise as she continues on that we should ask Haymitch and Blake as well - and Galen, of course.

"Something wrong?" she asks.

"Uhh...no...nothing's wrong," I stutter. "I'm just a little surprised that...well, that you -"

"Would want people over for dinner on Prim's birthday?" Katniss finishes for me gently.

"Yes," I say quietly.

Katniss turns and steps easily into my arms. "Peeta - you know this last week has been hard on me," she says.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I -" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"No, you've been great," she says. "And truthfully, this morning when I went out I was planning on spending tomorrow alone - all day. But today, out in the woods, something happened."

"What happened?" I ask.

"I talked with Prim," Katniss says. I look at her in surprise and alarm. She gives a quick laugh at my expression. "No, no...nothing like that. I wasn't hallucinating, or going crazy. It was more a talk inside my mind. Kind of a 'what would Prim do, or want me to do' kind of thing."

Visibly relieved, I ask, "So what did she tell you?"

"We agreed that we love each other and will forever. But she said that, for her sake, I need to move on and live my life - and that she knows I will never forget her. So I decided that she's right, and that I need to live each day as it comes, and not relive those awful moments constantly. That's when the idea came to have everyone for dinner - because everyone that I mentioned is a part of my family - my new family."

She glances up at me, eyes shining with unshed tears - but she's smiling.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "I mean, if you want we can cancel everything."

"No! I mean, I'm sure," she says in a quieter tone.

"I'll ask Haymitch, Galen and Blake tomorrow," I say as I hold her close to me.

"I love Prim, Peeta. I always will, more than words can say. But tomorrow I not only want to mourn, but celebrate her life. I guess I've done a little growing here since I've been back," she says quietly.

As I continue to hold her, I say to myself, I couldn't agree more.

**A/N - Hope everyone enjoyed this bittersweet ending to this chapter! Day by day, Katniss and Peeta continue to heal a bit more. I just hope that she can continue to hold it together. Will she agree to the ceremony? Time will tell! Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9- MEMORIES**

**PART I**

A nightmare seizes me in the middle of the night. As usual, I awaken quietly - as much screaming and thrashing around that Katniss does during her nightmares, I'm just the opposite. I awaken tense, heart pounding, sweating - but I rarely, if ever, wake Katniss.

I become aware that Katniss is not in bed with me. I roll over and glance at the bathroom door, looking for the telltale strip of light leaking out from the bottom of the door, but it's dark. Now I begin to feel a little concerned - it's really not like Katniss to be able to slip out of bed without me noticing.

I roll out of bed, debate on whether or not to turn on a light, then head for the bedroom door. In the upstairs hallway, I glance around, looking for any signs of lights being on anywhere in the big house. I see nothing, not even coming from downstairs. Sometimes after a really bad nightmare, I will go downstairs with Katniss and we will have tea or hot chocolate together. But there's no sign of her.

The light from the full moon shines through the windows, giving me enough light to be able to make my way carefully down the hallway. For some reason that I can't entirely explain I don't turn on any lights. Now I'm playing a sudden hunch that popped into my head. One bedroom door in the hall is slightly ajar, where the others are all closed.

Prims old room.

I carefully push the door open. In the dim moonlight I can just make out a form curled up on Prims bed. Katniss is laying on her side, curled up in a tight ball. I can just make out that she has something clutched in her hands tightly. As quietly as possible I creep a little closer to the bed until I can make out that Katniss is holding a hooded sweater that I knew was a favorite of Prims. Her face is buried in the fabric and I can just make out tear tracks on her face.

I retreat from the room and return to Katniss's bedroom. I quickly snatch a light blanket off the back of a chair and carry it back to Prims bedroom. As carefully and as gently as possible I pull the blanket over Katniss's sleeping form, then back out of the room and go back to bed.

I can almost hear Galen telling me to "Let Katniss grieve in her own way." And that's exactly what I intend to do. I roll over to go back to sleep and instinctively reach out for her, grabbing one of her pillows instead. I pull the pillow close to me and bury my face in it, inhaling Katniss's familiar scent. At that moment I realize that's what Katniss was doing with Prims sweater - inhaling her sisters unique scent, trying to find some part of her that still lives, that she can call up and bury herself in.

Holding her pillow, I understand completely now what she's doing.

"Goodnight, Katniss," I murmur into her pillow, as I slowly drift back to sleep.

**PART II**

I awaken the next morning, still alone in bed. The rest of my night was uninterrupted by any dreams - good or bad. Katniss's side of the bed is as it was last night when I first discovered her gone, so I know she didn't come back to bed at any time during the night.

I slip out of bed and head down the hallway to Prims old room. The door is closed once more. Carefully I push down on the latch and open the door, only to find Prims bed as undisturbed as it usually is. The only evidence of Katniss's presence there last night is the blanket that I covered her with, now folded neatly at the foot of the bed, and the sweater that Katniss was so desperately clutching last night draped over a chair.

Leaving the room, I close the door carefully and search the rest of the house quickly, although I already knew what I'd find. Nothing. Katniss is gone. Her fathers old leather jacket is gone as well, and when I check the coat closet downstairs her bow and arrows are missing as well.

So, she's gone hunting. And, from her spending the night in Prims room, clutching Prims favorite sweater to her, it seems that she's not handling her grief quite as well as she let on last night. Sighing deeply, I go upstairs to get dressed. I have to talk to Haymitch and Galen before it gets too much later in the day.

Heading outside, I turn to go to Haymitch's place first. I'm surprised to see him up and outside already, sitting morosely on his front steps staring blankly at his small flock of geese pecking at some feed that he had scattered on his front lawn for them. I stroll over to his house and sit down next to him on the steps.

"Up early," I say cheerily, belying the dark feeling welling up inside me.

"Hmmpf," Haymitch grunts, not even glancing in my direction.

"Dinner tonight at six," I say. "Roasting the turkey Katniss shot yesterday."

"We'll see," Haymitch says dryly, reaching into an inner vest pocket and pulling out a small flask. He unscrews it and drinks deeply.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap, irritated.

"Oh, just that I saw Miss Sunshine storming out of her earlier this morning, black cloud hanging over her head, with bow in hand," Haymitch replies. "Seems like maybe she's not handling things as well as you thought."

"Today is her sisters birthday, after all," I say.

"I know," Haymitch says. "Believe it or not, kid, but I really do feel bad for her. Everyone loved that little girl." He reaches over and pats me awkwardly on the shoulder. For Haymitch this qualifies as a tremendous outpouring of compassion.

Quickly I bring him up to speed on what had happened the night before, with me finding Katniss sleeping in Prims room. As I'm telling him what was going on the previous night, Galen walks over and joins us. Grateful that he's here, I fill him in on what's been happening with Katniss as well.

Galen pulls up a lawn chair and sits in front of us, unmindful of the geese busy feeding around and under his chair.

"Boys, do you know what the absolute strongest sense is when it comes to triggering memory?" Galen asks us.

"Uhhh...sight I guess," I answer tentatively. Haymitch nods, "Yep, sight. That's what I was gonna say also."

"While sight is a very powerful sense, it's not the sense that triggers the strongest memories. Smell is," Galen explains. "Think about it. Peeta, when you smell baking bread, what's the first thing that usually pops into your head?"

"The bakery," I say automatically. "And when I smell cinnamon, I always think of...my Dad."

"Yet, you can look at a loaf of bread, or a container of cinnamon, and it doesn't trigger the same, intense memories," Galen explains. "Katniss is using her sisters sweater to try to capture and hold a memory of her that she fears is fading. By holding it close to her and inhaling Prims scent she keeps that memory fresh."

"But, eventually, that scent will be gone," I say.

"Yes...but there's other ways. Video footage of Prim during your first Games, when you were down to the Final Eight - when she was interviewed. Interviews with her before and during your Victory Tour. It's not the same and the scent, but hearing her voice and seeing her move will help hold those memories immensely. Katniss was very close to her sister...her grief will most likely last a lifetime," Galen says somberly.

"Katniss was telling me yesterday that she 'talked' with Prim - in her mind," I say.

"Peeta, she's doing her best to come to grips with her loss. In time, these occurrences will be less and less frequent. In fact, considering all that you both have been through, you've both made remarkable progress," Galen says.

"They've helped each other, Doc," Haymitch says. I had almost forgotten that he was here. "I really had my doubts about Katniss when she and I first came back. She wasn't eating, wasn't interested in doing anything, just sat and stared at the wall all day. When Peeta showed up, she started coming out of her shell that same day - starting when you planted those bushes by the side of her house."

"Bushes?" Galen asks.

"The day I got back - for some reason, I wandered a bit into the forest. Through the old district fence - the one they used to keep electrified," I explain. "I found the bushes growing right at the edge of the forest. Evening Primrose bushes. So I came back, found a shovel and wheelbarrow, and dug them up. I transplanted them at the side of Katniss's house. She came out while I was working."

"And it wasn't exactly a joyful reunion, either," Haymitch interjects. "More like two stray dogs circling around each other, neither one sure of what the other is gonna do."

"And why did you plant those bushes?" Galen asks me.

"I - I don't know. For Katniss. For Prim. For both of them," I stammer.

"And for you, too," Galen says gently. "Look, I'm not a trained psychiatrist - but I had years of on the job training here during my posting as the mine company physician. I never had any way to adequately treat the people that came to me for help...at least until the Typhoid epidemic...so I turned to treating their minds. Aurelius calls me the best unlicensed psychiatrist he's ever met." Galen chuckles a bit at this revelation.

"So here's my analysis, for what it's worth. Katniss comes home to the district, both physically and mentally scarred. She spent years taking care of her family. Forced to grow up at the age of eleven. Losing her father - a man she loved deeply - to a mining accident. Survives not one, but two, back to back Hunger Games. Becomes the reluctant symbol of the Rebellion. Sees you, Peeta, mentally broken and brainwashed by the Capitol. Fights a brutal, bloody war. Watches her sister die and is unable to do anything to stop it. Assassinates the new President of Panem when she finds out that Coin was directly responsible for Prims death. Blames her best friend, in part, for designing the instrument of Prims death. Comes back to the district after being found not guilty of murder, having, in her mind, lost EVERYONE that she's ever cared about." Galen pauses for a moment before continuing.

"Everyone. Her father, her sister, her mother - when she decided to go to Four instead of coming back here - her friend Madge, killed in the firebombing - her best friend Gale - and most of all, Peeta - you. She felt she had lost you forever - not to death, but to something that she couldn't understand - she felt she lost the person that you were. So when you showed up here - well, she wouldn't admit it, but she suddenly had a glimmer of hope. No offense to you, Haymitch - but Peeta was what she really needed."

"None taken," Haymitch says dryly. "I was just here to keep an eye on her until this guy -" he jerks a thumb at me "- came back anyway."

I sit, stunned and confused by everything that Galen has just said. I know my return had sparked a change in Katniss - it sparked a change in me too. And I know that, in spite of literally starting over with each other, we have both become very close - the closest we have ever been. But I never thought of myself as someone that she truly needed - despite what she's told me to the contrary.

Galen stands up. "Well, boys, I'm heading into town. The new Liaison wants my opinion on where to locate the new district medical and dental clinic. Oh, that's right - before much longer we'll have a fully staffed clinic here," Galen says with a smile.

"See you at dinner?" I ask.

Galen winks. "Six sharp. I'll be there."

"You too, Haymitch," I say firmly.

Haymitch throws up his hands in mock surrender. "Who am I to turn down a turkey dinner?"

**PART III**

Katniss returns while I'm busying myself in the kitchen. The turkey is roasting in the oven. I'm working on bread and a cake when she comes in. I notice her game bag doesn't seem as full as normal. She tosses the bag on the table.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Hi," I answer, turning from the counter. We both stand there awkwardly for a few seconds then Katniss turns to her game bag, emptying the contents on the table.

"So, I went to the pond and got some wild katniss, and picked some wild onion as well. I got some strawberries too, even though I figured that you would be making a cake - we can eat them for breakfast or something. There's some dandelion for salad also. I didn't really hunt but there were a couple of rabbits in the snares I set, so I dropped them off with Sae, I figured she could stew them up, and -"

I come up behind her and gently put my hands on her shoulders. I feel her flinch slightly at the contact. She draws in her breath sharply and I feel her whole body stiffen and shudder.

"Katniss," I say gently. She spins around and looks up at me. For a brief second I see a flash of fire in her eyes - anger, maybe - and then her expression immediately softens. I can see every freckle on her face, dusting across her nose. Her chin trembles slightly as she collapses against my chest and finally a huge sob tears from her throat.

"I miss her so, so, much!" is all she says, gripping my arms tightly in her hands. I wrap my arms around her, hands gently rubbing her back, making soft little comforting sounds as she cries. We stand like that for endless minutes until she finally takes a few gulping breaths and wipes the heel of her hand against her eyes.

"I was afraid you'd be mad," she finally says.

"Mad for what?" I ask, still holding her.

"For - sleeping with Prim. For - running out of the house this morning. For...for lying to you," she says haltingly.

"When did you lie?" I ask.

"Yesterday," she says quietly. "When I told you that...things were better with me...about Prim. They're not. And I can't stop thinking about her. And it hurts SO MUCH!" Another loud sob. More tears - from both of us. Both of us holding tightly to each other.

"Look at me," she says with a tearful laugh. "Look at you! We're both such a mess!"

"Yes, we are," I agree. "But maybe - just maybe - between the two of us, we can put each other back together again."

"Maybe," Katniss whispers. "But what if we -" I cut off whatever she was going to say with a kiss. A gentle, loving kiss. Not hungry - a kiss that says I'm here for you. One she returns with enthusiasm. I break the kiss and look down at her.

"And no, I'm not mad," I say with a smile. After a moment, she smiles back.

"Thanks for covering me up last night. I was cold," Katniss finally says.

"Anytime," I say as I feel her arms tighten around me once again.

**PART IV**

Dinner that evening was relaxed and pleasant. Thom was probably the most uncomfortable person there, given our good natured joking with him about his new relationship with Leevy, and about agreeing to becoming the new Mayor. In fact, he was still trying to convince Haymitch that he was not the right person for the job.

"But Haymitch, I'm only twenty! And what do I know about being a mayor?" Thom protested again.

"Karl Undersee was twenty-two when he was appointed mayor," Haymitch points out. "Age has nothing to do with it. People respect you and you've already proven yourself a good leader."

"Yes, but - well, aren't they supposed to choose mayors differently? Doesn't everybody pick the person they want and the person with the most picks wins?" Thom asked.

"It's called an 'election' Thom, and yes, we will eventually have open elections here in Twelve - just like we did when Paylor was elected President," Haymitch explains patiently. "In fact, I understand that the new government will soon reinstate the District Congress and we will be having elections for people to represent Twelve in the Capitol."

I had heard of the District Congress before, during one of my conversations with Haymitch. He knows an amazing amount of Panem history and even some history of what things were like before the Catastrophes. Haymitch had told me that the Capitol dissolved the District Congress during the Dark Days and the First Rebellion, and never reinstated the Congress once the Treaty of Treason was signed. It was a heady thought that soon each district would have an equal voice in the affairs of Panem.

"I still don't that I'm qualified. I mean, I used to be nothing but a coal miner," Thom says.

"Karl was a handyman and gardener before he was chosen. Sorry, Thom, but your arguments aren't valid," Haymitch says with a grin.

"Fine. I'll do it! But only until we can have one of those elections and choose a qualified mayor," Thom says stubbornly.

"But what happens, Thom, if we have this election and you are chosen?" Katniss says. I look at her in surprise. I wasn't even aware that she was following the conversation.

"You mean - if I get enough picks?" Thom asks in surprise. It's obvious he never thought of this angle before.

"Votes, Thom - they're called votes. And yes, you could get the most. What then?" Haymitch says.

"Umm - Well, in that case...I guess I'll continue being mayor," Thom says sheepishly.

"Atta boy," Haymitch says.

The rest of the evening went much like that. Easy, relaxed conversation, the meal got raves from everyone, and district gossip was traded back and forth. There was one bit of news that surprised me - the next train coming into town would be bringing two more residents back - Delly Cartwright and Rory Hawthorne. I watched Katniss carefully when she heard the news about Rory. Not only is he Gales brother, but he and Prim and become exceptionally close. But Katniss seemed to be genuinely excited to have him coming home.

When dinner was over, before we brought the cake out, I take Katniss aside.

"Are you sure that you're up to this?" I say with concern.

"Peeta...yes. It's something that I have to do - and need to do. Everyone has been so good about not mentioning why we're all here tonight. I can't promise that I won't cry, but I want to do this," she says.

I give her a quick hug in response.

We assemble everyone in the living room for the cake. I carry the cake into the room, followed by Katniss carrying plates, forks, and a serving knife. After I place the cake on the table, and after Katniss places the plates and silverware down, she steps forward and takes a deep breath.

"I want to thank all of you for coming tonight," she begins shakily. Speaking to a group of any size is not her strong point. "As you probably all know, I've been a bit...emotional...these last few days, because of today. Today, my sister Prim," at this point I hear a slight hitch in her breath, and glance at her quickly, but she gamely continues on, "My sister Prim would have been fourteen years old. When she was little she would beg me to stop at the bakery to look at the decorated cakes in the window." At this she stops and gives me a little smile that I immediately return.

"Prim will always be the most important person in my life," she continues, "Someone that I loved more than anything. And when I lost her," another hitch in her voice, "Well, it was like a part of me died. I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about her. And I know what she would want me to do. She would want me to live my life and be happy. So that's what I'm going to try to do. When I told Peeta that I wanted to have this dinner, and I named all of you, I told him that I considered you all my new family. So thank you all for being here, and I hope that you all enjoy the cake."

As she finishes with her speech, she suddenly turns to me and buries her face in my chest. As I hold her, everyone else comes up to speak a few words to her. She doesn't cry very hard, or very long, but I knew how emotional it was for her to tell everyone her feelings.

The rest of the evening was more somber, but still pleasant as everyone enjoyed the cake - the first birthday cake Prim ever had - and even laughed a bit at some stories we told about our experiences with Prim. Finally, though, everyone left, and Katniss and I quickly finished cleaning up and putting everything away.

As we were getting ready for bed, I reminded myself that tomorrow I need to speak to Katniss about Plutarchs idea to have a ceremony on Reaping Day. I sigh. Convincing her won't be easy, but I did promise both Haymitch and Plutarch that I would speak to her as soon as Prims birthday was over. And tomorrow is that day.

I hear water running in the bathroom as I lay back in bed, my fingers laced together, my arms behind my head. I wince a little as I shift in the bed - lately my Robo-leg has been bothering me. I make a mental note to talk to Galen about it tomorrow. For now, I'm hoping that the deal I struck with Plutarch, and already approved by President Paylor, to give Twelve rebuilding priority would help sway her opinion.

The bathroom is quiet now, then the door opens and Katniss comes out, ready for bed. She gives me a quick smile as she climbs into bed next to me, then snuggles next to me.

"You've really been wonderful these past couple of weeks, you know that?" she asks me.

I shrug. "I know how hard it's been for you. I was just trying to give you whatever you need," I say with a smile.

Katniss turns her face up to me and gives me a quick kiss. "You did just that, Peeta. Thank you," she says.

I reach over and turn out the light. In the darkness, I say, "Anything you need me to do, I'll do, Katniss. You know that."

"It's nice to hear, though," she says as she snuggles even closer to me. I'm not sure which of us fell asleep first. All I know is that both of us slept the night through, with no nightmares.

**PART V**

I wake up the next morning before Katniss. I look over at her, and see how relaxed and peaceful her face looks. I gently kiss her forehead, making her smile a bit, and slip carefully out of bed. I pull on a shirt and shorts and go downstairs.

As I get to the downstairs landing I hear the sound of the front door opening. I glance at the door in alarm until I realize that it's only Greasy Sae. She's been away for a few days taking care of her sick granddaughter.

"Peeta!" Sae says in surprise. "I wasn't expecting you up this early."

"Good morning, Sae. I just woke up. Katniss is still sleeping, though," I say.

Sae looks at me in surprise. "She's not sick, is she?" Sae asks.

"No, no," I laugh. I quickly explain the rough time Katniss had been having the last week or so, and the dinner that we had last night. "She needs the sleep. I was just coming downstairs to fix her breakfast."

"Sounds like you two don't need me coming around any more," Sae says with a smile.

"Sae, you know you mean the world to both of us," I say, "But I enjoy taking care of Katniss. No one can cook like you, though! I do know of someone that can use you, however."

"Haymitch?" Sae asks with a grin.

"Haymitch," I say. "Hazelle Hawthorne was keeping house for him last year, before - well, before the Quell. He really does need the help."

"I'll talk to him this morning," she says, "In the meantime, let me make you one last breakfast."

"Be my guest," I say with a smile. Soon Sae is bustling around the kitchen, putting breakfast together for us. As usual, she has enough food to feed ten people. That gives me an idea. I excuse myself and head over to Haymitch's house.

Haymitch, as usual, is passed out on his kitchen table. After carefully waking him up, and earning a few curses as well, I invite him to breakfast.

"Haymitch, I think I have a solution to your - housekeeping - problem," I say. I explain that Katniss no longer needs Sae to cook for her, and that he may be able to use her help around his place. To my amazement, I see Haymitch nodding thoughtfully.

"Okay, I'll go have some breakfast with you," he says. "By the way, have you talked to Katniss yet?"

"Not yet," I admit, to Haymitch's knowing smirk. "She was still asleep when I came over to get you."

"So, kill two birds with one stone, huh?" he says. "I get a housekeeper and you get moral support from me when you talk to Miss Sunshine."

"Well, it would help, you being there," I say.

Haymitch stands up with a grunt. "Okay, let's get this over with," he sighs. I try not to let him see my relief as we walk back to Katniss's house. When we get there, I see that Katniss is up, sitting in the kitchen, chatting with Sae over a cup of tea. She smiles warmly when I enter the room, then stands up to give me a quick hug and kiss before giving Haymitch a hug of his own, much to his - and my - surprise.

"Sae was just telling me about this new arrangement," Katniss says. "I think I can trust you enough to keep me fed now."

"As long as Haymitch agrees to it," Sae says with a smile.

"We'll talk business after breakfast," Haymitch says.

Breakfast, as usual, was delicious. We all ate with good appetite and soon we're all leaning back in our chairs, sipping tea contentedly.

"Sweetheart, could I borrow your study while Sae and I talk business?" Haymitch asks.

"Of course," Katniss says. "Sae, make sure you get a good deal from him!"

"Oh, I will, dear," she says as she and Haymitch disappear into the study. I stand up and begin to clear dishes away, and soon Katniss joins me. Together we quickly clean up the breakfast dishes and I pour us both another cup of tea. I take a deep breath. It's now or never.

I sit down at the kitchen table with Katniss. Handing her the cup of tea, I say, "I need to talk to you about something."

She looks at me over the rim of her cup and arches her eyebrows inquisitively. Taking another deep breath, I quickly launch into the conversation that Haymitch had with Plutarch a few days before about the one year commemoration of the ending of the Games, including when they wanted the ceremonies to take place. I assured her that I've made no commitment without her and mentioned the deal I had made regarding the rebuilding of the district being the Capitols top priority. When I finish, I sit back in my chair and wait for her reaction.

"So, they want to have some sort of 'closure' ceremony and parade us out in front of everyone again," Katniss says in a remarkably even tone.

"Yes," I say.

"And, you managed to get them to promise to rebuild the district quickly if we both agree to participate," she adds.

"Yes," I say again.

Katniss ponders all this for a few seconds, then says, "Okay. But I have conditions also. They'll have to agree to mine also or no deal."

I find that I've literally been holding my breath. I slowly let it all out. "I'll talk to Haymitch as soon as he's done with Sae."

"I'm done," I hear Haymitch say from behind me. "Sae starts tomorrow. Well?"

I glance at Katniss. "Would you like to give him the news?" I ask.

She nods and looks at Haymitch. "I'm in. I agree. With conditions."

Haymitch, at first looking relieved, suddenly looks wary. "What conditions?" he asks.

Katniss stands up. "You'll find out when we talk to President Paylor," she says as she walks towards her study.

"What? Paylor? Listen, Sweetheart, I don't exactly have her number, you know!" Haymitch says sharply as we follow her into the study. I notice Sae coming along with us. I share a look with Haymitch and he just shrugs. I smile. If Sae wants to be a witness, then she can for all I care.

Katniss sits behind her desk. "Then call Plutarch and get it from him," Katniss says sweetly. It's all I can do to not laugh. Katniss has Haymitch in an awkward position and she's enjoying it.

Haymitch grumbles and picks up the phone. He dials a number from memory. In a few seconds, he's talking.

"Fulvia? No? Oh. hello, Effie," he says as he pushes the speaker button. Effie's voice is soon heard by everyone in the room.

"- to hear from you, Haymitch!" Effie trills.

"You too, Effie," he says. "Listen, I need to speak to Plutarch. It's urgent, so we'll have to talk later."

"Oh, I understand completely...and I will be seeing you soon! I'll connect you now," she says. We hear a brief burst of music, then the sound of a phone being picked up.

"Did she agree?" we hear Plutarch ask.

"Not entirely," Katniss says. "But I'm not negotiating with anyone other than Paylor."

"Katniss!" Plutarch says with false enthusiasm. "I can speak on the Presidents behalf."

"Plutarch, all I need you to do is connect me with President Paylor," she says.

"Katniss, you know I speak for her. My word carries -"

"No weight with me, Plutarch. I deal with the President or with no one."

There's a brief pause then Plutarch comes back on the line. "Fine," he snaps. "I don't have her number, so I'll have her call you."

"Fair enough," Katniss says. "Goodbye, Plutarch." She stabs the "End Call" button with her finger and sits back.

In less than five minutes the phone is ringing. Katniss answers it and presses the speaker phone button again.

"Miss Everdeen, please stand by for President Paylor." A voice says over the speaker, then -

"How may I help you, Katniss?" President Paylor's voice says.

"Hello, President Paylor," Katniss says. "I've been told about the one year commemoration of the Games and the deal that was struck with Peeta, about rebuilding the district."

"I will dispatch work crews and building supplies just as soon as you give me your commitment to participate," Paylor says.

"I have two conditions of my own," Katniss says with a grin.

Paylor pauses for a moment, then says, "Go on."

"I would like Cressida and Pollux to do the filming and the live feed from District Twelve. I know and trust them." Katniss says. I smile when she says that. Cressida and Pollux are part of our team.

"Done. Anything else?" Paylor asks.

"Just one more thing," Katniss says, and proceeds to outline her other condition. When she's done, she asks, "Did you get that, ma'am?"

Paylor hesistates for a moment, then says, "Yes. Yes I did. Agreed."

Katniss smiles. "Thank you, President Paylor."

"I've already given the order for a special cargo train to head to Twelve, loaded with building supplies. It will be there tomorrow morning, along with construction crews," Paylor says evenly.

"Thank you, again, ma'am. I promise that Peeta and I will give our full cooperation to the ceremonies," Katniss says.

"Goodbye, Katniss...and thank you," President Paylor says as the line goes dead.

We're all looking at Katniss in amazement at her revelation on what her other condition was. Haymitch is shaking his head in admiration.

"Sweetheart, that has to be the best thing I've seen you do since you shot that apple out of the pigs mouth," Haymitch says.

"Well, spending years at the Hob taught me how to negotiate," Katniss says with a smile.

I can't wait to see Katniss's other "condition" come to life - all I know is, I am so very proud of her!

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing, everyone! I hope that you are all enjoying the story so far! Next up is the Reaping Day commemoration!**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 - THE SQUARE**

**PART I**

The change in Katniss is subtle. So subtle that someone not living with her, or seeing her every day, would probably not even notice. But it's there. Ever since she agreed to participate in the Reaping Day ceremonies, commemorating the one year anniversary of the last Hunger Games ever to be held, she has been...different.

Katniss is doing probably the worst thing that she could do - hold everything in. She's been keeping to herself more than usual. Every day she goes into the forest - to hunt, to fish, to check her trap lines - but mostly just to be alone. Galen tells me that the best thing I can do for her at this time is to do absolutely nothing...but at the same time to be available for her if she ever wants to talk or open up.

Easier said than done. The upcoming ceremony has taken its toll on me as well. After making steady progress with my hijacking rehabilitation, I suffered the worst attack that I've ever had outside District Thirteen. It struck suddenly and it's just a matter of chance that Haymitch, Galen, and Thom were all there to restrain me. Once I was "me" again Thom explained that he saw my eyes change - that awful hyper dilation of my pupils that seems to turn my eyes into what Thom called "Black pools."

I remember nothing about the attack. When I finally started to become aware of where I was, Galen informed me of the attack and was quick to mention that Katniss was perfectly fine. As usual following a seizure I was confused, and my shoulders were sore. Galen tells me that I probably pulled muscles struggling to free myself to get at Katniss.

"She's fine, Peeta. Scared, yes - well, we all were. But you didn't hurt her," Galen had said. I know better, though - Katniss is far from "fine."

Galen suggested that I spend the night in my house, just to make sure everything was okay. It was less a suggestion and more an order. All I wanted to do at that point was to see Katniss, see for my own eyes that she was unharmed. Galen was firm, though. Just one night, and in the morning we will see how things are then.

The worst was sitting in my old room that evening, staring out the window, and seeing Katniss come to her window. I had seen her many times from across the way, but it was usually incidental - I happened to be glancing out and I would catch a glimpse of her, or of her silhouette, in her room. Tonight, though - she came to her window and looked me right in the eye. We locked eyes for what seemed like forever, neither of us willing to turn away. I mouth the words "I am so sorry" to her, and see her smile for the first time and mouth back, "I am okay."

I'm the first to turn away, not wanting her to see my tears. I avert my face for a few seconds, but when I risk a glimpse she's gone. Her drapes are drawn and her light is out. I sigh heavily and get ready for bed myself. It's still fairly early but I can't see the point in staying up any longer. I slip under my covers, angry at myself, angry at Snow for doing this to me - and hoping that there's some way, any way, that I can make it up to her.

I sleep fitfully and at one point even consider asking Galen for something to help me sleep. My dreams, although not nightmares, are unsettling. All in all it was making for a very long night. My dreams seem to center around past Reapings here in Twelve. As far back as I can remember, watching girl and girl and boy after boy slowly shuffle up to the stage after Effie calls their name. Suddenly, I'm filled with fear when I hear my name. "Peeta." Oh no, not again - I can't be reaped again!

The voice calls my name again. "Peeta." That's funny, it's not Effie's voice and why is she whispering? "Peeta!" The voice, more insistent now - but I don't want to go up to the stage - not again. Not again!

"Peeta!" I jerk awake, my eyes snapping open. I feel the side of the bed shift as if someone else is on it. Still only half awake I recoil in fear as I can now make out a small figure sitting on the side of my bed.

"Hey, easy!" The figure on the bed hisses. "Peeta, it's me!"

"Katniss?" I say in confusion.

"Yes," she whispers. "Now keep it down!"

"What are you doing here?" I whisper urgently. I strain my ears for any sign of Galen awakening, and I'm rewarded by hearing his familiar, rhythmic snoring.

"I'm glad to see you, too," she says sarcastically, pulling away from me slightly.

"No, wait! I didn't - that came out wrong," I stammer. "I just thought you'd be afraid to see me, so soon after..."

"Oh, Peeta," Katniss says softly. "After seeing you in the window tonight, I knew that you'd come back from...whatever place you go when - that - happens to you. And I know that you'd never hurt me."

Just try to kill you, I say to myself bitterly. I reach my hand up to her shoulder and gently pull her down next to me. She slides into bed next to me with an easy familiarity.

"I'll be glad when all this is over and done with," I say softly.

"Me too," Katniss admits. I feel her arm tighten across my chest.

"Galen told me that I need to give you your space, and I've been trying my hardest to do just that," I tell her.

"I know, Peeta - and thank you," Katniss says, rising up to kiss the side of my mouth softly. I shiver a little at her touch - and not out of tracker jacker induced revulsion, either. I crave her touch now - more than ever.

I take a deep breath. "I'll only ask this one time - do you want to talk?"

"No," she says quietly. "Not yet, anyway. And before you say anything else - I know you're worried, and that you think it's bad to hold everything in. Trust me with this, Peeta...when the time is right, I'll let you know, okay?"

"Fair enough," I say sleepily, kissing the top of her head. "Just don't wait too long."

"I won't - promise," she says. "By the way, I got a letter today - from Annie Odair."

"Annie?" I say, now wide awake. "How is she? How's she doing? Did she have the baby?"

"Both she and Finnick, Jr. are fine," Katniss says quietly. "She sent a picture of the baby. It's like looking at Finnick."

"I can't wait to see it," I say. "We should work on the book tomorrow."

"I'd like that," Katniss says. "We need to get Haymitch to contribute also."

I nod. "Easier said than - hey! I just thought of something! My doors were locked...Galen saw to that. How did you get in?"

"Oh - that," Katniss murmurs. "Sorry - you'll need a new cellar window. I know I shouldn't have - but I just missed you too much!"

In response, I pull her closer and kiss her gently on the lips. She responds warmly. "Break all the windows you want," I say to her softly. She responds by cuddling closer to me. I don't know which of us fell asleep first.

**PART II**

The picture of Finnick Odair, Jr., was as beautiful as I imagined it would be. I had never been what you would call a "baby" person - being the youngest of three boys meant that I had never been around babies growing up, but I had to admit that Little Finnick was a good looking baby! The picture showed Annie holding the baby in her arms and smiling widely for the camera. Even though the baby was only a few days old at the time it was amazing at how much he already looked like Finnick.

We affixed the photo to a fresh parchment page, and Katniss carefully lettered her thoughts under the picture. I watch her as she intently writes her caption under the photo, her face a study in concentration.

Galen comes into the room as we work. When he awoke to find Katniss and I sleeping together he at first chastised us both for taking such a huge risk. All during his tirade at us Katniss simply stood there, regarding him with those gray eyes of hers, and her gaze never once wavered. When Galen finally finished Katniss spoke for both of us.

"I have nothing to fear. Peeta would NEVER hurt me," she said softly, but with a confidence that I only wish I felt.

"I should have known better than to tell either of you to stay away from the other - even for one day," is all Galen would say. Katniss and I simply looked at each other and shared a quick smile.

Now, though, Galen wordlessly examines our memory book. Some pages are of those people that have been incredibly important to us - people like Prim, and Rue, and Finnick - while others were people that touched us, but that we never had the chance to know well - people like the Leeg sisters, and Castor, and Thresh. Galen carefully sets the pages down and stands up.

"Be right back," he says and abruptly leaves the house. Katniss and I look at each other, shrug, and continue to work. We talk very little as we work on the book. Occasionally Katniss will ask me to read something that she wrote, or I may ask Katniss to examine a drawing, but mostly we work in a comfortable silence. I straighten my Robo-leg and wince a little - Galen had told me that the pain was caused by late growth in my bones and that an adjustment to the prosthetic would most likely be necessary. He assured me that the procedure was simple and could be done without me leaving the district, as long as we can get a specialist to come out from the Capitol. But for now, I have to live with discomfort.

I stand up. "I'm going to make some tea. Would you like a cup?" I ask Katniss.

"Yes, thank you," she says with a smile. I return her smile and walk painfully into the kitchen and put water on to boil. While waiting for the water I stare idly out the window. It's a beautiful late spring day in the district. Through the open window I can hear faint sounds coming from the direction of town - the whine of power tools, the low growl of construction equipment, and the rhythmic sounds of hammers driving nails. Trains arrive daily, loaded with construction supplies. The new government is living up to their end of the bargain that we made - they rebuild Twelve, and, in return, Katniss and I star in Plutarchs latest propo.

I sigh heavily as I finish brewing the tea. To say that I am not looking forward to this show is an understatement. All Katniss and I want now is to be left alone. Left to live our lives in peace. After all that we have been through, is that really too much to ask? I pour the tea into two cups and fervently wish that it was all over and done with. I sigh again and carry the cups into the living room. Time to put on a different face for Katniss - the last thing she needs right now is to see how this upcoming ceremony is affecting me.

Katniss smiles and gratefully accepts the cup from me, but before either of us can take a first, cautious sip, we're interrupted by a commotion at the front door. The door opens with a bang and we both watch with amusement as Galen and Haymitch come in, struggling with a large chest.

"Where do you want this?" Haymitch huffs impatiently.

"That depends...what is it?" I ask.

"My little - contribution - to your project there," Haymitch says, nodding at the memory book on the table.

"Next to the table, please," Katniss says. The two older men clumsily carry the chest into the room and set it down next to the table with a bang. Galen looks pleased with himself, while Haymitch just looks irritated.

"Enjoy," Haymitch says grumpily. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a bottle." He lurches out of the room and out of the house without another word.

Katniss and I look at the chest warily. "What is it?" I finally ask.

"What you two have been haranguing Haymitch about for weeks," Galen replies. "His personal reminisces on all the Tributes that he's Mentored from District Twelve."

Katniss and I exchange looks. We had asked Haymitch several times for his contribution to the memory book, and each time he had rebuffed us.

"So what made him change his mind?" I ask.

"Let's just say that I can be persuasive when I have to be," Galen says with a smile. "I'll leave you two to your work." With that, Galen leaves as well.

I warily approach the chest. Yes, we had asked for this very thing - but now that it's here, we are almost afraid to even look. Twenty three years of dead Tributes is in here. Not just facts and figures, but Haymitch's personal notes. Finally, taking a deep breath, I pop the latches and open the lid.

Stacked neatly inside the chest were twenty-five leather volumes. I realize with a shock that the last two were the Seventy-Fourth and Seventy-Fifth Hunger Games - the Games that Katniss and I were Reaped for. As I stare at the volumes Katniss comes up beside me. I hear her sharp intake of breath when she sees the covers of the last two volumes, with the numbers "74" and "75" embossed in gold.

"Do you want to look?" I ask. Katniss shakes her head emphatically.

"No. I don't want to start with ours," she replies as she reaches for the volume marked "51."

She pulls it out and together we sit next to each other on the couch. We knew the names already. The old District Twelve Schools Hall of Tributes had photos of every Tribute ever Reaped for the Games, along with their names and what Games they died in. There had been 148 pictures on the wall. All now lost to the firebombing. A smaller display, labeled the "Hall of Victors," had just four photos on the wall - Kathleen O'Sullivan, Haymitch Abernathy, myself, and Katniss Everdeen.

Katniss opens the volume. The first two pages were pictures of the two Tributes for District Twelve from that year - Josiah Pride and Antonia Morrow. We both knew a little about them - both had been Seam kids. It was Josiah's last Reaping - he was eighteen at the time, and had been a friend of Haymitch's before Haymitch had been Reaped for the Second Quarter Quell. Antonia had been sixteen. They had both come from large families and I'm sure the tessarae that they had both taken out didn't exactly put the odds in their favor.

Katniss turns the page. Haymitch's notes start after the pictures and official bios of the two Tributes. She reads a few lines then hands the volume to me.

"I - can't. You read it, Peeta. Read it to me," Katniss says plaintively.

I start reading. "Josiah almost begging me to save him...Pretty obvious Antonia hates me...Asking about skills - Josiah has none. Antonia ditto. Sponsors? I don't see how."

I pause in my reading. Katniss is sitting on the edge of the couch, hands pressed together with her fingertips touching her lips. "Go on," she says gently.

I clear my throat. "Our Escort is of no help...stylists as usual are idiots. Coal Miners AGAIN? Talked to both before parade, reminded them to SMILE, but Josiah is too scared and Antonia is too full of hate. Not looking good." I stop again and glance at Katniss.

"Seems like Haymitch had a problem with always getting angry female Tributes," I say lightly. Katniss just stares at balefully and makes a "keep going" gesture with her hands.

"Told them to try to find allies...both are close mouthed about training. Corner Plutarch outside Mentors lounge, of course he can't say anything but his face told me everything I need to know...Chaff and Seeder very helpful with learning the ropes about sponsors. Met more Mentors today. Brutus - total asshole. Beetee - very nice, helpful, but in his own world half the time. Mags - half the Mentors call her 'Mom' and soon I was too, even though I miss my real Mom something awful. Blight is a nice guy too, but quiet."

I pause again. Seeing Haymitch's first impressions of people that Katniss and I had first met last year at the Quarter Quell - people that, with the exception of Beetee, are all now dead - was sobering.

"Launch day. Josiah killed," I pause for a moment, "Killed during bloodbath. Didn't even try to save himself. Thought Brutus and I were gonna have our own bloodbath in the Mentors lounge - him crowing about his Tributes first kill - Josiah - and me telling him how honorable it was for his guy to cut down a kid too scared to move. Think I really made him mad when I told him to shove his honor up his ass."

At this I hear a giggle bust from Katniss. I glance over at her and she is giggling. "I can almost hear Haymitch saying that to Brutus," she says between giggles. I smile wanly. I just can't bring myself to laugh about anything that has to do with Brutus - my only direct kill in two Hunger Games.

I continue reading. "Called Josiah's family. Blight helped with the call - coached me in what to say. Spent ten minutes getting yelled at by Josiah's dad. Got off the phone just in time to see Antonia die. Another call. Antonia's mother blaming me for her death. Afterwards Chaff took me out to get drunk. His Tribute is dead too."

I put the volume down. "I can't read any more," I say. Katniss stands up, walks over to me, and hugs me.

"That would have been us," she says quietly. "Mentoring Tributes, making those calls." I feel her shudder in my arms.

"But it wasn't," I say quietly. "And it never will be."

**PART III**

Reaping Day.

This day used to grip every twelve to eighteen year olds heart with fear. But today is special. Today, for the first time in seventy-six years, no child will be torn from their family by the Capitol to die for supposed crimes committed by their ancestors. There will be no reading of the Treaty of Treason, no glass balls filled with slips of paper.

There is literally no one living that can remember a time without a Hunger Games. And now, we are participants in an event to remind everyone that those obscene Games will never occur again.

Katniss and I have been busy since yesterday. The District Twelve Tribute Train arrived yesterday afternoon, bearing Effie Trinket, Katniss's Prep Team of Octavia, Flavius and Venia, and our personal camera crew - Cressida and Pollux. There were also two additional passengers on the train - Delly Cartwright and Rory Hawthorne, both coming home to live in Twelve. Everything was so confusing at the train station that it was impossible to catch up with either Delly or Rory. All we managed to understand was that Delly's younger brother and grandparents were still District Thirteen, and that Delly would send for them once she got her feet on the ground, and that the rest of Rory's family was still in District Two, and would most likely stay there. Rory was very closed mouthed about why he decided to come back to Twelve, but I have a feeling that Gale had a lot to do with it.

I was confused at first by Delly and Rory being on this train, as it had come from the Capitol, until Haymitch explained that Plutarch had flown Delly out from Thirteen and Rory out from Two to put them both on the train - additional footage of old friends meeting up in the train station.

Plutarch never ceases to amaze me. Here he went to incredible expense to fly two people to the Capitol, put them on a luxurious train, and all for the sake of a minute of reunion footage.

Katniss and I had vehemently disagreed when it came to housing arrangements. The most logical arrangement would be to house Effie, Octavia, Venia , Cressida and Delly at Katniss's house, with me taking on Flavius, Pollux and Rory. But Katniss absolutely refused to allow Prims old room to be used as a guest room - plus, this arrangement would mean that I would have to stay in my own house for a few days. I admit that the prospect of being away from Katniss at night was not pleasant, but I was surprised at how much Katniss objected to the whole plan.

"No! Absolutely not!" Katniss said firmly. "I'll not spend a single night away from you!"

The Katniss plan was put into place instead. Effie would go to Haymitch's - a move that I could tell made him distinctly uncomfortable - with Rory going to Haymitch also. The Prep Team would stay at Katniss's, the Camera Crew and Delly at my place.

Dinner that night was chaotic. Katniss and I conferred with Effie on the schedule for the next day. Effie was thriving as Plutarchs personal assistant and she seemed to be recovering nicely from her own ordeal of imprisonment during the Rebellion. Now it was as if she was coordinating the Victory Tour all over again, talking about schedules, viewing, and speeches. She had an idea that was sheer brilliance...dress Katniss and I in the exact same clothes we wore when we were Reaped for the very first time.

To my surprise, not only did Katniss agree, she still had that same blue dress that she wore that horrible, wonderful day two years ago. I was a different story, however - but, as I wore a simple white shirt and dark pants it would be easy enough to recreate.

"Here's the image - you two looking the same as you did two years ago! People remember that Reaping all over Panem! I can't think of a better way to send our message of closure! And the speeches that I've prepared will be sure to -"

"No," Katniss says flatly.

"No? No what, Katniss?" Effie says in irritation.

"I know what I want to say. No prepared speeches," Katniss says firmly. "And is my - other condition - ready?"

Effie sighs in frustration. "Yes, Katniss, Everything is as you wanted. But won't you at least take a look at what's on the card?"

Katniss reluctantly takes the card from Effie, but barely glances at it before setting it down. Effie sniffs and turns to me, handing me an identical card.

"Effie, I have to side with Katniss. I know what I'm going to say also. But thank you for the time and effort that you put into this," I say, smiling, trying to mollify her as I hold up the card.

Effie, clearly distressed at our refusal to read her speeches, stands up abruptly and hurries off, muttering something about having to coordinate with the Mayor - Thom - and with Haymitch as well. No sooner does she leave than Octavia, Flavius, and Venia swoop in, chattering about what they plan on doing with both Katniss and I to prepare us for the cameras the next day. Although none of them like the idea of the clothing that we will be wearing the next day, they console themselves with the different ideas that they throw out about how they want us to look, and again, Katniss has to put her foot down.

"Although both Peeta and I appreciate what you are trying to do, we really just want to look like...ourselves. No waxing, minimal plucking, and we don't want a single one of our scars covered up. We aren't trying to win sponsors - we want Panem to see us as we really are," Katniss says to them in a gentle, but firm, tone.

We are saved from further attempts at manipulating our appearance by Effie's calling our shared Prep Team away to discuss preparing Thom and Haymitch for the next day. When they leave both Katniss and I sigh heavily. I turn to her, take her hand, and give her what I hope is a reassuring smile.

"It'll all be over and done with this time tomorrow," I say.

"I'm really nervous," Katniss admits to me, "About - my other condition. I just hope I can make it through the ceremony without breaking down."

"If you do, I'll be there for you to lean on," I say, kissing the top of her head. Katniss responds by snuggling in close to me.

"I don't know what I would do without you," she says quietly.

"My thoughts exactly," I say to Katniss.

**PART IV**

Hand in hand, Katniss and I stroll slowly from the Village to the town square. We both marvel at how much rebuilding has been done in such a short time. Not only public buildings such as the Justice Building, train station, Peacekeepers headquarters, and school - but hotel like structures that Haymitch and Effie identified as "apartment" buildings, and buildings set aside for commerce. One of those will be mine. I plan on reopening the bakery as soon as possible.

We walk by what used to be the Seam, now completely devoid of buildings. Instead, we see neat plots laid out and all manner of vegetable gardens are in various stages of growth. This was Thom's brainchild - putting his cleanup crews to work growing our own food for the coming winter. Although we knew that the new government would continue to take care of us until District Twelve's new industry - manufacturing medicine for the rest of Panem - is up and running.

Katniss and I arrive in the square, and, even though we're early, people are already starting to gather. The temporary stage used for so many Reapings in the past has been erected once again. Effie, Thom, and Haymitch are conferring on the stage, along with a young man in a Peacekeepers uniform. Although I don't know his name, I recognize him as the new Head Peacekeeper. Unlike pre-Rebellion Peacekeepers, these men and women are totally devoid of the calculated cruelty and frightfulness of men like Romulus Thread, or even of old Cray. Instead, they've been instilled with a new purpose - to help, to serve their community, and to protect their district.

We spot Cressida interviewing a small group of residents that I recognize as some of my neighbors from the Village, while Pollux dutifully captures the event for broadcast. As she wraps up her interview she spots us and hurries over to greet Katniss and I. We greet her and Pollux warmly. She asks us if we are up for a brief live interview before the ceremonies start. Both Katniss and I trust this woman implicitly so we readily agree.

Cressida quickly arranges us with Katniss and I standing together with the stage as a backdrop, then looks to Pollux for her cue. He counts down with his fingers - 4, 3, 2, 1 - and points sharply at Cressida.

"I'm live here in the town square of District Twelve with two of my favorite people, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, here to take part in the first anniversary of the end of the Hunger Games. Peeta, your feelings and thoughts."

"Cressida, both Katniss and I are honored to be taking part in this. For seventy five years, this day filled every district resident with dread. Now, everyone here is filled with hope," I say.

Cressida nods, then turns to Katniss. "How about you, Katniss? Anything to add?"

Katniss flashes a beautiful smile for the camera and says, "Oh, Cressida, you know that Peeta's the one that always manages to express himself so wonderfully, so I'll just say that I agree completely with what he said." She then turns, slides her arms around me, and plants a quick, firm kiss on my mouth.

Cressida laughs and says, "Well, I guess our favorite star crossed lovers aren't star crossed any longer! This is Cressida Pierce, reporting live from District Twelve." She watches Pollux intently, smile frozen on her face, until he makes a chopping motion with his hand. At that she relaxes instantly. She turns to us and smiles.

"Perfect, you two. Short and simple," she says as she quickly hugs us both. "I'll talk to you both after the ceremony. Gotta go get set up now." She walks away with Pollux, talking intently to him. Katniss and I see Effie hurrying toward us.

"Come, come, you two! We're ready to get started!" She beckons us onto the stage and directs us to sit. Thom and Haymitch are already seated, so Katniss sits next to Haymitch and I take the chair next to Katniss. Effie quickly sits next to me on the side opposite Katniss.

I scan the small crowd that's assembled. There's still only a couple hundred district residents that have returned, but I can also see that the entire construction crew that's been busy with the rebuilding is here as well. Compared to past Reaping Days, the square looks almost empty - but every face out there is there because they wanted to be here today - and that makes a huge difference.

Cressida flashes a signal towards the stage and Thom stands up and walks nervously to the microphone. He grips the microphone stand and is rewarded by a brief feedback squeal. He jumps a little at the noise, drawing laughter from the crowd. I can see the back of his neck redden in embarrassment. He glances down at the card in his hand.

"Uh...sorry," he stammers. "Umm...well, I think everyone knows why we're here - no more Hunger Games!" At this the crowd erupts in cheers. Next to me I hear Effie mutter, "Introduce yourself and read the damn card!" Thom continues with his remarks and it's obvious that nothing of what he's saying was written by Effie. I hear an exchange next to me between Katniss and Haymitch that draws my attention.

"- much did you drink today?" Katniss snaps to Haymitch.

"Not enough," Haymitch drawls softly. Katniss shakes her head in disgust, but then turns to me and gives me a quick grin and a wink. It's all I can do to not start laughing. Katniss turns back to Haymitch.

"At least you could have shaved, Haymitch!"

"Not a chance, Sweetheart. I have an image to uphold, after all," he says with a smirk.

Katniss shakes her head. "You are impossible!" she hisses under her breath.

"Always have been," Haymitch says. My attention goes back to Thom, now introducing Effie. Effie stands and walks to the microphone, and as she gives Thom a quick hug I can barely hear her say, "We're working on your public speaking, young man!"

Thom, embarrassed but grinning, slinks back to Effie's chair. Effie clears her throat and begins to speak.

"For over fifteen years, every year on this day I would stand here and open the Reaping the same way by saying, 'Happy Hunger Games - and may the odds be ever in your favor.' For years I truly thought that it was an honor to be Reaped. Not until I met and got to know these two -" she indicates Katniss and I seated behind her "- that I realized just how very wrong I had been." Effie pauses here and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"And so, I stand before you, asking for you to forgive the unforgivable. I, in no way, deserve your forgiveness - but I had to apologize to you all for the unimaginable grief that I had caused you for all those years, every time I read a name on a slip of paper. I am so very, very, sorry." Effie's voice cracks a bit on the word "sorry" and she pauses once again, dabbing at her eyes.

The crowd is dead silent. There's a stirring next to me and I look over to see Katniss stand up, walk to Effie, and embrace her warmly - then stand off to one side and slowly start to applaud - clapping her hands slowly, rhythmically, together. As I stand to offer Effie my own hug I can hear the applause rippling through the crowd and I add my own hands to the din.

As we stand there clapping for a weeping Effie, Katniss and I both watch in amazement as Haymitch steps forward slowly and gently pulls Effie into an tender embrace. Effie clings to Haymitch and I can see him murmuring something into her as she cries into his shoulder. I glance at Katniss and see her own eyes tearing up and I feel mine doing the same thing. Haymitch gently leads Effie back to the chairs and Katniss and I look at each other, unsure of what to do now.

Finally shrugging, I step to the microphone. Katniss smiles gratefully and quickly sits back down. The applause dies down slowly.

"I think everyone here knows me already," I begin, as the crowd erupts in cheers and applause again that dies down quickly, "So I'll keep it brief. Katniss and I are both deeply honored to be a part of this today. We've stood here on many beautiful late spring days like this and listened as two names were read - read to go die for the amusement of a few, under the guise of 'atoning for treason.' Those days are gone!" More applause and I wait until the crowd is quiet again.

"We now live as free men and women. Each and every person here had a part in making that happen. And I would like to turn the microphone over to one of these people that helped bring about the change that all of us so desperately wanted for years - Katniss Everdeen!"

No sooner did her name leave my lips then the crowd erupts with absolutely thunderous applause and cheers. Katniss, looking a little dazed, slowly walks to the podium and surveys the crowd. I give her a quick hug and kiss, drawing even more cheers, but when I turn to go back to my seat her arms tighten around me and she whispers, "Don't you DARE leave me up here alone!"

I smile and grasp her hand, feeling her fingers lace naturally with mine. Waiting for the applause to die down, she nudges me and inclines her head towards an object placed at the side of the stage, covered in a dark cloth. I shrug noncommittally, indicating that I have no idea what it is - but I do.

The applause and cheers die down, Katniss surveys the crowd one last time. For a moment it seems like she's too nervous to say anything - then finally she starts to speak in a low, clear voice.

"Many people have called me a hero for what I've done. I'm no hero. A hero is someone like my father, who illegally hunted in order to keep his family from starving, knowing that he would have been executed if he had ever been caught with his bow. A hero is someone like Peeta Mellark -" at this she turns and smiles at me as the crowd again erupts in applause "- who selflessly placed his own life in danger time and time again to save the life of someone that he loves." More cheers and applause.

"A hero is someone that does what's right, no matter what the cost is. Today, we celebrate the first anniversary of the ending of the Hunger Games. Many people died so that we could be here to celebrate this day - people both from the districts and from the Capitol. People like my stylist, Cinna, who created rebellion not with guns and bombs, but with needle and thread. And people like Finnick Odair, who endured years of humiliation just so he could have a chance at making his district, and Panem, a better place to live. And people like my -" I can feel her fingers tighten around mine and I cold hear the hitch in her voice "- sister, Prim. Prim always wanted to help people. Everyone that ever met her fell in love with her. I literally would have died to keep her safe."

Katniss pauses for a moment and I see that every face in the crowd looking at us shows some sign of grief. Prim was indeed loved by everyone in the district and had become a celebrity herself after our Games. Even the people here today not from our district felt a sense of loss.

"Prim was only thirteen when she died. She died doing what she loved doing the most - helping people that were sick or injured. I will love her forever and I hope that her name lives forever." Katniss suddenly turns to me and buries her face in my chest, unable to continue. Out of the corner of my eye I see Thom step forward.

"Katniss, your sister touched us all. So that her memory lives forever in District Twelve, from this day forward our town square that we are now standing in shall be known as Primrose Square." At this Thom nods to two men on the far side of the square. They hoist up a large sign and affix it to posts already set in the ground.

The sign reads "Primrose Square."

Another round of cheers and applause from the small but noisy crowd. Effie and Haymitch step forward and Effie embraces us both. I can hear her murmuring to Katniss, "That was better than anything I could ever write!"

Haymitch puts his hands on Katniss's shoulders and looks into her face solemnly, then grins and says, "Nice job, Sweetheart!" Through her tears Katniss smiles at him and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly to her.

I step forward to the microphone. "We're not quite done here," I say. Katniss looks at me questioningly. The crowd quiets once more.

"This is very emotional for all of us," I say, wiping my own eyes to a ripple of laughter. "But when we learned that the new government agreed to allow the renaming of the square, I realized that future generations would have no idea who the 'Primrose' was of 'Primrose Square.' So I decided on my own contribution." I nod at Galen Wellgood, who was standing by the mysterious cloth covered object. He smiles and pulls the cloth away and I hear Katniss half gasp, half cry out.

Revealed to all was a life size bronze statue of Prim. Dressed similarly to the way she was on her Reaping Day, twin braids hanging down her back, with her cat Buttercup cradled in her arms, and her goat Lady tethered by her side. A plaque affixed to the base of the statue included her biography - who she was, what she did, the mark she left on the world, and how she died.

As if in a trance, Katniss steps off the stage and walks to the statue, still clinging to my hand. Her trembling fingers run over the cold bronze, feeling the outline of her face, running down her arms. Katniss steps all around the statue and I see her eyes widen when she gets around to the back.

"Peeta...her blouse is coming untucked in the back," Katniss whispers. "How did you do this?"

"I just embellished a painting I already had of her and added detail for the back, then contacted an artist in the Capitol that I had met briefly during our Victory Tour. He gave this top priority to make sure it made the train in time for the ceremony," I say.

"Little duck," I hear Katniss whisper once, then she turns back to me and throws herself into my arms. Holding me tightly, she whispers into my ear. "You're wonderful."

**PART V**

Later that night, Katniss and I are back home in the Village. The ceremonies were concluded shortly after the unveiling of Prims statue in the square that now bears her name. There was a Capitol supplied feast for everyone, and while Katniss and I managed to get a few moments to finally get something to eat, Cressida approached us and told us that her live video feed of the naming of the square and unveiling of the statue were the talk of Panem right now, and both she and Effie told us that both Plutarch and President Paylor were immensely pleased at how everything went.

Earlier in the evening, Katniss's Prep Team, along with Effie, Cressida, and Pollux, left the district by train, headed back to the Capitol. Tomorrow, work would resume on rebuilding the district, but for now, the tools and construction machinery were quiet.

Following the emotional toll of the ceremony and unveiling, Katniss had recovered quite nicely and I have to say she was the happiest I had seen her since my return to the district. She even got me to take a turn or two dancing, once some of our local musicians brought out their instruments and started playing. All that dancing took a toll on my leg. Galen promised to look at it first thing in the morning. We are still awaiting the arrival of the specialist but some medications had been sent out to help ease the discomfort until adjustments could be made.

Now, I'm laying in bed, fingers laced behind my head, waiting for Katniss to join me. Both of us are pleasantly exhausted from the days activities. I'm hoping that both of us have sleep free from nightmares. I glance over at the bedroom window. Even though the window itself was open, Katniss had closed the drapes before disappearing into the bathroom.

Katniss finally comes out of the bathroom, wearing an extra long t shirt that she favors when sleeping in warmer weather. She closes the bathroom door and gives me a smile as she walks to her side of the bed. I return her smile as she sits on the side of the bed, hesitating for a moment, then reaching over and turning off the light.

Strange. Why didn't she turn out the light after she got under the covers with me? I hear rustling and feel the bed shift as she slides under the covers next to me. I turn and face her and give her a gentle kiss as my arm reaches for her, as I do every night since we began sleeping together again. But this night was different.

My hand encounters her side and I feel nothing but her warm skin. A little embarrassed, I slide my hand up looking for the hem of her t shirt to tug it down, but I feel nothing but more bare flesh. I can feel my heartbeat quicken slightly as Katniss moves a little closer to me and my hand slides down her side, over her hip, and down her bare leg. Trembling, my other hand reaches out and I feel her bare shoulder, and it's then that the realization hits me.

Katniss is in bed with me - naked.

**Thanks to all my followers and to everyone that's still sticking with me as I tell this story! Now you all know what Katniss's second condition was - and Peeta's surprise to her as well! And I think that everyone has a good idea of what's coming up in the next chapter - the often asked for, long awaited Everlark! **


	11. Chapter 11

**WARNING - Mature themes ahead! I will keep everything as nebulous and non-graphic as possible - but facts are facts - Katniss and Peeta do take their relationship beyond simple kissing and hugging - so if intimacy offends you then I suggest that you might want to skip this chapter. Thanks as always for the wonderful reviews and to everyone following the story!**

**CHAPTER 11 - REAL, OR ?**

**PART I**

Katniss is in bed with me - naked.

The reality hits me like a runaway train. This moment that I confess I had been dreaming of for at least five years is finally here. So I have the only natural reaction that I could possibly have.

I panic.

A dozen thoughts ripped through my head in the space of a second or two. Uppermost is _**Oh, no...what do I do first? What do I do next? What do I do?**_ When it comes to anything past kissing I have exactly zero experience. Even the few touches of places more - intimate - than Katniss's shoulders, arms or back were purely by accident. But now...now I'm expected to touch...places...on purpose.

_**What if I hurt her? What if it's painful? What if she **_**doesn't **_**like it? What if **_**I**_** don't like it? **_Like most boys, I had heard stories from my peers, bragging about their conquests. A popular spot to take a willing girl was near one of the two slag heaps near the mine entrances. I'm sure that almost all the bragging I had ever heard was just that - bragging. _**What does she expect? How can I tell her that I don't really know what to do?**_

While all these thoughts race through my mind I become aware of something else. Katniss is trembling. I can feel the tremors wrack her entire body as she lays next to me, stiff and unmoving - except for the shivering. And it's warm in the room.

_**She's scared to death, **_I say to myself. _**As scared as I am. **_No sooner did those thoughts burst into my brain then another quickly followed. _**If she's scared, then why? Why is she doing this? Why here and now?**_

Katniss and I had grown immeasurably closer in the last few weeks - and I could feel the changes in her - the way she spoke to me, the way she smiled at me, her laughter coming more and more frequently. But this - this was a huge step. For both of us.

"Peeta?" Katniss's tremulous voice cuts through my frantic thoughts. And there's something else. The trembling that I feel is not all fear - she's crying softy as well.

"I'm right here," I say softly, trying to still my own trembling hands. I pull her closer and gently kiss the side of her neck.

"I'm sorry," she says suddenly, as a sob escapes her throat.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," I say as reassuringly as I can.

In response she pulls herself into a tight ball. Gently I hold her, murmuring to her, reassuring her. Gradually her sobs grow quieter, but her trembling never quite stops.

"I love you, Katniss," I say softly.

In the darkness I feel her turn her head to face me. "All I've done is hurt and confuse you. Like now."

"I'm not hurt," I say.

"Confused?" she asks in a timid voice.

"A little," I admit.

"Are you scared?" she asks.

"Yes," I whisper.

I feel her relax a tiny bit. "Really?" she asks in that same timid voice.

"Really," I say, gently kissing her.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because," I say, my own voice quivering a bit, "You mean everything to me. Because I've never...you know. Because I love you and I want everything to be perfect."

I feel her shift as she turns towards me fully. Her fingers gently touch my face. I smile as they brush my lips.

"You're smiling," she says.

In response I touch her face with my fingers. I feel her mouth twitch but not in a real smile. I brush her cheek with the back of my hand.

"Can I ask you something?" I say.

"You want to know...why," Katniss replies.

"I - yes," I say.

I hear her take a deep, deliberate breath. "Ever since I came back, I've thought about you. Even in the darkest of my days. And when you came back too - it was like seeing the sun after a storm. Even though both of us were so broken. And you've been so patient, and understanding, and caring, and considerate, and selfless. And then one day I saw a dandelion - and I knew that it was you."

"I'm a dandelion?" I ask.

"Yes - like that dandelion I found the day after you gave me - the bread. I thought then that it meant that my family and I would be okay. I was half right - but it took me six more years to see the other half. And that's you." Katniss pauses and I'm overwhelmed with emotion and love for this wonderful girl.

"Peeta - this has been building inside me for - a while. And it wasn't until today that I was sure. When I saw what you did for Prim and her memory, I knew I was sure. But I didn't know how to tell you with words what I wanted."

In response I draw her closer to me. "Tell me what you want, Katniss," I say quietly.

"Peeta - just you. I want - you. Please - love me." Her voice is shaking.

"I do love you, Katniss," I say. "Do you really - want this?"

"Yes," she whispers. "Do you - want this, Peeta?"

"Oh yes," I say, kissing her gently. "Very much, Katniss."

"I know you'll be gentle," she sighs, trembling again.

In response, I gently press my lips to hers in a deep, searching kiss. I feel her gasp a little in surprise but her arms immediately tighten around me as her lips flower open under mine and her tongue tip shyly traces my upper lip.

I groan a little as I return each caress with my own. My hands freely roam up and down her bare back, reveling in the smoothness of her skin. Occasionally my fingers encounter small dips and dents in their travels - the scars that Katniss carries from two Hunger Games and a war. But rather than cool my ardor they fuel my determination to make this as perfect for her as I can.

Katniss presses herself even closer to me and I feel my body warming from her nearness. Gasping, we mutually break off our kiss - the most passionate that we have ever shared - and cling tightly to each other for a moment.

I feel Katniss's hands slide further down my back as her lips nibble at my neck. I shiver and feel goosebumps rising at the unfamiliar - yet oh so pleasant - sensation. Shyly her fingers caress my back and shoulders. My own fingers tentatively explore her body, feeling her trembling, hearing little gasps from her as I brush against sensitive areas.

"Oh, Peeta," I hear her gasp out against my neck. Her breath is warm against my skin. I rest my hand lightly against her chest and I can feel her heart pounding. One of Katniss's hands slides down my back and over the waist of my shorts.

"Should I -" I begin to ask but she cuts me off with an urgent, "Yes!" Turning away, I quickly slide my only item of clothing down my legs and off.

I realize with embarassment that now there's absolutely no way for me to hide my excitement from her. I turn back towards her, kissing her lovingly as I can feel new trembling. Katniss pulls her mouth away from mine, takes a deep breath, then presses up against me.

Tentatively, clumsily, we touch and caress each other. I revel in the taste of her lips, the smell of her hair. I murmur "I love you" to her over and over again, hearing her sigh in response. Our desire now is mutual and growing with each passing second.

Abruptly she breaks off our kiss. "Stay with me - forever," she says in a trembling voice.

"Always," I say to her, my voice thick with the absolute love that I feel for this incredibly strong, yet incredibly vulnerable girl.

Katniss settles against me and I feel her lips nibbling at the side of my mouth again. I turn my head so we can kiss fully, and I feel her hands sliding down my side, touching, exploring, and caressing. I return each of her caresses with my own fumbling fingers.

Sensation overwhelms me and I hear myself moan in pleasure. Slowly Katniss and I lose our shyness and, with moans, sighs, and kisses, guide each others caresses.

Suddenly Katniss lets out a half gasp, half moan as her caresses become more urgent, causing me to echo her moan with one of my own. Her head is arched back, exposing her neck to my searching lips.

"Peeta," she moans breathily, "It's okay. I'm not fragile. I won't break. Please - love me!"

Emboldened by her words, my hands slide down her back. She flinches ever so slightly at my touch as her head tilts down and she presses her warm lips to mine once again.

Katniss arches against me, gasping into my mouth as I feel the golden swirl of her tongue around my own. With trembling fingers, I continue to touch and caress gently, her moans and sighs acting as my guide.

Neither of us speak as we edge closer and closer to each other, our legs now intertwining. I kiss her lips, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks, her ears - burying my face in her hair, inhaling her clean, fresh fragrance.

Our movements are more urgent now, more demanding. Katniss's body continues to tremble, as does mine - but now her fear and my nervousness are being quickly replaced by an overwhelming desire to do nothing more than make the other feel - wonderful.

I'm dimly aware of us moving against each other, her legs clutching me, her arms around my neck, our lips glued together, joined together in a way that neither of us has ever felt before this magical, wonderful night. The warmth of the room is tempered by the cool breeze coming through the open window, gently rustling the curtains.

The movement of the curtains allow brief fingers of moonlight to stab into our darkened room, casting a fleeting illumination over Katniss and I. I catch tantalizing glimpses of her face, her silvery eyes closed one time, open the next.

Suddenly the moonlight catches us both staring into each others eyes. Katniss captures my face in her hands. Again and again we kiss each other, our ardor increasing.

"Katniss...I...love you...so much!" I manage to gasp out. She peppers my face with kisses and I feel her hands slide down my back.

"Peeta, oh Peeta, I...need you...so badly! I...want you...so much!" she moans out. And even in the total grip of my passion and desire, I feel a stab of...what? Disappointment? Sadness?

Need. Want. Words that I love hearing from her. But there's one word...one word that I have to hear her say to me. A word that I need from her as badly as a drowning man needs air.

Love. Even as her initial fear and nervousness leaves her...even as we are closer at this moment in time than we have ever been...even though I know that I am her first, and only, lover, that she's ever had in her eighteen years...I so need to hear her tell me that she loves me that for a split second my ardor almost deserts me.

Almost - but then her sweet lips fan the embers of my passion into full flame once again. Frantically we clutch at each other, neither of us leaving any part of the others face untouched by our lips.

Waves of pleasure wash over us both as we lovingly clutch and hold each other closely. The sensation of holding this beautiful girl in my arms is almost unbearable as I feel the absolute, unconditional love I feel for Katniss well up inside me.

I squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to dam the flow of tears - tears of joy, tears of love for this absolutely amazing girl - this girl that was so aptly christened "The Girl On Fire."

I'm only partially successful and I know that my tears are falling on her face.

Gradually, my breathing slows and I finally gain control over my tears. I tenderly gather Katniss in my arms. In spite of the warmth of the room she nestles into my arms willingly.

I lay my head on the pillow next to Katniss's head. We lay snuggled together for several minutes, not moving, not talking, just incredibly content. Finally I can feel her cheek rise against my chest and I know she's smiling.

"Your heart is still pounding," she says quietly. I run my hand down her back, feeling her shiver and press closer. She raises up and presses and a gentle, loving kiss to my lips.

"You're so wonderful," she whispers, settling herself on my chest.

Wonderful. Before the Victory Tour I would have been ecstatic to hear her say that to me. I make a decision. I need to know one way or another. She's been avoiding it and I haven't asked again - until now.

I reach my hand above my head and tap the nightlight pad. The soft glow is barely enough to illuminate her face - but it's all I need.

Startled, she looks up, a puzzled frown on her face. Her eyes - so beautiful - search my face intently.

I smile down at her. "I wanted to see your eyes," I whisper. Tentatively she smiles back at me. I've only told her half the truth. Now comes the other half. I take a deep breath and cup her chin in my hand, looking into her gray eyes.

"You love me. Real or not real?" There it was, I said it - and suddenly I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

Katniss regards me for three long seconds before answering, her gray eyes suddenly shining in the dim light. Oh no - tears. This can't be good, she's going to say not -

"Real."

**PART II**

I stare dumbly at her, now seeing a solitary tear escape first one eye, then the other, and slowly track down her face. I see her lips, trembling in a smile. Her hand sliding up and around the back of my neck.

"What?" I ask. I'm sure I didn't hear her correctly.

"Real," Katniss says softly, gently...lovingly.

Once again my eyes water. I squeeze them shut as my mouth suddenly goes dry, my heart once again drumming madly in my chest.

"Katniss," I whisper. Her name is all I'm able to say.

"Peeta," she answers. She's said my name countless times over the last two years...but never like that. That one word was a verbal caress.

"Say it," I suddenly implore her. She looks at me quizzically.

"Say the words. Please, Katniss," I hear myself saying.

In response, Katniss leans forward and brushes her lips against mine once more, quickly. She takes a deep breath.

"I love you, Peeta," Katniss whispers to me.

Thirteen years. Thirteen years of longing, of wishing, of trying to work up enough courage to say hello. Thirteen years of watching her walk home from school - every day. Of gentle teasing by Delly and Madge, and not so gentle teasing from my brothers Alec and Quinn. Feeling my own heart break at the death of her father. Happily taking a beating from my mother, knowing that I prevented Katniss from starving. Of always looking away quickly so she wouldn't catch me staring. Feeling that familiar sinking feeling deep down inside whenever I saw her with Gale.

Watching helplessly while Prim got Reaped, and feeling my heart sink when she volunteered for her. Hatching my plan to keep her alive, even at the cost of my own life, with Haymitch. Almost dying, and being nursed back to health by her. Being kissed by her for the first time in that dank, stinking cave by the river.

Both of us being declared Victors - a first for the Hunger Games. Her confession on the train trip home, and six months of growing despair as she pulled further and further away from me. Finally forging a friendship during the Victory Tour, and sharing a bond through our nightmares that no one else could ever understand. The reading of the card for the Third Quarter Quell. Training to go back to the arena. Both of us making deals with Haymitch that the other MUST come out alive. That wonderful moment on the beach in the clock arena, when she told me that she needed me.

Her rescue, my capture, and weeks of the Capitol working tirelessly to turn me against her. Trying to kill her the second I laid eyes on her. Struggling to recover from the hijacking - a burden that I will have for the rest of my life. The Rebellion. Katniss as the Mockingjay. District Eight. District Two and Katniss being shot. My gradual recovery. Nights in the hospital in District Thirteen, crying with loneliness and missing her.

Prims death - and me thinking that I have lost her for good. Katniss killing Coin - vengeance for Prim's murder. Her trial. Her mental collapse. Both of us burned and wounded - both physically and mentally.

Finally, Dr. Aurelius allowing me to return home. Seeing Katniss for the first time - both of us acting like the other was a stranger. Weeks and weeks of gradual recovery, getting to know each other again, feeling comfortable, leaning on each other, needing each other. A hug here, a kiss on the head there, smiles and tears, joy and sadness, laughter and anger. Hijacking seizures and angry outbursts. Katniss yelling at me one moment, then hugging me the next. Day by day, growing stronger, inside and out. Her hair growing back, our scars, both inside and out, slowly fading - but never forgotten.

I find myself examining her closely. Her olive skin gleams softly in the dim light. With my thumb I wipe away the two tears from her cheeks. Her eyes never leave mine. I can see the faint dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose. She looks very young and very, very vulnerable.

"You love me?" I ask, my voice slightly shaking.

"Yes. With all my heart." She replies huskily.

"When did you know?" I ask. Katniss caresses my face gently. I pull her close to me.

"I knew for sure when I thought you died," Katniss says quietly.

"From the force field?" I ask. Katniss nods, biting her lip as tears well up in her eyes.

"On the beach, when you gave me the locket, I almost told you then," she says.

I smile. "Why didn't you?"

"It - wasn't the right time," she whispers.

"I - never thought I would hear you say those words to me," I confess to her.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta - for all the hurt I've given you -" I cut her off with another kiss.

"Tell me again," I say.

"I love you, Peeta," Katniss whispers.

"I love you, Katniss," I whisper back.

"I never thought I would ever feel this way about anybody," she says, caressing my face with her hand.

"Are you happy?" I ask.

"I have no right to be," she says in a small voice.

"Look at me," I say sternly. Katniss tilts her head up, searching my face with her eyes.

I take a deep breath. "Katniss, you and I have been through hell together not once, not twice, but three times. We have both lost everything - and we've both gained so much. We have each other. You have my love and I - I have your love. All I want is to make you happy."

"Do I make you happy, Peeta?" Katniss asks plaintively.

"More than anything," I say as I give her a tender kiss.

"I want to make you happy, Peeta. I want that more than anything!"

"Do you love me, Katniss?" I ask quietly.

"Oh yes, Peeta. I love you so much it hurts deep inside. And I'm afraid," she says softly.

"Your love makes me happy - and you don't have to be afraid," I say.

"But I am," she says in a trembling voice. "Every time I love someone I lose them. My Dad, my Mom...and Prim. They're all gone."

"I'm here. I've always been here. I fought back from a terrible place to be here with you. You won't ever lose me. Not now. Not ever. I swear it."

Katniss looks at me with shining eyes. "Promise?" she asks me in a small voice.

"Always," I say with a smile. For the first time tonight, Katniss gives me one of her rare, genuine, full smiles - her cheeks dimpling as she draws my face down to hers.

Katniss kisses me. "Haymitch is right. I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you," she says.

"Tonight is the first night of our new life, Katniss," I say, returning her kisses. Katniss snuggles up to me.

"Our new life," she whispers. "I'm so glad I told you. I don't think I could have held it in for a single day more.

"I love you, Katniss," I whisper.

"I love you, too, Peeta." We lay there quietly, comfortable in each others arms. Before long I hear the regular rhythms of Katniss's breathing. I glance down at her, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, a little smile on her relaxed face. Carefully I lean down and kiss her forehead, then reach behind me and turn out the light.

As I start to drift off into an exhausted slumber, the last thing I remember is hearing Prim's voice, as if in a waking dream:

"I told you that she loved you, Peeta! I told you!"

_And I love you too, little sister_, is my last thought before falling into sleep's embrace.

**A/N - I have to give credit where it's due - I literally could not have written this chapter without the unparalleled beta skills, not to mention advice and guidance, of another incredible writer - Meadowlark27! The words "Thank You" really don't seem adequate! **


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12- AFTERGLOW**

**PART I**

_I'm in the arena, running towards Katniss and the Cornucopia. She's going for the bow! She'll never make it! I scream at her to stop, to run away, but she either doesn't hear me or she's ignoring me. I try to run faster, if I can just get to her I can -_

_Katniss is almost all the way to the bow when I see her lurch to the side, hands clawing at her throat. She stops, spins, and sinks to her knees. It's then I see the handle of a knife, the blade buried in her throat, bright red blood spurting from the wound. I scream her name, trying to reach her, but then I see Clove reach her ahead of me, knife in hand, a wicked smile on her face as she looks me in the eye and slashes viciously at Katniss's exposed throat._

_A bright red mouth flowers open on Katniss's throat as Clove jerks the other knife free, placing her foot against Katniss's side and pushing. Katniss topples over, the spurts from her throat slowing, then stopping. I'm screaming incoherently as the cannon booms, signaling her death. Clove bends over casually and wipes the knife blades clean on Katniss's jacket._

_Helplessly I sink to my knees, no longer caring what happens to me, as I moan her name over and over and over and -_

"Peeta? Peeta! Wake up!"

With a jerk and a start my eyes fly open. I strain to see something, anything, in the darkened room. I can feel my heart pounding and become vaguely aware of someone in bed next to me. Blindly my hands grope out, encountering warm skin. Katniss! With a sob I slide my hands around her back, holding her close to me.

I feel her cool fingers on my forehead. "Shhhh, it was a bad dream, it's okay," she murmurs gently.

I take a shuddering breath as I feel my racing heart start to slow down. "How - how did you know?" I stammer out breathlessly.

I feel her lips fleetingly touch my forehead. "You were screaming - and yelling my name. You usually don't do that," she says gently.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I -" Katniss cuts me off with a tender kiss.

"After all the nights that I've woken you up? Don't be silly," she says with a small laugh.

"Come here," I say huskily, drawing her into my arms. With a sigh she settles next to me, and I feel her tilt her face up, searching for my mouth with her lips. As our lips press together I feel her shiver slightly in my arms.

I break the kiss, pulling away from her slightly.

"Are you cold?" I ask.

"A little," she answers quietly. Even as warm as this night is, Katniss still chills easily. She is not the unhealthily thin girl that she was when I first returned to Twelve, but she is still very spare. I draw her closer to me.

"Will you keep me warm, Peeta?" she asks plaintively.

"Always," I answer softly as her lips find mine once more.

**PART II**

I awaken naturally, no nightmares, hours later. The cool gray light of dawn is starting to seep into the room. I can feel Katniss's arm wrapped around me from behind possessively, and I turn very slowly and carefully so as not to disturb her.

Gently I move a few strands of hair away from her face, now completely relaxed in sleep. Gone is the scowl that she so often wears, most of the time without realizing it. Her brow is smooth and her lips are curled into a tiny smile. I prop myself up on my elbow and just stare at her while she continues to sleep.

She loves me.

The thought causes a thrill to run up and down my spine. Katniss told me last night that she loves me. I waited for so long to hear those words. I can't really describe just how happy I am right at this moment.

At this time, one year ago, we were on the Tribute Train, almost to the Capitol. At this time, two years ago, we were on the same train, me pumping Haymitch for advice, Katniss scowling. Now - now we are both at peace. We have lost so much over the past two years. We've earned the right to some happiness.

I continue to watch her sleep for quite a while, feeling incredibly content, when she finally stirs, scowls a bit in her sleep - which makes me smile - then her incredible silvery eyes open to find me gazing adoringly at her.

Her eyes regard me for a second or two, then she says, "Hi."

"Hi yourself," I say back. Katniss frowns in puzzlement.

"Peeta - what are you looking at?" she asks in bewilderment.

"The most beautiful girl I've ever known," I answer with a smile, causing her to blush.

"Stop it," she says quietly, embarrassed.

"No," I say playfully, grinning.

"Oh! You are impossible," she says in mock frustration.

"When it comes to you, always," I say softly. She looks at me and smiles.

"I love you," she whispers. I feel that shiver down my back again. I touch her face and she kisses my fingers.

"I love you, too," I whisper back. She presses forward and kisses me gently, lovingly. I notice her eyes shining with moisture. I gently wipe at the corners of her eyes with the back of my hand.

"Why are you crying?" I ask gently.

"Because - for the first time in a long time - I'm happy," she replies, smiling at me.

"Me too," I say, returning her smile. "I'm sorry for waking you up last night. I usually don't thrash around like that."

"Oh, Peeta - how many times have you comforted me after a nightmare? I will always be here for you, Dandelion," she says lovingly.

"I hope - wait, what did you call me?" I ask.

"Dandelion - is that okay?" she asks anxiously. "I mean, I'm not really good at these, what do you call them, 'terms of endearment.' It's just that - well, that's how I think of you. My Dandelion in Spring. My hope that everything will be alright."

"It's perfect, my love," I say, kissing her fingers and feeling her shiver.

"I like that - what you just called me," she whispers. "Call me that again, Dandelion."

"I love you, my love," I say again, kissing her. After our kiss she sighs contentedly and holds me close. We lay like that for a while, her head resting on my chest. We both doze lightly for a few minutes at a time, then I feel Katniss stir and reluctantly roll away from me.

I roll over towards her and see her sitting on the side of the bed, her back to me. In the brightening room I can make out a faint pattern of scarring on her slender back. A lifetime of hardship and struggle, two Hunger Games, and a war were written on her body. Her head swivels around and I blush a bit when she catches me staring at her.

"Not a very pretty sight for you," Katniss says sadly. I raise up and kiss her shoulder and the back of her neck, moving her hair to one side.

Katniss shivers a bit at my touch, then shakes her head firmly. "Huh uh...I have things to do this morning, Peeta - don't try to sidetrack me." she says lightly, finally rising from the bed and stepping into the bathroom. After a moment I hear the shower running. Even though I have a sudden urge to join her, I refrain - I know what she wants to do this morning. She needs to check her trap lines and maybe even do some hunting.

I sigh, groan, and swing my legs out of bed. Grabbing my shorts, I slip them on and head downstairs to make us breakfast before Katniss heads out for the forest. I see Buttercup meowing plaintively by the door so I pause to let him out. As I open the door I can once again hear the faint sounds of construction coming from the direction of town.

We will be a town again, I say to myself. A new town with a new industry. Already work is getting started on the factory that will be used to manufacture medicines for the rest of Panem. The coal mines are shut down, the entrances sealed. All across Panem, in all the other districts, similar scenes are playing out. Rebuilding, working towards a country where everyone will have an equal say. No more fear, no more Reapings, no more Hunger Games.

I examine our larder and find that it's becoming quite thin. I will need to re-supply today. I will make a run to the small grocery while Katniss is out. But for now, there's enough to make pancakes and bacon. I put on a pot of water to boil for tea, and soon the aromas of cooking fill the air in the kitchen.

I'm busy at the stove when Katniss comes into the kitchen, wearing what I've come to think of as her "forest clothes" - soft boots, pants, long sleeved shirt, and her fathers leather jacket. Her hair, although still shorter than she normally wears it, is still done up in its signature braid. Her eyes are bright and shining. She pauses by the stove and inhales deeply, then pops open the bread box and scowls as she removes a solitary cheese bun.

Katniss takes a bite out of the stale cheese bun and scowls again. "I guess I need to do some baking," I say with a laugh. "Maybe I'll enlist Rory and Delly to help me."

"Good idea," Katniss says with a smile. "We should have them over for dinner - maybe tomorrow."

"Delly would love that," I say. "She's always idolized you, you know."

Katniss blushes a bit when I tell her of Delly's long held admiration for her. "I don't know why," she says softly.

"Maybe you two can figure that out when she's here," I say with a grin, as I fill two plates with our breakfast. Together we sit at the table and eat. Katniss outlines her plan for the day.

"It's too late to hunt today, but I need to check the trap and snare lines. Maybe gather some edible plants also. I shouldn't be gone long," she says.

"And I need to pick up some groceries," I say. "I should place an order for my baking needs, too. I need to talk to Galen today also."

"About your treatments?" Katniss asks.

"That, and my leg. And - something else," I add, feeling my face redden.

"Something - oh!" Katniss blushes a bit when she realizes what I'm talking about. It's a talk she should have with him also - which means she won't, so I have to. Katniss has always stated that she doesn't want any children, even now, with the threat of the Games removed. But now that our relationship has - matured - I want to make sure that there aren't any surprises in store for us.

Katniss and I clean up the kitchen, then she grabs her game bag and prepares to leave. At the door she pauses to raise up on her tip toes to kiss me. She smiles and nuzzles her face against mine.

"Love you," she murmurs.

"Love you," I answer.

"I'll be home soon, Dandelion," she calls out as she practically skips down the walkway to the street, heading for the Village entrance. I watch her until she disappears from view. I feel warm all over.

"Dandelion? Well, well...this is a new development. And did my ears deceive me or did I hear Miss Sunshine use the "L" word to you?" Haymitch is standing near the border between his house and Katniss's...his geese busy pecking up choice bits from the ground around him.

I sigh. "Hello, Haymitch," I say resignedly. "You must have incredible hearing. She practically whispered it."

"I can read lips. It's a skill that, shall we say, comes in handy from time to time...Dandelion," he says with a smirk.

"Haymitch, when she says it, it sounds sweet," I say angrily. "When you say it, it sounds cheap!"

"Whoa, whoa, there, boy. I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. Truth be told, I'm really happy - for you both! When did she finally tell you?" He asks, draping an arm around my shoulders.

I relax slightly, still angry with Haymitch. "Last night," I reply curtly.

Haymitch smiles widely at me. Not his usual sarcastic smirk but a genuine happy smile. His arms suddenly fold me into a bear hug and he pounds me enthusiastically on my back.

"About time!" Haymitch says with a laugh. "So, when's the wedding?"

"Haymitch, come on. She just admitted it last night. We need to - get used to the idea of being in love before we do anything else!" We have some more healing to do, I add silently. Still, I can't help but smile.

A movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. I see Rory walking over from Haymitch's house. I raise my hand in greeting and smile over at him. I had first met Rory shortly after returning from my first Games. A close friend of Prim's, Rory had started to come by on Sundays when Prim and I would bake. At first he was cool towards me - no doubt Gale's influence - but quickly warmed up and soon both he and Prim were spending a lot of time at my house.

"Hey, Peeta!" Rory greets me.

"Hi, Rory!" I say affectionately.

"Good timing, kid," Haymitch says, "We were just discussing the latest - turn of events."

Puzzled, Rory looks at Haymitch. "Huh? What 'turn of events?'"

I'm about to explain everything to Rory when I hear a feminine voice calling my name. "Peeta!" I look across the way to see Delly standing outside my house, Galen behind her.

"Looks like the whole neighborhood wants in on your news," Haymitch says in an amused voice. At first I think he's talking about Delly and Galen but he inclines his head up the street. I look in the direction he's looking and see Thom and Leevy walking hand in hand towards us. At the same time Delly and Galen are hurrying across the way. Sighing, I turn to Rory.

"Is Sae over at Haymitch's?" I ask. Rory nods. "Could you go get her, Rory?"

"Sure thing!" Rory says and dashes off to Haymitch's house. Delly and Galen reach us about that time and Delly pulls me into a hug that could match Haymitch's for ferocity.

"Peeta Mellark! I've hardly seen you since I've been back!" Delly exclaims in mock anger.

"I know, Delly - Katniss and I...well, we've been a little busy the last couple of days," I explain.

"Oh, I know, Peeta - don't you think I know that?" Delly says with a laugh. By this time both Thom and Leevy have joined us and a puffing Rory is returning with Sae - who's walking somewhat slower than the energetic fourteen year old boy. I exchange greetings with Thom and Leevy and playfully ask him why he isn't in town, hard at work rebuilding District Twelve.

"Gave myself the morning off," Thom answers with a wink. "I'm the Mayor - I can do that!" Standing next to him, Leevy squeezes his arm affectionately as he bends to quickly kiss her.

"So - Peeta. What's this 'turn of events' that Haymitch was talking about?" Rory asks impatiently. I suddenly feel seven pairs of eyes looking at me.

"Huh? What's he -" "'Turn of events?' Nothing could top yesterday's -" "Peeta, what's going -" The buzz of everyone asking questions - everyone, that is, but Haymitch, who's once again found his signature smirk - rises in volume until I blurt out -

"Katniss told me that she loves me!" Sudden, shocked silence - quickly broken by Delly's delighted squeal as she throws her arms around my neck. I feel another pair of arms and see Leevy pressing in from the side, and feel hands thumping my back enthusiastically. I disengage myself and see Sae standing patiently, a little smile on her worn, lined face.

"So," Sae begins quietly. "The girl finally came to her senses, did she?" Sae then grins hugely and gives me a hug of her own.

"So where is she, Peeta?" Delly asks.

"She's out, checking her snares and traps," I explain. "She'll be back in a few hours. Listen, are you and Rory available this morning?" Both Delly and Rory nod assent. "Good. I need to run into town for groceries, and was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping."

Both Delly and Rory quickly agree and I ask them both to meet me back here in thirty minutes, explaining that I had something to discuss with Doctor Wellgood. Thom and Leevy both say their goodbyes - notwithstanding Thom's comment about taking the morning off, they were both headed into town to go to work on the rebuilding after all - with Leevy telling me that she would stop in that evening to say hello to Katniss. Sae, Rory and Haymitch return to Haymitch's house and Delly goes back across the way to my place to get ready to go into town. Galen points to Katniss's front door and together we go into the house.

**PART III**

"So, what's on your mind, Peeta?" Galen asks.

"A few things," I say. "Number one - my hijacking treatments."

"Both Dr. Aurelius and I are very happy with your progress in that regard," Galen says. "Even though you'll never be entirely free from the seizures, you'll have advance notice when one is coming on. Aurelius and I have developed something to help when that happens." He holds up something that looks like a pen. "This is called an auto injector. You can administer a pre-measured dose of the hijacking medication to yourself. It doesn't require refrigeration and it's very easy to use." Galen demonstrates how to use it, popping the cover off and jamming it against his thigh.

I hear a snapping noise that Galen explains is the needle - or would be the needle, since this device is for training - shooting out by way of a spring. Once the needle penetrates flesh the medication injects automatically. The needle retracts once the medication is delivered.

"The medication is pre-measured. Just remove the cover and press it firmly against your thigh. The needle retracts into the body once the medication is delivered. Replace the cover and discard the whole unit. Use it only when you feel a seizure coming on - you know the signs."

He hands me a long, slender box. I open it up and see six of the auto injectors nestled inside.

"Those are all 'live' and ready to go," Galen explains. I nod and slip the box in my pocket.

"Thanks, Galen. Number two - my leg."

"The adjustments that need to be made are fairly simple. Everything that's needed came in on the last train. It is a fairly lengthy process, though - so you'll have to pick a day that you want me to do the procedure. You will be fairly immobile for the rest of the day after I finish," Galen explains.

"How about the day after tomorrow?" I ask.

"Done. We'll get an early start. And don't worry, it's not painful. Just a little inconvenient, " Galen says with a smile.

"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath. "Number three. Katniss and I - that is to say, we - well, you heard me when I told everyone that she told me she loves me, and - well -" I stammer out.

Galen rummages through the sideboard that he's taken over for medical storage, then emerges with a small rectangular box.

"Congratulations," he says, handing me the box with a smile. "I'll have to contact the Capitol for some proper time release contraceptives. These are all I have here. The time release implant will last Katniss for a year. What I just gave you are single use prophylactics. There's a dozen in that box. If you - run out - before the next train comes, I do have more."

I find myself blushing. "Thanks again, Galen," I say.

"My pleasure, Peeta," he says with a grin. "You still need your hijacking injections, remember - so we'll resume those tonight."

"Okay. I'll come see you after dinner," I promise. "I need to get ready now - going into town for some groceries. Want to come along?"

"Oh, no, thank you, Peeta. Haymitch and I will keep each other company today," Galen says.

I nod and see him to the door, then head upstairs for a quick shower and to get dressed. I have just enough time before I meet with Delly and Rory.

**PART IV**

It's a beautiful late Spring morning as the three of us set off for town. I enlist Rory's help right off, asking him to pull a small cart that we will use to carry my purchases back to Katniss's house as well as my own. Galen Wellgood has turned my home into the temporary District Twelve Clinic, but he and Delly are both still living there and need to eat like the rest of us.

Delly, of course, is talking almost non-stop. How dreary life was in District Thirteen (even after the war and Coin's death, not much had changed for the residents there in their day-to-day lives), how exciting the Capitol had been for her, and how glad she was to be back home. Like everyone else from our district, Delly had lost pretty much everything during the bombing - her home, her parents shoe shop, and both her mother and father. Her little brother and grandparents were still in Thirteen, waiting for word from her to come home.

"What will you do, Delly? Open the shoe shop again?" I ask.

"Oh, I'm not sure," she replies, "My grandparents talked about it, but they're both getting up in years - and I have no idea what my brother wants. I was actually thinking of maybe staying on and helping Dr. Wellgood - I really enjoyed helping out in the District Thirteen hospital. I so loved working there with Prim and -"

Delly suddenly stops talking at the little noise we heard behind us. I turn my head and see Rory stoically plodding along, trying gamely to erase from his face the reaction he had at hearing Prim's name. I drop back to walk along side him. Delly drops back a bit too and soon we are flanking him.

"It's okay, Rory," I murmur. "We all miss her. Nothing wrong with crying -"

"I'm not crying!" Rory snaps angrily.

"I didn't say you were," I tell him gently. "But it would be okay - if you were, anyway."

"Well, I'm not," Rory says firmly. "Crying is unmanly."

"Who fed you THAT line?" Delly says incredulously. "Oh wait - never mind. I have a pretty good idea!"

"Well, he's right!" Rory says, even as his chin starts to tremble.

"No - he's not." I stop walking and grab Rory's shoulder to get him to stop too. Delly turns to watch us.

"Rory - I know Prim was your friend - maybe even your best friend - and I think even more than that. And all of us are really sad that she's - gone. But she was special and I know that's why Katniss fought to get the square named after her - she didn't want anyone to forget her. And I understand if you feel you have to keep everything inside - I'm just telling you it's okay if you can't." All the while Rory was staring at me, almost defiantly, his eyes glistening with tears that he fought to hold in - until finally his resolve crumbled and he lets out a huge, choking sob.

Delly immediately steps in and gathers up Rory in her arms, holding him and murmuring to him gently as he finally allows his grief for Prim's death to come to the surface. Delly seems like such a natural for something like this - sympathetic, nurturing, and compassionate. After a few minutes Rory's sobs subside into sniffles and finally he pulls away from Delly, sheepishly wiping his eyes and nose on his shirt sleeve.

I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "Feel better?" I ask.

"Yes," he nods. "I've held that in for so long. But Gale kept telling me that men don't cry. 'Look at me,' he would say. 'I lost Katniss - do you see me crying over it?'"

"Rory, I know that you look up to Gale, but on this he's wrong," I say softly. To my surprise Rory agrees with me.

"Peeta, you don't know how hard it's been living with him since we all moved to Two. He blows up at every little thing. Mom's miserable, Vick begged me to take him with me, and poor Posy is still too young to really understand. Gale was so mad when I told him I was leaving. And I wouldn't have been able to leave if I hadn't found a sponsor." He glances at Delly and smiles for the first time this morning.

I look at Delly in surprise. I had no idea that she sponsored him. I had heard that it had become pretty commonplace in Panem since the end of the war for sponsors to take in displaced kids - but Rory was hardly displaced. Then again, maybe he was. The move to Two had been, after all, Gale's idea. As we gather ourselves and continue our walk into town I have another, disquieting, thought.

From what Rory has told us, Gale is angry - and it seems that his anger is directed towards his perceived failed love of Katniss. I make a note to talk this over with Galen. He understands these things so much better than I do. But I understand enough to realize that if Gale is angry, he may eventually take his anger out on someone other than his family.

One thing seems certain- we were going to have to deal with Gale sooner or later.

**PART V**

Delly, Rory and I return from our shopping trip to find Katniss already home, busy cleaning her catch in the kitchen. She quickly greets Delly and Rory, and gives me a longer, somewhat more personal, greeting, much to the amusement of the two friends that helped me with the groceries. Both Delly and Rory quickly leave, but not before Katniss and I had extended our invitation to dinner the following night, which both eagerly accept.

Katniss's morning had been productive. Three large rabbits, a half dozen squirrels, and a good haul of edible plants. We both agree that the rabbits would be perfect for dinner the next night and decide to fry up the squirrels for our dinner that night.

"I'm still going to go hunting tomorrow," Katniss informs me. "I saw turkey signs. If I can bag a turkey then we can save the rabbit for another time."

"Sounds like a good idea," I say with a smile, as I finish organizing what I'll be using to bake. We - and everyone else that still lives in the Village - are pretty much out of everything, so I know I'll be baking for more than just Katniss and I.

"Did you talk to Galen?" Katniss asks.

"Yes," I nod. I show her the slender box with the auto injectors. "He still wants me to keep up the regular treatments, but he gave me these in case of a seizure." I quickly explain to Katniss how they worked. Katniss picks up one of the injectors and examines it.

"So I could give you a shot if I needed to?" she asks.

"Katniss - if I'm so out of it that you are the one that has to give me the shot - then being around me won't be the safest thing for you," I say softly, taking the injector from her and replacing it in the box.

"Peeta - I trust you. You would never hurt me. You -" Katniss starts to argue but I cut her off. I have to.

"Katniss. Please. Don't argue. If I can't give myself the shot - then you get away from me and get help. Galen, Haymitch, Thom, Delly - anyone but you. We've been really lucky so far...but you know how hard it is for me to tell what's real or not real when I have a seizure." I touch her face gently.

"I just want to help," she says sadly.

"You do help, my love," I say softly, seeing her smile when she hears the words "my love." She wraps her arms tightly around my neck. I can feel her warm breath on my neck.

"You love me. Real or not real?" I whisper in her ear.

"So very, very, real," she whispers back immediately, then pulls her head back to kiss me. By the time our kiss is ended I can feel my heart racing, and, from her flushed face, I'm sure hers is too. With a smile she disentangles herself from me, then goes back to cleaning the rabbits.

"So what else did Galen have to say?" Katniss asks lightly.

"He will be fixing my leg the day after tomorrow," I reply. "He said that the procedure is fairly quick, simple and painless, but that I can expect to be laid up for the rest of the day."

I see a small frown crease Katniss's forehead at this news. "The day after tomorrow? I was thinking about taking Rory out that day - show him how to check the traps and snares and let him work with the bow a little. But, we can do it another time -"

"Katniss - go. I'll be fine. Haymitch is right next door, Galen and Delly are across the street, and I'll have the phone with me. I'm sure Rory would enjoy learning the bow and working the traps - besides, it'll be nice to have him to back you up," I say with a smile.

"Are you sure?" Katniss asks, still unconvinced.

"Positive." I reply.

"We'll see," Katniss says. "I won't say anything to Rory just yet - in case you change your mind."

"Fine," I laugh. "But you'll end up going with Rory that day anyway."

"Anything else you spoke to Galen about?" Katniss asks, sounding a little miffed that I was so confident that I wouldn't need her help after Galen fixes my leg.

"One more thing," I say. I disappear into the living room and return to the kitchen holding the box Galen had given me earlier. Wordlessly I hand it to Katniss.

Wiping her hands on a towel, Katniss, puzzled, takes the box from me and examines it - then begins to blush when she realizes what's inside.

"So these are - I mean, you take one and - do you know how to -" Katniss stammers.

"I think we will be able to figure it out together," I say quietly, smiling, taking the box from her. I also tell her about the morning - and how I ended up telling many of our neighbors and closest friends about the evolution in our relationship.

"So everyone knows that you told me you love me," I say.

"Well, it does save me from having to climb onto the roof and shouting it to the world," Katniss says with a smile.

I take her in my arms. "So you aren't mad or upset that I told them?" I ask.

"Not at all," she murmurs quietly. Katniss kisses me, gently at first, then with more and more hunger. Katniss breaks our kiss and looks down at the box still clutched in my hand.

"Peeta - maybe we should - you know - figure out how to use these - now," she says with a blush. In response, I take her by her hand and lead her upstairs.

The rabbits, squirrels, and baking will just have to wait a while longer.

**Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out! I'm working on two fics at the same time (crazy, I know!) so it's taking me a bit longer than usual to complete chapters! So, please bear with me and I hope that you all are continuing to enjoy the story! And please review :-)**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 - A TWO YEAR OLD MYSTERY**

**PART I**

"Okay, Peeta, that's it." Galen Wellgood says as locks my Robo-leg back into place. Laying on the couch in Katniss's house, Galen had spent about an hour adjusting the cap that fit over the stump of what's left of my leg. Fitting the new components in the cap and in the leg itself took the most time, with Galen grumbling that he felt more like a mechanic than a doctor as he worked. It was totally painless, as he had said it would be.

"Now remember, today you need to use the walker," he indicates the contraption with small wheels standing at the end of the couch, "if you need to get around anywhere. You won't be moving fast, so if you need to use the bathroom - don't wait until the last minute. Tomorrow you'll be able to use a cane, and you should be able to get around normally the day after that."

"Okay, I got it," I say cheerily. I wasn't concerned, even without Katniss there that morning. Delly was across the street, Haymitch, Rory and Sae next door. I had the phone, water, and a small plate of cheese buns in case I got hungry. Katniss would be home in a few hours. I had to admit - life was getting better.

I didn't want to say life was good - not quite yet. But, Katniss loves me, peace and prosperity were slowly spreading across Panem, and the Games were a thing of the past. Sure, I still had hijacking seizures, and Katniss and I both had recurring nightmares - but the medication was helping control the seizures, and Katniss and I both found that sleeping together had an effect of lessening the frequency and intensity of our nightmares.

For the first time in my life, I was able to seriously think about the future.

My thoughts returned to the night before. Katniss had indeed been able to bag a turkey yesterday morning, so the rabbits from the day before were cleaned and now rested, wrapped in paper, in her freezer. We roasted the turkey, serving it with wild vegetables and fresh baked bread. Delly Cartwright and Rory Hawthorne had been our guests for dinner.

I spoke with Rory at length about my plans to re-open the bakery, and his enthusiasm was a delight to behold. Before the evening was out I found myself promising him a job once I re-opened the bakery. But the truly poignant moment of the evening was the exchange between Katniss and Delly.

Before our first Games, Katniss and Delly were nodding acquaintances. Delly was from the merchant class, the same as me, while Katniss was born and grew up in the Seam, the poorest area in District Twelve. As an unwritten rule, Merchant and Seam didn't mix. But Katniss knew of Delly, and Delly of Katniss. But it wasn't until we were all refugees in District Thirteen that Delly admitted a deep seated admiration for Katniss. And it wasn't until last night that Katniss admitted her long time admiration for Delly.

During a lull in the conversation between Rory and I, I couldn't help but overhear Katniss and Delly talking. What they said made me smile.

"Katniss, I - I have to tell you something," Delly said haltingly.

"What's that, Delly?" Katniss asked.

"I - Well, that is - when we were growing up - I really - wanted to be like you. More than anything," Delly stammered.

"What? Why?" Katniss asked in surprise.

"You were so - self reliant, and - brave. Hunting, going to the Hob. I wasn't the only one that admired you. Every girl I knew - Merchant and Seam alike - admired you."

"I - I don't know what to say," Katniss stammers. "Delly - I wasn't brave. I was scared - every day. I did what I had to do for - my family."

"No - you were brave. Volunteering proved that."

"Oh Delly, that wasn't bravery. That was love. Love for Prim. Believe me, I had never been so afraid in my whole life. Do you want to know something?"

"What?" Delly asked.

"I admired you. You, Delly Cartwright. You thought I didn't know who you were and that I never noticed you. You were always able to make friends so easily. You had Merchant friends, Seam friends - even the Capitol Liaison kids liked you. Everyone thought that I didn't have friends because I didn't need them aside from Gale and Madge, but in truth, I didn't have friends because I didn't know how to make friends. You had that confidence that I never had."

"Really?" Delly asks incredulously.

"Really." Katniss says. "I would have - loved - to have been your friend."

"It's never too late to make a friend," Delly says softly.

"Thank you, Delly," Katniss says, her voice thick with emotion.

"Thank you, Katniss," Delly says with just as much emotion.

I smile as I listen. Katniss may not know it, but Delly is probably the best friend she could ever have.

**PART II**

I sit at the end of the couch, leg propped up, and show Delly the memory book that Katniss and I had been working on. Delly looks in awe at my careful illustrations, and more than once I see her eyes moisten as she reads some of Katniss's carefully written passages. Reading about people that she knew, like Prim, Madge, and Gale - or about other Tributes, like Rue and Thresh. Reading about other Victors, like Johanna, Beetee, and Finnick. Reading about those that helped us - Cinna, Portia, Boggs, and others.

Delly reads in silence for the most part, occasionally asking questions, then finally puts the book down.

"Peeta, that was - amazing - incredible. Your drawings - they captured so much! And Katniss - I never dreamed she could write like that," she says.

"This book helped us so much, Delly. Helped us heal, in a way, and to grow together," I say.

"What's in this chest?" Delly asks, putting the memory book down and pointing to Haymitch's locked chest.

"Haymitch's contribution," I say. "Twenty-five years of memories as a Mentor in the Hunger Games. He said that each Mentor received a portfolio of the Tribute or Tributes they were mentoring. He made a lot of notes on each one - skills they may have had, what kind of personality they had, how well they listened, how they - died." I unlock the chest and open the lid, revealing the twenty-five neatly packed volumes.

Delly had started to take one leather bound volume out at random but quickly slid it back into place at the word "died." "Have you - have you looked at many?" she asked.

"A couple," I reply. "I can better understand now why Haymitch is...the way he is."

Delly runs her fingers over the last volume on the far right of the chest. "This is the last one," she says in awe, "from the Quarter Quell. The very last Games - ever."

I shudder slightly in remembrance. One year ago at this time Katniss and I were in the Capitol - training for these very Games. The Games that, as it turned out, became the first battle in the Rebellion. Some Capitol News programs had taken to calling our last war "The Mockingjay Rebellion." Just one more reason why Katniss and I rarely watch the Holo-TV.

Delly slides out the first volume and reads aloud the embossed cover. "Fifty-First Annual Hunger Games - District Twelve - Josiah Pride and Antonia Morrow."

"They didn't do very well," I say. "Haymitch knew them both pretty well, as it turned out."

"That must have been awful for him," she says softly. "And for you and Katniss - if Victors hadn't been Reaped for the Quarter Quell - you would have had to..." her voice trails off as she gently sets the volume down.

"Haymitch said he would have given us all the help we needed...but still, it would've been awful," I say.

"Thankfully, those days are over," Delly points out.

"True - but there's the matter of seventy-five arenas. Plutarch Heavensbee wants to turn them into shrines. Capitolites used to travel to the old arenas. They were tourist attractions, complete with holographic projections of Tribute deaths. But now, Plutarch has this idea of all of the surviving Victors traveling to each arena and dedicating each one to the Tributes that died there."

"When's that gonna happen?" Delly asks. I shrug my shoulders.

"I'm not sure. Soon, probably. It'll take a long time to convert all of those arenas the way they're talking about. I've also heard talk about doing something in the Capitol - there's a lot of buildings that were used just for the Games - the Remake Center, the Training Center, Gamemaker Headquarters - that they want to turn into something like memorials. That'll take a long time to do, what with all the rebuilding that has to be done in the Capitol and all the districts. So for Katniss, Haymitch and I - the Games continue, only now with no deaths and no blood. Just constant reminders. I really wish I could just forget all of it!" I say in frustration.

"I know you do," Delly says gently. "But maybe that's the whole idea. They don't want anyone to forget. They want everyone to remember the horror that Panem had to endure for seventy-five years. Because, if we remember, we won't allow it to happen again."

"Maybe you're right," I sigh. "But that doesn't make it any easier on me - or on Katniss."

"Where is Katniss, by the way?" Delly asks.

"Out in the forest. With Rory. Teaching him about snares and traps - and giving him bow lessons too," I say with a smile.

"She goes out every day?"

"Just about. She loves the woods. And she still feels the need to provide."

At that moment there's a sharp rapping on the front door, then the door opens without waiting for either Delly or myself to answer it. I look up to see Galen walking into the house.

"Peeta, if you don't mind, I'd like to steal Delly for a while. I'm meeting Thom in a little while in town regarding the clinic, and I'd like Delly in on the meeting also," Galen says.

"Of course," I say. "Stop by later on, Delly?

"Sure thing!" Delly says, leaning over and kissing my cheek quickly. "See you later, Peeta!"

"Bye, Delly! Bye, Galen!" I watch them both disappear out the door, then look around the living room and sigh. I'm already going stir crazy and noon is still quite a ways off. I pick up the remote and turn on the Holo-TV, but a quick search through the programming doesn't reveal anything that interests me. Turning the TV off, I toss the remote onto the end table.

The chest containing Haymitch's history as District Twelve Mentor catches my eye. Leaning over, I open the lid. Curiosity has finally gotten the better of me. With a hand trembling with a mixture of fear and anticipation, I slide one of the volumes out and examine the gold embossed cover.

_**SEVENTY-FOURTH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES**_

_**DISTRICT TWELVE**_

_**PEETA MELLARK AND KATNISS EVERDEEN**_

I take a deep breath and open the front cover. The first page contained some fairly dry statistics - Date and time of the Reaping, total number of Tribute Candidates present - 668, total number of children given temporary exemption due to severe illness or injury - 0, total number unaccounted for at Reaping - 0. Total number of Reaping Entries - 14,056. Total Entries for girls - 7,111. Total Entries for boys - 6,945. Escort - Effie Trinket. Mentor(s) - Haymitch Abernathy (V50). Mayor - Karl Undersee. Head Peacekeeper - Commander Augustus Cray (D2). Capitol Liaison - Hadrian Clark.

I turn the page, and find the Reaping photos of Katniss and I, taken as we stood on stage together. Katniss looks beautifully defiant, and I - I just look - defeated. Scared. Well, I was scared - terrified, in fact. I notice, next to Katniss's name on the picture, two small, hand inked question marks (?). Idly I wonder what they mean.

The next page shows two more photos - these taken inside the Justice Building, after our visitation period was over but before they hustled us into the car for the ride to the station. My picture showed a slightly younger version of me, eyes red rimmed from recent crying. Katniss was wearing an almost bored, detached look in her picture - and there's something else. She's wearing the Mockingjay pin that Madge had given her, and someone had circled it with red ink.

I glance through pages of notes that Haymitch had jotted down. There was nothing really surprising - it was pretty obvious that he liked me better than Katniss, but I had already known that. It was also obvious that he thought Katniss stood a much better chance than I at winning. There were a lot of references to various sponsor gifts that he had considered sending her, including a bow and a dozen arrows.

I was amazed at the cost of one bow and twelve arrows. It was on par with Finnick Odairs infamous trident! I knew that District Twelve Tributes never got enough sponsors to fund something so extravagant. I shifted the volume on my lap a bit as one corner of the leather bound cover on the back of the volume caught against the joint where my Robo-leg connected to the cap. I pull the cover away from the joint and see a small bit of leather pull away from the binding.

Dammit! The last thing I wanted to do was to rip the leather cover. Carefully I set the volume down and lean over it to examine how much damage I had done to the cover when something behind the cover caught my eye.

The corner of a slip of paper was protruding out of the spot where the leather cover had begun to pull away from the binding of the volume. Frowning, I pull at the slip of paper, finding something eerily familiar about it, but I'm unable to free it - the tear in the leather isn't large enough.

Taking a deep breath, I grasp the leather cover firmly at the spot of the tear and peel it back slowly. The cover peels back surprisingly easily and neatly, exposing twenty or so small slips of paper.

The slips are rectangular in shape, a couple of inches long by about half that wide, and sealed at one end. I examine one closer under the light of the lamp sitting beside the couch. I notice for the first time that the slip has a very faint light blue cast to the paper. I'm beginning to realize just what this slip of paper is. With trembling fingers I grasp the sealed end and peel it open. When I open it I look inside and gasp.

Carefully I dump all the slips of paper onto the small table in front of me. I start working at the leather cover on the front of the volume. Again, with surprisingly little effort, it gives way. Carefully I peel it back, exposing another twenty or so slips of paper. I select one at random and examine it under the lamp. Identical to the slips from the back of the volume, but these sport a very faint pinkish cast to the paper.

I'm already sure of what I'll find as I peel open the sealed end. I look inside and nod, my suspicions confirmed.

I spend the next few minutes carefully opening ten slips from the front of the volume and ten slips from the back. I notice for the first time that slips of both colors appear to be slightly crumpled, as though clenched tightly in a hand before being smoothed out and hidden underneath the leather cover of the volume. The ten slips that I opened from the back of the volume all have the same two words printed on them in the inside:

_**PEETA MELLARK**_

Likewise, the ten slips from the front of the volume all have identical printing on them as well:

_**PRIMROSE EVERDEEN**_

Even though I've never seen them up close, I know exactly what these slips of paper are.

Reaping Slips.

**PART III**

I sit, my heart pounding in my chest as I stare at the open Reaping Slips arrayed on the table in front of me. My mind is whirling in confusion.

_I was only supposed to have a total of _five_ slips in the Reaping Bowl, _I say to myself, _But here's _ten_ opened Reaping Slips with _my_ name on them! And Prim...Prim was supposed to be in there only _once_!_

I don't bother to open the other slips - I'm quite sure I will find more of the same. For some reason, Haymitch has twenty Reaping Slips each with my name and twenty with Prim's name. I put my head in my hands in confusion.

I had heard rumors of "Punitive Reapings" before. As rumor had it, if a district resident fell out of favor with the Capitol, say, by engaging in activities that the Capitol deemed "rebellious" or "subversive," and if that district resident had children of Reaping age, then it wasn't uncommon to have one or more of that resident's children Reaped to die in the Hunger Games. That way, a clear message would be sent from the Capitol: "We know what you're doing, and if you don't stop, next time it'll be your family - or you."

Also, Victor's children seemed to not have the odds in their favor as well, as it was very common to see the child of a Victor be Reaped to die in the Games as well. Many Victors had chosen not to have children for that very reason.

But this - this made no sense. Why Prim and I? Prim had only been twelve at the time, loved by everyone in Twelve, and definitely not subversive OR rebellious. Una Everdeen was about as far from being subversive as a person could get. That left Katniss...but it would have been easier for the Capitol to Reap her directly if they felt she was a threat. Reap her and send her into the arena to die. And then there was me. No one in my family was remotely rebellious or subversive.

I begin to wonder if this is all some kind of sick joke. Someone had those printed up. No, that didn't make any sense either. If it was a joke, then why did Haymitch go to such lengths to conceal them? They were all carefully hidden in that leather bound volume between the leather cover and the original binding, and the leather had been carefully re-stitched. And how would Haymitch even get his hands on Reaping Slips anyway?

I need answers. I reach over and pick up the phone and punch up the memory, select a number, and hit "Send." I put the phone to my ear and listen to it ring - once, twice, three times, four -

"Come on, come on," I mutter. "Answer!"

Fifth ring - and the ring cuts off abruptly. I hear fumbling sounds and I wince at the sharp noise as the phone on the other end was dropped. I chuckle at hearing muffled curses in the background.

"What?!" the voice on the other end snaps.

"Good to hear you too, Jo," I say, still chuckling.

"Huh? Who is - Mellark? Is that you, Stumpy?" She sounds bleary and for a moment I wonder if I called too early. Where she lives in District Seven is on Capitol Time - two hours behind us.

"Yeah, Jo. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"It's okay - late night last night," she mumbles. "By the way, nice job you and Brainless did with that whole Reaping anniversary propo dog and pony show. How did she get them to name your town square after her sister?"

"Told Heavensbee that if he wanted her participation, he would have to do something for her. That was it." I explain.

Johanna barks out a short laugh. "Oh, that's great! Guess she does have a brain after all! And was the statue her idea too?"

"No," I say, smiling. "That was my idea."

"Nice touch," Johanna says admiringly. "And I hear congratulations are in order - she _finally_ admitted that she loves you, from what I hear!"

I shake my head in amazement. That was just days ago. "Word sure does travel fast," I say dryly. "But thanks...it - feels - well, indescribable! By the way, Katniss and I watched the anniversary propo for District Seven. Nice speech. Very moving."

"Yeah, well - I didn't write it. So, what's on your mind, Peg Leg? I'm sure you didn't call just to catch up." Typical Johanna. Direct and to the point.

"Jo - before I get to that, I - well, I do want to be able to catch up with you. Things here have been a little...well, confusing...these last few months. But, just now, talking to you, I've really realized that I do miss you - a lot. Beetee and Annie, too. Even Enobaria, in a funny way." It's true. I hadn't given a lot of thought to my fellow surviving Victors, but we all share a bond that no one else could understand.

Johanna is silent for long seconds. Finally, I say, "Jo? Are you still there?"

"Yes," she says quickly. "Damn you, Mellark, getting all sentimental on me." I hear her sniff loudly and I smile. Tough as nails Johanna Mason - crying? Maybe there's a girl under that shell after all.

"Listen, Jo, I meant what I said. I really want to catch up. Will you be home later on? I'm sure Katniss would want to talk to you also."

"She's not there?" Johanna asks. "Where - oh, never mind. Out hunting? Fishing? Trapping?"

"Something like that," I say with a grin. "So later on?"

"Yeah," she says. "I've got no plans until tonight, anyway. So, any time. Now, you called me for a reason -"

"I just had some questions...about Mentoring," I say carefully.

"Mentoring? I've got a news flash for you - the Games are done. Besides, wouldn't it be easier to ask Haymitch? I mean, he's right there - unless he's shit-faced drunk, anyway."

"No, I can't ask him because - well, let's just say I have my reasons. My questions were more about Reapings, anyway. About what part Mentors played in Reapings. I mean, you went through a few as a Mentor," I could feel my mouth go dry and my heart start to pound.

"Part? Well, Blight and I would sit on the stage, applaud politely when our Escort read off the names of the kids that would be dead soon, then afterwards we'd go into the Justice Building and 'be available' for the families of the new Tributes, if they wanted to talk to us or ask us anything. Oh, and we had to certify the Reaping."

"Certify?" I ask.

"Yeah. A Peacekeeper would bring us a document for each new Tribute that Blight, myself, and our Escort had to sign, certifying that the Reaping was done in accordance with the Treaty of Treason, and that unused Reaping Slips were destroyed by incineration immediately following the Reaping. The Peacekeeper had to sign it also, as the one responsible for burning the unused Slips. Then the Peacekeeper would make copies of each document for the Escort and the Mentors, and give the Mentors the portfolio for each new Tribute."

"So a Peacekeeper would burn all the unused Slips?" I ask.

"Yeah. So, are you gonna keep me in suspense or tell me what the hell this is all about?" Johanna asks testily.

"Jo - I can't say anything yet - sorry. Suffice to say that I...found something...that's really bothering me and I'm trying to sort it out. I promise that once I figure everything out I'll tell you everything. Okay?"

"You don't trust me?" Johanna asks softly, the hurt evident in her voice.

"I trust you with my life, Jo! I just don't want to say anything until I get all the facts straight. I promise, you'll know everything!" I say sincerely.

"Peeta - you're a decent person. One of the few truly good people I've ever met. The suspense is gonna kill me, but - okay. But you spill everything to me when you can!"

"It's a deal," I promise. "Oh, one more thing - the leather volumes that you got for each Games - the ones with the Tributes names on the cover - where did they come from?"

"Our Escort gave us the volume when we got on the train for the Capitol, already embossed with the Tributes name." Johanna replies.

"Thanks, Jo - you've been a huge help!" I say. "Katniss and I will call later on - and please don't say anything to Katniss about this!"

"I won't," she promises, "But you owe me big time! Talk to you later, Stumpy."

"Bye, Johanna," I say and break the connection. I grab up the volume and start leafing through the papers inside until I find what I'm looking for. A document entitled "Certification of Reaping." There were two - one for me, and one for Prim and Katniss.

I glance at the one for Prim and Katniss. It stated that "Primrose Everdeen, age 12, duly Reaped by Capitol Escort Effie Trinket for the 74th Annual Hunger Games, in accordance with the Laws of Panem and the Treaty of Treason, to be the Female Tribute for District Twelve, has been released from her obligation to serve as Tribute by virtue of the act of a qualified Volunteer coming forth in her place, to wit: Katniss Everdeen, age 16."

More flowery verbiage followed, and a the bottom of the certificate there were three signatures. Effie Trinket, Escort. Haymitch Abernathy, Mentor. I notice that Haymitch's signature was quite shaky - no doubt he was still shaken up by the fall he had taken off of the stage during the Reaping, or by the amount of alcohol he had so obviously consumed beforehand. I'm impressed that he was able to sign at all.

_Someone must have sobered him up pretty quickly,_ I say to myself. I turn my attention to the last signature on the certificate. The Peacekeeper, certifying that all unused Reaping Slips have been incinerated - and I freeze in shock when I see the name.

Darius Potter, Peacekeeper First Class.

Darius - the friendliest Peacekeeper to serve under old Cray. Darius, with his shock of bright red hair, always with a smile on his face. Darius, who would flirt unabashedly with Katniss whenever he ran into her in the Hob.

Darius - struck down by Romulus Thread when he tried to stop Gale Hawthorne's brutal whipping that awful day in the square. Who was promptly arrested, stripped of his title as Peacekeeper, and sentenced to serve the remainder of his life as a mute Avox, his tongue removed as punishment for his insubordination.

Darius - who was assigned to Katniss and I as a servant after we were Reaped for the Quarter Quell, in an obvious attempt to shake us up. And who was repeatedly tortured before my eyes when I was held by the Capitol for those endless weeks following the break out from the arena.

Darius - who finally died while looking me straight in the eye, his eyes filled with defiance and courage.

I shake my head violently and look at the clock. Katniss is due back at any time. I quickly scoop up the Reaping Slips, place them back under their respective leather coverings, and clumsily try to seal the leather shut. I slide the volume back into the chest and shut the lid, locking it securely. I'm certain Katniss won't go in there - she's avoided that box like the plague. I sit back on the couch and turn on the Holo-TV and watch a recap of the singing competition program that Plutarch created - the one he wanted Katniss to participate in.

A short while later, Katniss does come home. She greets me cheerily and tells me how great Rory did with learning how to set traps and snares, and how much trouble he's had in learning the bow.

"I didn't hunt today, and I gave Rory the squirrels and rabbit that the snares caught. I'm going to get with him in a little bit and show him how to clean his game," Katniss says.

"Sounds good," I say, hoping that my voice sounds normal. "Oh, and I talked to Johanna earlier. I was bored so I called her," I lie," and she asked me to call back when you were home so she could talk to you too."

"I'd like that," Katniss says with a smile. "We'll call her after Rory and I are done cleaning his game."

"Good idea," I say, taking her by the hand and pulling her down on the couch with me. She examines my Robo-leg closely.

"It looks the same," she says.

"But it feels soooo much better," I say. "No pain or discomfort. It just doesn't work very well yet."

"I'm so glad," Katniss says softly, snaking her arms around my neck. "I love you, Dandelion."

"I love you, my love," I say huskily, before kissing her deeply.

We kiss for a long time, then Katniss finally pulls back and sighs. "Those squirrels aren't gonna clean themselves. I'll be back in a bit, then we'll call Johanna. Leftover turkey tonight?"

"Sounds great," I say with a smile. Bending down and giving me a quick kiss, she whispers, "Love you," then bounds out the door. I slowly let my breath out, as my gaze falls to the large chest sitting near the couch.

I'll be able to walk more or less normally in a couple of days. When I can walk again, Haymitch will have a lot of explaining to do.

**Hey! Sorry about the long delay between postings! I'm still working on two fics at the same time, so please bear with me! And thanks for reading and reviewing - I hope this story is holding your interest!**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 - SECRETS**

**PART I**

Katniss wordlessly collapses on top of me, making a sound that is a passion bred hybrid of a gasp, a moan, and a sigh of utter contentment. The day ended up hot and humid, as many late spring/early summer days do here in District Twelve. Both of us are liberally coated with a sheen of sweat. I can feel our bare skin sticking together in all of the numerous places where our bodies touch. It feels at once clammy, tacky, and much too warm for such close contact - and I, for one, would not have it any other way.

I feel Katniss shift slightly as she puts her lips to my ear. She wetly kisses my ear for a moment, sending delicious shivers down my spine. I can hear every breath she takes as I lightly run my fingers up and down her back.

"Tell me," she whispers.

Moving her thickening hair to one side, I place my own lips against her ear. "I love you, Katniss Everdeen," I whisper back.

I feel her cheek rise in a smile against my cheek. "I love you, Peeta Mellark," is her reply.

My arms tighten around her as I roll to one side. A small giggle - a sound I never grow tired of hearing from her - escapes her throat as we end up now side by side. I slide my arm out that was under her and, using my fingers, brush damp strands of her hair off of her forehead, even as I feel her own gentle fingers doing the same to my hair. My free hand slides down her side and my fingers find a long, puckered line - her souvenir from that day in District Two when she was shot by an unnamed Peacekeeper. Gently I trace the outline of her healed wound. The few times I've glimpsed it I could see it was still an angry pinkish red. Suddenly I feel her hand close over mine and gently, but firmly, move my fingers away from the scar.

"Peeta...don't...please," Katniss pleads.

"Katniss...it's okay, really," I murmur to her, but I honor her wish and instead intertwine my fingers with hers.

"It's ugly," she whispers. If she had been treated in a Capitol hospital the doctors there would have taken great pains to make the scar invisible. District Thirteen hospitals, however, were known for their efficiency and excellent care - not for aesthetics. Still, Katniss simply wouldn't _be_ Katniss without the myriad scars she carried on her body.

"What did you do with her?" I suddenly ask her teasingly.

"What? Do with who?" Katniss asks in confusion.

"Don't play dumb with me, girl," I say sternly. It's a good thing it's dark in here - otherwise Katniss would be able to see I wasn't able to keep a straight face. "Oh, sure, you may _look_ like Katniss Everdeen, and you may _sound_ like Katniss Everdeen, but _my_ Katniss Everdeen would _never_ be self conscious about a little scar."

"Oh, stop!" She says, smacking me in the shoulder. I can hear the laugh in her voice, though.

_"There's_ my Katniss!" I say emphatically, drawing her close to me for a kiss.

"How can I?" Katniss breathes as our lips part.

"How can you what, my love?" I ask softly.

"Be so lucky," she finishes. "So incredibly lucky - my Dandelion."

In response, I kiss each of the fingers that are still twined with mine. She then draws my hand to her lips and repeats the gesture, kissing each my fingers. Wordlessly, we lay there for a few more minutes, then, with a groan, I reluctantly roll out of bed to stumble to the bathroom. Along the way my foot encounters something warm and furry that hisses indignantly at me.

"Sorry, Buttercup," I mutter, lurching clumsily to the bathroom. Tomorrow will be cane day, and hopefully the day after that will be my "back to normal" day. But for now, I either use the walker or have a wall or piece of convenient furniture to help steady me as I try to walk. I close the bathroom door and, squinting against the light, flick the light switch on. Blearily I examine my face in the bathroom mirror as I run water in the sink. Soaking a washcloth in the cool water, I quickly sponge myself off, pausing to divest myself of what Galen calls "my new best friend." I briefly consider a cool shower or full bath but decide to wait until morning. Grabbing a fresh washcloth and soaking it in the cool water, I allow my thoughts to stray back to those mysterious Reaping Slips that I had found earlier in the day.

_Haymitch definitely has some serious explaining to do,_ I say to myself as I wring the washcloth out. Turning off the light, I open the bathroom door and cautiously make my way back into the bedroom.

I sit on the edge of the bed, running the cool cloth along Katniss's arms and shoulders. With a contented groan, she takes the cloth from my hand after a moment and sponges herself off, then rolls out of bed and into the bathroom. Still self conscious, she waits until the bathroom door is closed before turning the light on. I get out of bed to open the windows wider in the hope of catching an errant breeze, but the moist air flowing through the window is still tepid. Sighing, I return to the bed and roll over on my back as I see the light go off under the bathroom door and then hear the door swing open. I feel the bed give slightly as Katniss joins me.

"I thought about running a nice, cool bath while I was in there," she says softly.

"Why didn't you?" I ask. "I would have joined you," I say teasingly.

Katniss is quiet for long seconds; the only sound in the bedroom is our slow, even breathing. In spite of the oppressive heat in the room, I can feel myself begin to slowly slip into sleep, so it barely registers with me when I feel the bed move as Katniss rolls onto her side.

"I'm sorry," she says in almost a whisper.

"Hmmm? What? Why?" My slumber-bound brain struggles to process her apology - trying to determine just what it is she's sorry for.

"For being so - well - shy with you," she says haltingly. "It's not just that scar from being shot. It's the places where my skin looks funny from being burned, and all the scars on my hands, arms and legs from years of hunting, and - from being so - skinny..." her voice trails off as I turn toward her.

"Katniss," I say in a soft voice. "It's you I love. Every mark on you - every scar - is just another sign of a struggle that you won. And as for being skinny - I remember seeing you on some of the worst hollow days when we were younger - when even on the hottest days you would wear long pants and long sleeved shirts to hide your arms and legs...but you couldn't hide your hands from me." I take both her hands in mine and gently caress her fingers.

"I could see how thin your hands were - how brittle your nails were from not eating well. I could see, when you turned your head and the collar of your shirt would open a bit, how much your collar bones stood out. I could see how sharply your cheek bones had become, how dry your lips looked, how big your eyes looked. How sometimes you would wear a scarf over your hair because you'd lost clumps of it." I pause to kiss her fingers, feeling her hands trembling slightly in mine.

I take a deep, tremulous breath before continuing. "And I was so afraid for you, and I tried _so hard_ to think of ways to sneak food out of the bakery - but after the night with the bread, mother watched me so closely, and every time I thought I could take _just a little_, there she was, watching me - and at night...at night I would curl up in bed and wait for my brothers to go to sleep so I could finally cry from the fear and frustration I felt."

Even now, in remembering, I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Suddenly Katniss lets go of my hands and then I feel her fingers on my face, brushing over my eyes, and I know she can feel the wetness and I let out a small, choking sob, and I hear her make a little sound in her throat too, and my own fingers explore her face and feel her tears also...

"And, that whole time I loved you. I never stopped loving you. So don't think that me seeing a few ribs, some scars, and a sharp hip bone or two will make me feel any differently about you than I have in the past - or do right this minute." I lean forward to kiss her and the kiss she gives me in return is almost indescribable in what it makes me feel.

"I really don't deserve you - and I'm so incredibly happy that you think otherwise," she says between kisses. "I love you so much!"

"I love you, too, my love," I whisper.

**PART II**

I'm dimly aware of some soft sounds in the bedroom as I roll over in bed, still half-asleep. Opening one eye, then the other, I see Katniss getting dressed, moving quickly and quietly about the room. Suddenly she spies me watching her and favors me with a quick smile. I return her smile, loving the way her cheeks dimple when she smiles.

She sits on the edge of the bed, smoothing my hair away from my eyes. "Sorry for waking you," she says softly.

"I was already awake," I lie, examining her clothing. It wasn't what I've come to think of as her "hunting clothes."

"No hunting today?" I ask.

"Rory and I are gonna check the trap and snare lines - then I'm taking him to the pond to start teaching him how to fish," Katniss says, still stroking my hair.

"Ahh, the famous pond - and when are you taking _me_ there, my love?" I ask teasingly.

"Peeta, you know you make too much noise in the forest!" Katniss exclaims.

"I'm not talking about a hunting trip - just a nice day in the woods...you know, just you and I. A picnic, maybe," I say.

A flicker of confusion - and conflict - sweeps across her face. For as long as she can remember, Katniss has always looked at the forest as a place to harvest sustenance. The forest was also her sanctuary - a calming place for her to retreat to when she needed to get away. And she's right - I make _way_ too much noise to be a successful hunter. The few times I was allowed to accompany her I was constantly amazed at how swiftly and quietly she was able to move.

I grasp her hand gently. "Katniss - we don't have to picnic in the forest. We can do something else. We -"

"No, you're right," she says suddenly, in a confident voice. "I mean, I do love you, Peeta - and I want to share things with you - important things in my life. Yes. We'll picnic by the pond. Soon," she adds with a smile, then leans down to kiss me.

She straightens up quickly. "I need to get moving," she says. "I'm surprised Rory isn't already -" Katniss never finishes her thought as we both hear an impatient knocking at the door.

"That's gotta be Rory. I won't be back until the afternoon - we're getting a late start as it is and the pond is a bit of a hike." Katniss gives me a quick kiss and bounds out of the room. "Love you, Dandelion!"

"Katniss, wait!" I gasp, rolling clumsily out of bed and pulling on a pair of shorts. I scan around the room until I spot my cane. Grabbing it, I cautiously make my way out of the room and slowly descend the stairs.

Katniss is tearing around the kitchen, grabbing her game bag and filling her water bottle, as Rory stands by, watching her with a bemused expression on his face.

"Morning, Rory," I greet him.

"Morning, Peeta. Is she _always_ like this in the morning?" Rory asks with a grin. Katniss overhears him and shoots us both a baleful glance.

I chuckle as I enter the kitchen. Grabbing two paper bags, I busy myself with filling them with a variety of breads for the two of them. I hand both bags to Katniss, who shoves them in her game bag with a grateful expression. She gives me a quick kiss, murmurs, "Love you," and turns to leave.

I toss Rory a cheese bun. Katniss catches the movement out of the corner of her eye and whirls around. I know cheese buns are her absolute favorite and I'm sure she's wondering why Rory and not her, so when she opens her mouth to protest I immediately fill it with a cheese bun of her own.

Katniss's expression turns immediately beatific as she bites into the bread, then turns for a last time as she and Rory walk out the door, still munching their breakfast. As the door closes I chuckle as I turn to heat up some water for tea.

The quiet of the house brings yesterday's mysterious discovery back to the forefront of my mind. Those mysterious Reaping Slips, and the cryptic notes and Mockingjay pin drawings - all of which were in the leather bound volume from the Games that Katniss and I were Victors in - raised more questions in my mind.

I carry my tea and then a plate with a couple of warm cheese buns into the living room, as always walking deliberately with my cane. I settle in on the couch and open up Haymitch's chest, then pull out the 74th Games volume again.

I leaf through several pages of notes that Haymitch had taken, starting with the train trip from the district to the Capitol. I find notes that he took after our first conversation - when I insisted on cleaning him up alone after he literally vomited on himself - that he must have written after I left him in his sleeping berth that night.

I read: "Had a talk with PM after he cleaned me up. Good kid. Starry eyed in love with KE. Made me promise to do everything I could to make sure she wins. Crazy kid."

What made me look closer at these notes were not the words, but the small, surprisingly neat doodles he made. After the letters "KE" was another small doodle of the Mockingjay pin - and after the letters "PM" was a doodle of a hand, palm forward and fingers pointing up, with the thumb and little finger folded across the palm so just three fingers remained straight.

The same sign that all of us assembled in the square that day - Primrose Square now - the same sign we made to Katniss when she volunteered from Prim. The old gesture of respect, love, and goodbye to someone you cherish.

I sigh heavily and take a sip of tea. So, he had already written me off. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised - after all, I had come to him and stated that my goal was to die so that Katniss would live. I leaf through some more pages, finding one more notation - "FIGHTERS!" I recognize that one - after I smacked the glass from his hand and he decked me in return, Katniss had shown him her skill with a knife, and he was more impressed when he saw how adept she was at throwing knives as well. It was then that he pledged to remain sober enough to help us both in the Games - which, to me, meant he would help Katniss, and help me help Katniss as well.

I close the volume with a thump. I decide that I can't wait any longer. Tomorrow is too far away. Leg or no leg, I need to talk to Haymitch - today.

Going into the study, I pick up the phone and punch in Haymitch's code. I hear it ring once, twice, three times, and finally it's answered halfway through the fourth ring.

"Abernathy residence," a woman's rich voice answers.

"Sae? It's Peeta," I reply.

"Peeta? Why are you calling? You're right next - oh, your leg! Do you need something? I can -"

"No, no! I'm fine, really! I just need to talk to Haymitch - he's there, right?" I say quickly.

"At his usual perch," Sae says, "Passed out as usual. Hang on, let me get him."

In the background I hear shouting, then some other noises I can't identify, then a sound like the phone was dropped on the floor. Finally, after much fumbling around, I hear a familiar voice.

"What?" Haymitch growls.

"It's Peeta. I need to talk to you," I say quickly.

"I know who it is, kid. So talk. I'm awake now, you know."

"Not on the phone," I say. "Can you come over?"

"Why the hell can't you come - oh, never mind. Galen fix your leg?" Haymitch asks.

"Yes, but I still need a cane at least through to tomorrow," I reply. "Can you come over?" I say again, impatiently.

I hear Haymitch mutter some obscenities under his breath. "This can't wait?"

"No," I say firmly, "it can't. Haymitch, please - it's important."

"Shit. Okay, fine. Be there in a few." He breaks the connection without another word. Now I sit and wait - and, for the first time, begin to wonder if I really want to know the truth.

**PART III**

Haymitch arrives ten minutes later, barging through the front door without knocking, as usual. I'm in the living room, but when I hear him enter I haul myself to my feet and limp into the entryway.

"This way," I say, inclining my head towards the study. Haymitch arches his eyebrows but remains silent as he follows me into the study.

In the study, I take a seat behind the desk. The very desk, and the very chair, that President Coriolanus Snow sat in the morning of the start of our Victory Tour, over a year and a half ago. The same place where he sat and, in his polite, refined manner, threatened Katniss's family, as well as the Hawthorne family, with death if Katniss failed to cooperate with him in quelling the burgeoning uprisings springing up all over Panem.

I had thought that the ghosts of the previous government, and the Games that they so enthusiastically supported, were gone - until my discovery yesterday. My eyes fall to the volume on the desk, and to Haymitch, now sitting expectantly on the chair in front of the desk, eyeing the volume with suspicion.

Haymitch finally breaks the silence. "You have some questions - about this?" He asks, pointing to the volume.

"Yes," I manage to croak out, my throat suddenly tight. "I do." My voice sounds utterly formal. I remind myself that I'm speaking to a friend. I just hope he's still a friend after we're done.

"Well - go ahead," Haymitch says. "Ask away."

"Haymitch, I - that is to say, there's some...I mean, I found -" I struggle to find the right words. Words rarely fail me - but today they do. So, with trembling hands, I reach forward, opening the volume cover, and carefully peel back the leather to reveal the Reaping Slips. Removing the Slips, I close the volume and repeat the process with the back cover. I glance at Haymitch. His face is impassive.

I sit back, waiting for a response from him. His face is a mask - perhaps slightly paler than before - but that just could be a trick of the light. But still, he remains stonily silent.

Finally, I ask the question. "Are these," I begin, indicating the Slips on the desk, "what I think they are?"

Haymitch's head nods up and down, slowly, once. "Yes," he says quietly.

"And even the unopened ones - they all say the same thing?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"They do," he replies. "To be honest, Peeta - I never expected you to start ripping my books apart."

"It was - an accident," I explain, as I tell him what had happened the day before. As I talk, Haymitch nods his head thoughtfully.

"I almost didn't give you this one," he admits. "But I figured it would look pretty funny if you had all my books except yours. Truthfully, I figured you'd never even look at it."

"I almost didn't," I say. "But I got curious."

"And now you want answers," Haymitch says. I nod.

"Yes. I do." I say tightly.

"I owe that to you, at least," he says sadly.

"So?" I ask, indicating the book and the Slips.

Haymitch leans back in his chair and stares at the slips for a moment before replying. "Peeta - you and Prim were set up. Every Slip in the Boy's Bowl had your name on it. Every Slip in the Girl's Bowl had Prim's name on it."

Suddenly, there's a roaring in my ears and the light in the room is suddenly too bright. My chest constricts and I suddenly can't catch my breath. As if from far away I hear Haymitch's voice call my name as I desperately fumble at the box in my shirt pocket. With shaking fingers I manage to snap the box open. I catch a glimpse of Haymitch, now looking very far away, as I pop the cap off the end of the auto injector and stab it into my thigh. Almost immediately I'm aware of a cool blackness descending on me as the drug floods my system and fights off my seizure. I collapse back in the chair and allow myself to slip into darkness.

**PART IV**

I slowly slip back into consciousness. I first become aware of birds - Mockingjays, actually - singing outside the window, followed by the feathery brush of a breeze against my face. My eyes flutter open and I blink a few times, trying to focus on - Haymitch. We're still in the study, and I'm still in the same chair I was before. He's standing near my chair, watching me intently.

"Haymitch?" I manage to croak.

"You okay, kid?" He asks as he moves a little closer to me.

I run a shaking hand through my hair. Haymitch bends down and picks something up off the floor next to my chair, and sets the item on the desk. I glance down at it. The auto injector.

"How...how long was I out?" I ask.

"Five minutes, maybe. You okay?" he asks again.

I hesitate for a moment before answering. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay now."

Haymitch inclines his head towards the spent auto injector. "Nice to know that those things actually work. Didn't know it would put you out, though," he says.

"Neither did I," I reply, wracking my brain, trying to remember if Galen said anything about the medication actually putting me out. I make a note to ask him about it the first chance I get.

"Kid, maybe now isn't the best time to do this," Haymitch says.

I shake my head. "No. I'm fine now. I need some answers. And, like it or not, you're gonna give them to me. Now, not later. You set us up, Haymitch. You owe me."

"Whoa, wait a minute. I never said that I set you up. I said that you _were_ set up. I was not happy with the idea _at all_!" Haymitch says in protest.

I feel anger welling up inside me. Anger and - betrayal. I knew that feeling betrayed didn't make any sense - after all, Haymitch didn't really know either Prim or myself before the Reaping. My only dealings with him were helping him at the bakery every so often when he would buy bread. But still - dammit, he should have said _something_!

I sigh. _Well, _I say to myself, _this isn't the first time he's kept something from me._ Idly I pick up one of the opened Slips with my name printed neatly on the inside, then toss it back on the desk.

"Haymitch, I need to know. I have a _right_ to know! Someone decided that Prim and I needed to die! And for what?" I shout.

Haymitch leans back in his chair. "It's a long story," he says.

"Katniss won't be back until late this afternoon," I say. "We have time."

"Are you...are you - gonna tell her?" Haymitch asks.

I hesitate for a moment. Am I going to tell her? I mentioned nothing to her the day before about finding the Reaping Slips. Katniss and I have both kept things from each other in the past - but things between us have changed - for the better. We're growing closer with each passing day. She loves me. It wouldn't be right to keep _anything_ from her - not now. But still -

"I don't know," I reply. "It depends on what you have to say."

Haymitch lets out a sigh. "Fair enough. But I guarantee you won't like what you're about to hear."

"I figured that," I snap. "Start talking."

Haymitch hesitates for a moment before he starts to talk. "It all began with my first games as a Mentor -"

**Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I realized that Haymitch's story is an entire chapter by itself! And I'm really trying to stay away from overly lengthy chapters, but I promise that I will post Haymitch's story ASAP! Thanks for reading and please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15 - REVELATIONS**

**HAYMITCH**

"It all began with my first Games as a Mentor," I say, eying Peeta warily. I can tell that the kid is really angry with my revelation about he and Prim being deliberately Reaped.

I guess I should be thankful that whatever he had to inject himself with during his hijacking seizure must also have some sort of sedative in it as well - otherwise I have the feeling that I'd be spitting out teeth right about now.

"Go on," Peeta says coldly. I desperately want a drink right about now - but I'm gonna need a clear head for this. How could I be so stupid as to leave those damn Slips in the leather binding? I take a deep breath before continuing.

"I was seventeen. I had no one to help me with what was expected of me as a Mentor. The Escort for District Twelve at the time - well, she was all but useless. Chomping at the bit to get assigned to a better district. Not helpful like Effie was. And when Josiah and Antonia were Reaped, I knew it was gonna be bad. I knew both of them - went to school with them. Here they were expecting me to help them - and I didn't know what I was doing!" I pause for a moment. Even after twenty five years it's still painful to think about.

"I read a little about them," Peeta says. "They were both killed early on."

"Yeah, well, that comes later," I say. "I spend the entire train trip trying to learn as much as I can about what I'm expected to do. I'd been sent what they laughingly call a 'Mentor's Guide' about a month before the Reaping, but it seemed mostly devoted to advertising space on the best places for Mentors to spend their money. It was only after I got on the train and the Escort handed me the Games Volume that I started getting some useful info."

"Still, that barely scratched the surface," I continue, "So when we got to the Capitol, and the Prep Teams whisked Josiah and Antonia away, I'm standing there wondering what to do next, when this young Capitolite kid, maybe my age, maybe a little older, comes up to me and tells me he's a Trainee Gamemaker and has been assigned by the Head Gamemaker to help me out and make sure I got to everywhere I needed to be. You know him - his name is Plutarch Heavensbee."

At the sound of Plutarch's name I see Peeta's eyes narrow a bit. I know that there's no love lost between Peeta and Plutarch.

"Anyway, Plutarch must have done some research on me. He knew about my love for reading, and my fondness for history. So he hinted around that he would try to get me access to the Capitol Main Library while I was there. He took me to my first official function as a Mentor - the Remake Center Mentor's Meeting. It wasn't so much an official meeting as it was a place to stash the Mentors while their Tributes were being worked on in the Remake Center. But Plutarch introduced me to several of the other Mentors that were there - Beetee from Three, Mags from Four, Blight from Seven, Woof from Eight, and of course Seeder and Chaff from Eleven. I didn't realize it at the time but he made it a point to _not_ introduce me to anyone from Districts One, Two, or Five. You recognize all those names, kid. Any significance to them?" I watch Peeta closely. I can almost see the light go on over his head as what I just told him sinks in.

"They were all involved in the Rebellion," he says in almost a whisper.

I nod. "Every one of them. Plutarch too, of course, although I didn't know it until much later on. He knew about my own troubles, of course - what with my mother, brother, and girl being killed by the Capitol. Remember how I told you that they were killed in retaliation for me using the force field around the arena as a weapon?" Peeta nods in response.

"Well - that was part of it. Snow was furious with my little trick - he really hated it when Tributes from outer districts won the Games - but what really did it for me was my attitude. I was arrogant...defiant. Coriolanus Snow wanted his Victors to be completely and utterly subservient to him. I wouldn't play along - I figured that, as a Victor, I was untouchable. I was right - to an extent. Snow had everyone that I love killed instead. Plutarch knew all about that - and he knew about my run ins that I had with our Peacekeepers as well. Plutarch thought that I was a good recruit for the Rebellion, but he had to make sure." I glance at Peeta and see a look of confusion on his face.

"Wait a minute," he says, "Plutarch was what, seventeen - maybe eighteen - at this time? And he was already in charge of the Rebellion?"

I shake my head. "I never said that," I explain. "He was _part_ of the Rebellion. He knew a lot. But there were others above him that were in charge. Plutarch was smart - even then. Over the years he moved up the ladder until he was the highest ranking Capitolite involved in the Rebellion."

"Anyway," I continue, "Mags, Seeder and Chaff took me under their wing and helped me learn my duties as Mentor - and Chaff took me out after I lost both Josiah and Antonia and helped me get totally shitfaced drunk. Along the way, one or more of the Rebel Mentors must have told Plutarch that I was a good candidate. He took me to the Library and for a few days I spent as much time as possible in there. I didn't realize it until much later that he was steering me towards the histories and biographies of some very specific people: George Washington, Simon Bolivar, Mohandas Gandhi, Vladimir Lenin, and Ho Chi Minh, among others."

Peeta is looking at me with a blank stare. The names mean nothing to him.

"Have you ever heard of any of these people?" I ask.

"That George guy sounds familiar," Peeta says hesitantly.

"Before the Catastrophes, they were all, at different times in history, Rebels. Plutarch was sending me a message with these people. But it was years before I really understood how deeply he - and all the other Rebel Mentors - were involved in the new Rebellion."

"So what does all this have to do with me - or with Prim?" Peeta asks sharply.

"I'm getting to that," I reply. "The Rebellion was mostly made up of regular district residents. People associated with either the Games or Capitol citizens were rare. So, I wasn't the only one here in Twelve that was active in the Rebellion. And no, before you even ask the question, no one in your family was involved. Neither was anyone in the Everdeen family."

"I'm even more confused," Peeta says. "If no one in either family was involved - why deliberately Reap either Prim or me?"

"With each passing year, the Rebellion was able to add more and more recruits to its ranks. Some were high profile, like Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason. But most were just regular folks, sick to death of the Capitol's iron fist crushing Panem. By the 73rd Games, we were as ready as we would ever be with regards to both manpower and weapons. But still we waited." I pause for a moment to catch my breath.

"What were you waiting for?" Peeta asks.

"Kid, do you know why the First Rebellion failed, back during the Dark Days?" I ask.

"Because - well, the Rebels attacked the Capitol but were stopped in the mountain passes, and -"

"Yeah, that's where they lost the last battle," I say impatiently, "But they lost the war because the districts weren't unified! Districts One and Two were fighting on the side of the Capitol! Hell, District Twelve was hardly even involved, other than moral support. District Thirteen was the only district that was fully committed to the fight, and you see what happened to them. Oh, sure, now we know about the 'negotiated cease fire' between the Capitol and Thirteen - but they still took a worse beating than every other district in Panem combined! Districts Three and Seven also took a beating because the assaults on the Capitol were launched from those districts. But every district had their own plan, their own troops, and their own generals - and no one bothered to coordinate anything with anyone outside their own district! _That's_ why they failed!"

"That's all very fascinating," Peeta says sarcastically, "But once again - how do Prim and I play into this?"

"At the 73rd Games, Plutarch spoke with each of the Rebel Mentors in private," I explain, "And told us that everything was in place - except that _this_ time, we needed a unifying rallying symbol - something that each district could recognize and rally behind. The Rebellion had started using the Mockingjay as their symbol for over twenty years by then - but they needed a real Mockingjay as a rallying point."

"Wait a minute," Peeta says suddenly. "Didn't your ally - wasn't she the original owner of the Mockingjay pin?"

"Maysilee Donner," I say, nodding. "Her family owned the sweet shop. She was Una Everdeen's best friend back then. A Merchant girl with only five Slips in the Reaping Bowl - and somehow she gets Reaped."

"Haymitch, do you think that they -" Peeta begins, but I finish for him.

"- Reaped her deliberately? Absolutely. I hardly knew Maysilee before our Reaping Day, but I did know that she was somewhat - outspoken - in her criticism of the Capitol. So somewhere, someone decided that a little Punitive Reaping was in order - both to shut her up and to send a message."

"But - are you sure? I mean, that was the Quarter Quell - they took _two _female and male Tributes that year from each district, instead of one. How could they make sure to Reap her and then pull another name out at random?" Peeta asks.

"Watch the video sometime, kid. Maysilee was the first one Reaped. Our esteemed Escort took a Reaping Slip _right off the top of the pile_. Then, for number two, she shoved her hand in the bowl to the very bottom. You can bet that every slip on top had Maysilee's name on it. Plus, I double checked with Plutarch much later on - he confirmed it. She was Punitively Reaped. And her district token was the famous Mockingjay pin." I suddenly feel very, very tired...dredging up old memories that I've gone to great lengths to bury was taking its toll on me.

"But still - she could've won," Peeta says. "She did make it to fifth place, after all."

"Kid, there's no way they were gonna let her win," I say tiredly. "Yeah, fifth place - and not five minutes after she and I split up the Gamemakers sent mutt birds to kill her."

Peeta sits quietly, shaking his head in disbelief. Well, he wanted the truth and the whole story. I just wonder if he can really handle the whole, unvarnished, ugly truth.

"So, you want to know the story behind your Reaping - here it is," I say, and begin to tell the tale.

**DISTRICT TWELVE - 73RD HUNGER GAMES VICTORY TOUR**

_The man walks along the dimly lit streets of District Twelve, wincing at the sound of each footfall crunching the snow under his feet. To his heightened senses, it seemed as though every Peacekeeper in the district was listening to him walk, chuckling to themselves as they wait for just the right moment to reveal themselves to him. His gait, though swift, was slightly unsteady. His breath hangs in white clouds around his head as he walks through the building snowstorm. His destination is straight ahead. _

_Taking a deep breath, the man steels himself as he closes the gap between himself and the building straight ahead. As he reaches the near corner he quickly veers to the side, following the side of the building until he reaches its rear, then turns again, following the wall to a small door set into the back wall. The door is labeled "Staff Entrance." _

_At the door the man pauses for a moment, his fist clenched and raised to knock. It's still not too late to turn around and go home. Even though it's after curfew, and he definitely was _not_ invited to the festivities even now taking place inside the very building that he now stood outside, he did, after all, enjoy a unique status not shared by any other resident of the district. So, if a Peacekeeper happened to stumble on him out at this time of night, chances are he would simply be escorted home and warned about breaking curfew, rather then end up in lockup._

_The man thinks back to the visitor he had earlier that day. His visitor - a man roughly his own age, of nondescript features, and somewhat heavy set - had not stayed long. They had exchanged wary pleasantries and chatted for a few minutes about the upcoming 74th Annual Hunger Games, before the visitor, citing another engagement, quickly took his leave. But as they shook hands the visitor pressed a small slip of paper into the man's hand. Once the man was alone again, he opened up the paper to find a one line note:_

**8 P.M. - JB Staff Entrance - P.**

_Muttering curses under his breath, the man taps quietly on the door with his clenched fist. The knocking has a definite pattern to it, and as soon as his hand falls to his side, the door opens a crack._

_"Who is it?" queries a female voice._

_"President Coriolanus Snow - who the hell do you think it is? Let me in, Fulvia - I'm freezing my ass off out here!" the man snaps - albeit quietly._

_"I didn't think alcohol froze," the woman says sarcastically. The door opens wider, allowing the man entrance. Quickly he steps inside, stomping his feet to free them of the accumulated snow and vigorously brushing his dark, shaggy hair - already starting to go gray, making the man look older than his forty years - with his fingers, sending a mini blizzard of snowflakes toward the floor. Quickly he removes his coat and looks inquiringly at the woman._

_"This way," she says and, without waiting to see if the man is following her, walks from the darkened foyer to a short hallway. She turns down the hallway and stops at a door at the very end. She opens the door without knocking and gestures for the man to enter._

_The man walks into what is obviously a small conference room. A table sits in the middle of the room, surrounded by chairs. In one of the chairs, the man's visitor sits, examining a document in front of him._

_"Where's the other one?" the man at the table asks, never looking up from the paper in his hand._

_"Not here yet," the woman - Fulvia - answers. She's a plain, businesslike woman of about the same age as the two men in the room._

_"Go back and wait for our other guest, please, Fulvia - and bring our guest back the second our guest arrives," the man at the table orders. Fulvia nods once, turns, and is gone, closing the door behind her._

_The man at the table indicates a chair. "Sit," he says quietly. The man remains standing._

_"What 'other one,' Plutarch?" the standing man asks, glaring at the seated man._

_"Haymitch, please sit down," the seated man - Plutarch - says again. The other man - Haymitch - hesitates briefly, then pulls out a chair. He sits warily, never taking his eyes off of Plutarch._

_Plutarch chuckles softly. "Relax, Haymitch. I'm beginning to think that you don't trust me or something."_

_"I don't," Haymitch says bluntly. He looks all around the room, then back at Plutarch._

_"It's clean," Plutarch assures him. "Fulvia swept it not fifteen minutes before you arrived."_

_"In that case, talk. What the hell's this all about?" Haymitch asks._

_Plutarch raises his hand, palm out. "I'll explain after we're all here." he says._

_Haymitch opens his mouth to reply, but the words remain unspoken. The door opens again and Fulvia wordlessly ushers 'the other guest' inside. Haymitch turns and his eyes widen in surprise, but he says nothing. Plutarch rises from his chair, followed somewhat tardily by Haymitch._

_"You're late. Please sit," Plutarch says, indicating a vacant chair, as he and Haymitch both returned to their seats. The new arrival takes the chair next to Haymitch and sits. Haymitch notices that Fulvia has once again left the room, closing the door behind her._

_"I'm sorry," the newcomer says, nodding towards Haymitch. "I was unavoidably detained. My father needed a little help."_

_"No matter," Plutarch says with a dismissive wave of his hand. "We don't have much time. Let's get started."_

_"Everything's in place," Plutarch begins without preamble. "Every district - including One and Two this time - has a solid Rebel cadre, with weapons, leadership, and the ability to recruit new members. We're just lacking in one key area. Our symbol."_

_"Your 'Mockingjay?'" Haymitch asks sarcastically. The newcomer looks at him sharply._

_Plutarch ignores the interruption. "The Dark Days Rebellion failed because there was no unity among the districts. Thirteen is strong, and can match the Capitol in weapons technology, but their numbers are limited. We had all agreed that we needed a symbol - a living Mockingjay, if you will - for the other Rebel districts to rally behind. It's fortunate for me that Seneca Crane doesn't care for travel, otherwise he may have gone on this Victory Tour instead of his Deputy Head Gamemaker - me."_

_"So why aren't you enjoying the festivities?" Haymitch asks._

_"I made my appearance, performed my official duties, and excused myself to attend to 'pressing Games business.'" Plutarch replies with a smile. "Just as I'll do in each of the Rebel districts. That's the whole purpose of this meeting - each district needs to provide us with a Mockingjay candidate - if one such exists in that district, of course."_

_"You're wasting your time here," Haymitch growls. "You're talking about District Twelve! Two Victors - _TWO_ - in the last seventy three years! Assuming, of course, that you want your 'Mockingjay' to be a Games Victor?"_

_"That would be desirable, yes," Plutarch says thoughtfully, "But a Tribute at the very least. This Rebellion is, after all, as much about the injustice of the Games as it's about overthrowing Snow's tyranny."_

_"Again, Plutarch, you're spinning your wheels here. I don't know if you noticed or not, but my Tributes have been anything but 'inspirationa!'" Haymitch says in disgust._

_"That's where I come in," the newcomer says quietly._

_Haymitch snorts. "You? And what're you gonna do come next Reaping, Maysilee? Volunteer?"_

_"It's Madge, Mr. Abernathy. Madge Undersee. Maysilee Donner is - was - my aunt." Madge replies firmly, glaring at Haymitch. "And yes, I'll volunteer if it comes to that -" at this Haymitch snorts again -"but I don't think it will. I have an idea."_

_"Little girl, this ain't no game we're playing here. This - this is _HIGH TREASON_! If we're caught, we'd be _lucky_ to face hanging or a firing squad - at least they're quick! We're not playing around here - and neither is the Capitol!" Haymitch says angrily._

_Madge looks at Haymitch for a long minute before replying. "No. No, I know we're not playing around here - and I know that the Capitol is not, either. Mr. Abernathy, believe it or not, my mother - when she's lucid, anyway - speaks very highly of you. She talks about how you and my Aunt Maysilee were allies during the Games - and how you held her hand and stayed with her until she died. My mother knew that my aunt was active in the Rebellion, and I'm sure she suspects the same of me. Mr. Abernathy, my aunt wanted what I want - what we all want - a free and just Panem. I think it's worth fighting - and even dying - for. Do you?"_

_Haymitch looks at Madge thoughtfully before replying. "Yes. Yes I do. Okay, Sweetheart. It's your funeral."_

_"Miss Undersee, let's hear your idea," Plutarch urges quietly._

_"Mr. Heavensbee, I assume that you want your Mockingjay to come from the ranks of the Tributes?" Madge asks._

_Plutarch nods. "Yes, of course."_

_Madge continues, "And you're planning on 'fixing' the Reaping to insure that your Mockingjay candidate is Reaped?"_

_Plutarch shoots a look at Haymitch before replying. "Yes. If need be."_

_Haymitch snorts loudly in disgust. Madge ignores him and continues on. From a pocket she pulls out a small photograph and lays it on the table._

_"Here's your female Tribute." she says simply._

_Haymitch stares in disbelief at the photo. Plutarch picks it up, examines it, then deliberately lays it back on the table._

_"Miss Undersee, we're being serious. Is this some kind of a joke?" he asks angrily._

_"Believe me, Mr. Heavensbee - it's no joke. If you want your Mockingjay, you need to Reap this girl." Madge replies._

_Plutarch shakes his head. "What's her name?" he asks wearily._

_"Primrose," Madge says. "Primrose Everdeen."_

**73RD ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES VICTORY TOUR - DISTRICT TWELVE - JUSTICE BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM "C"**

_Haymitch slams his hand on the table. "Are you serious? She's what, twelve? And _she's _supposed to be the 'Mockingjay?'"_

_"Not her. And she's eleven. The next Reaping will be her first. This is the girl that we want," Madge says, as she places another picture on the table. "Katniss Everdeen. Her sister."_

_"Okay, you lost me," Haymitch says. "We want the older Everdeen girl - so we Reap her little sister? Why not just Reap - what's her name again? Katniss? Reap her directly?"_

_"I think I know where Miss Undersee is going with this," Plutarch says. "Please continue."_

_Madge is silent for a moment and both men see that she's fighting back tears. She makes a visible effort to maintain her composure before she speaks again._

_"I - I'm sorry," she stammers. "It's just that - Katniss - she's the closest thing I have to a best friend."_

With friends like you, who needs enemies? _Haymitch says to himself, but keeps his face impassive._

_"Do you need a moment, Miss Undersee?" Plutarch asks gently. _

_"No," Madge says firmly. "And to answer your question, Mr. Abernathy - we Reap Primrose - 'Prim' to her friends and family - because then Katniss will volunteer for her."_

_"And _that's_ your grand plan? Sweetheart, here's a news flash for you - District Twelve has _never_ had a volunteer. _EVER._ How are you so sure that she'll be the first?" Haymitch exclaims._

_"I know Katniss as well as anyone could know her," Madge says quietly. "She loves Primrose - more than life itself. I _know_ she'll volunteer for her!"_

_"Miss Undersee," Plutarch says, "Reapings are stressful for everyone. People have been known to faint when they hear a loved one's name called. How will she volunteer if she faints?"_

_Madge takes a deep breath. "If that happens - I'll volunteer," she says in a firm voice._

_"Oh, this just keeps getting better and better," Haymitch says with a humorless laugh. "You? Sweetheart, you'd be lucky to survive the bloodbath!"_

_"Mr. Abernathy, you've no idea _what_ I can or can't do - but it's moot, anyway - there's no way Katniss won't volunteer," Madge says confidently._

_"Miss Undersee - I can see where her volunteering out of love for her sister would make an impression, considering that the last Non-Career volunteer was some twenty-eight years ago. But how will she do in the arena? I mean, she looks pretty small," Plutarch says._

_"Katniss Everdeen will be Victor," Madge says with conviction._

_"She's Seam, right?" Haymitch asks. Madge nods. "I thought so. If she makes it a day it'll be a freakin' miracle!"_

_"She hunts," Madge says quietly._

_"Come again?" Plutarch asks._

_"She hunts. In the forest. With Gale - with another Seam boy." Madge explains._

_"How does that -" Plutarch begins, but Haymitch interrupts, snapping his fingers._

_"The Hob," he says suddenly, then, "It's kind of an unofficial marketplace for the 'less affluent' here in Twelve."_

_"A black market, then," Plutarch says. "What's that got to do with this?"_

_"The Everdeen girl sells her kills - some of them, anyway - in the Hob. Squirrel, rabbit, beaver, even wild turkey. I hear she can shoot," Haymitch says._

_"If you get Katniss a bow, she'll be unstoppable," Madge says. "She brings down squirrels with a shot to the eye at twenty meters, and hits rabbits at full run from the same distance. Plus, she can live off the land for days with no problem. If she has a bow, she _will_ be Victor!"_

_"And therein lies the problem. Getting her the bow." Haymitch grumbles._

_"Miss Undersee, I'm afraid I share Haymitch's - Mr. Abernathy's - skepticism regarding this young lady being able to fight her way through the bloodbath to get to a bow. I can make sure that there is a bow - but the launch positions are drawn at random once the Tributes arrive at the arena. She could be five meters from the bow - or fifty." Plutarch leans back in his chair and rubs his chin thoughtfully._

_"I've thought of that. She'll need an ally right from the start. Someone that will look out for her no matter what." Madge produces a third picture and lays it on the table. "Peeta Mellark. You Reap him and he will do everything in his power to make sure she wins."_

_Haymitch squints at the picture. "I've seen her with a boy at times in the Hob - but this is a Merchant boy. Her friend is definitely from the Seam."_

_Madge nods. "Gale Hawthorne. He hunts and traps with Katniss. He's almost as good with a bow as she is."_

_"Then why do you want to take this kid - Peety? Sounds like the Hawthorne kid would be a much better fit for her." Haymitch exclaims._

_"It's Pee-TA. I thought of Gale. He's strong, smart, and knows the woods as well as Katniss. But he supports his mother, sister, and two brothers. In the end he'll look out for himself, not Katniss." Madge says._

_"So - he wins instead of her. _HE_ can be the 'Mockingjay." Haymitch reasons._

_Plutarch shakes his head. "No - if she's the one, and I'm beginning to think she is, she will be the Mockingjay - either as a live Victor or as a martyred Tribute. Either way, her story will be incredibly compelling. A poor outer district girl is the first from her district to volunteer as Tribute - out of love for her sister, no less. _Every _eye in Panem will be on her! However, Miss Undersee, why do you think this Mellark boy will help her?"_

_"Gentlemen, I have three friends in this entire district. Delly Cartwright - who's friends with everyone - Katniss Everdeen, and Peeta Mellark." Madge pauses for a moment and quickly dabs at her eyes before continuing in a trembling voice. "The fact that I'm willing to offer up my two best friends for Reaping should tell you just how important this is to me. And to answer your question, Mr. Heavensbee, Peeta Mellark will do anything, including die, to keep Katniss safe. He's been in love with her since they were five years old."_

_"So, we're hinging the success or failure of the _ENTIRE_ rebellion on a schoolboy crush," Haymitch says in disgust._

_"Mr. Abernathy, it goes a lot deeper than that. This boy has taken beatings because of his feelings for her. He's the only ally that she could have that will be loyal to her to the very end!" The tears were running freely down Madge's face as she spoke._

_"Do you think that his feelings truly run deep enough to help the Everdeen girl, no matter what?" Plutarch asks gently._

_Madge wipes at her eyes furiously with the sleeve of her coat, and hesitates before giving her answer. "I'm positive."_

_"He's Liam Mellark's boy! He works in a _bakery_! How is _that_ supposed to give him any skills that he'll need in the arena?" Haymitch asks._

_"Have you ever seen him work, Mr. Abernathy?" Madge asks. "In the square? Lugging huge sacks of flour? He's _strong_, Mr. Abernathy! Plus, he placed second in wrestling at the school. That has to count for something!"_

_"Physical strength and fighting ability are valuable assets, Haymitch," Plutarch says thoughtfully. Haymitch simply grunts in response._

_"And if on the chance that the Everdeen girl can't, or won't, volunteer?" Plutarch asks Madge._

_"Then I will," Madge says firmly. "You'll have your Mockingjay, Mr. Heavensbee - either as a live Victor or as a dead Tribute."_

_"Let's hope it doesn't come to your volunteering, Miss Undersee," Plutarch says grimly. "Because, if you do, we will have just Reaped this Peeta Mellark for nothing." Plutarch scoops up the photographs of Primrose, Katniss, and Peeta off the table. "May I keep these?"_

_"Certainly," Madge says. "I'm afraid I have to leave. My father will start to wonder if I'm gone too long."_

_"Of course," Plutarch says. "Just one more thing. The pin?"_

_"I'll wear it on Reaping Day. If you decide that Katniss is the one, I'll see her during Visiting Hour - I am her...friend...after all - and give the pin to her, and ask her to wear it as her District Token." Madge says._

_"Oh, great!" Haymitch sputters. "Why not just have her wear a "I'm the Mockingjay" sign? Snow's not stupid - he may be insane but he's as smart as they come! If she - or you, for that matter, Sweetheart - show up at the Remake Center wearing that beacon he'll know right away what it means! I'm sure Capitol Intelligence is aware of the Rebellion's use of the Mockingjay symbol!"_

_"Haymitch, calm down," Plutarch says tiredly. "That pin will not do anything more than raise an eyebrow or two. Stop worrying."_

_Haymitch grumbles but says nothing else. "Goodnight, Miss Undersee," Plutarch says, extending his hand, "And thank you."_

_"It's Madge," she says, taking his hand._

_"Plutarch," he says, releasing her hand. _

_"Goodnight, Plutarch," Madge says, then turns to Haymitch. "I'll see you around - Haymitch." Madge turns and leaves the room quickly, shutting the door firmly behind her. Both men stand for a moment until her footsteps fade, then Haymitch turns to Plutarch._

_"Please, please tell me you're not seriously considering her idea!" Haymitch pleads._

_"On the contrary, I'm about ninety percent sure right now that I'm going to follow her suggestions," Plutarch says. "I just can't see us getting any better candidates from the other Rebel districts. But, I'll take a look at the others if there are any, and I'll send you a message once I return to the Capitol."_

_"This whole thing reeks, Plutarch. I want to go on record as stating that I oppose this whole scheme. It's bad enough to have to watch two kids chosen at random die every year - but this! This makes me wanna puke!" Haymitch spits._

_"Your objection is noted, Haymitch," Plutarch says softly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some more work to do - and the Victors banquet should be winding down soon. Goodnight, Haymitch." Plutarch indicates the door. Haymitch exits first, followed by Plutarch. Fulvia falls in with them as they walk down the corridor, firmly taking Haymitch's arm and guiding him toward the same door he came through earlier. Wordlessly, she waits as he puts on his coat and gloves, then holds the door open for him. _

_The door slams shut as soon as Haymitch is through. Shivering against the cold, he starts his long, lonely walk back to Victor's Village. He's earned that drink - and many more._

I wonder if I can stay drunk for the next, oh, six months or so? _he asks himself as his footsteps crunch through the newly fallen snow._

**O'SULLIVAN'S PUB - DISTRICT TWELVE - THE NIGHT BEFORE REAPING DAY FOR THE 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES**

_Haymitch Abernathy steps through the familiar doors of O'Sullivan's and scans the sparse crowd. Usually the pub would be doing a much brisker business on a Saturday night, but, with tomorrow being the Reaping, even the most dedicated drinkers usually opted to stay home with their families. Tomorrow night would be different, as the pub would be packed with fathers - and some mothers too - celebrating another year of their children being allowed to live._

_Haymitch chuckles humorlessly. _If they only knew that their children were perfectly safe this year,_ he says to himself. He finally spots the person that he's looking for, a young, red-headed man in a Peacekeepers uniform, sitting alone at a table in back, nursing a glass of dark, smoky liquid._

_Haymitch steps to the bar and exchanges pleasantries with Patrick O'Sullivan, the owner, before buying a full bottle of the same liquor that the young red-head was drinking, then carries the bottle and a glass back to the young man's table._

_"Want another?" Haymitch asks as he reaches the table. The young man looks up at his visitor, then nods slowly and pushes the glass towards Haymitch. Haymitch fills the glass, then his own, and sits down._

_"How you doing, Darius?" Haymitch asks, tasting his drink._

_"Probably better than you, Mr. Abernathy," the young man - Darius - answers, taking a swallow of his own drink. _

_"That's the truth," Haymitch agrees. _

_Darius leans closer. "Are you crazy?" he hisses. "Us being seen together is not a good idea, Haymitch!"_

_"Relax, kid," Haymitch says. "Who's gonna tell? Pat O'Sullivan? Beth? Old Valentine sitting over there?"_

_"Make it quick, then. What do you want?" Darius says quietly._

_"You've got Burn duty tomorrow after the Reaping?" Haymitch asks._

_"Yeah, I - hey, wait a minute! How do you know? The duty roster's in Cray's office!"_

_"I know. I was in there earlier in the afternoon. Brought him a nice bottle to help him celebrate the Reaping - and caught a glimpse of the roster." Haymitch explains._

_"Okay, so I have Burn duty. So what?" Darius asks grumpily._

_Haymitch reaches into a jacket pocket and extracts a drawstring bag. He sets the bag in front of Darius. Both men could hear the jingle of coins in the bag._

_"I need you to bring me some Slips from each Reaping Ball," Haymitch explains. "This little - gift - is for you. For going above and beyond what's expected of you."_

_"Reaping Slips? Do you have any idea how much trouble I'd be in if I were caught?" Darius says, while eyeing the bag._

_"A lot, obviously," Haymitch says dryly. "Thus, my little - gift."_

_"How many?" Darius asks reluctantly._

_"A handful of each, Boys and Girls," Haymitch replies. "I know you can do it. The Burn barrel is behind the Justice Building hidden by a fence. No one else will go back there."_

_Suddenly, Darius pockets the bag. "Okay. As long as it's helping the cause."_

_"It is," Haymitch lies. He stands up._

_"See you tomorrow, Darius. Keep the bottle." Haymitch turns to go._

_"Wait," Darius says. Haymitch turns back to him. _

_"Why?" Darius asks. Haymitch hesitates for a moment before answering._

_"Insurance," Haymitch says. "Insurance against someone that thinks nothing of treating people like chess pawns." After a moment, Darius nods._

_"See you, Haymitch," he says simply, as he pours himself another drink._

**JUSTICE BUILDING - DISTRICT TWELVE - REAPING DAY - 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES**

_"He's in there, Officer Potter," Effie Trinket says, indicating a door. "It's anyone's guess if he's lucid enough to sign the Reaping Certification, though."_

_"Thank you, ma'am," Darius says. "And the law says he has to sign." Darius pushes down on the door latch and steps into the small room. There, sprawled on the couch, lay Haymitch Abernathy, an ice pack pressed to his head._

_"Sir?" Darius calls out in a low voice. "Are you awake? I have the Certification for you to sign." Darius closes the door behind him, wondering if his pounding heart could be heard outside this room._

_Haymitch groans loudly as he sits up. "Yeah, yeah - I'm awake. Gimme the form." Taking the clipboard from Darius, he gives the younger man a knowing glance as he scribbles his signature. _

_Darius quickly digs in his pockets and hastily deposits a double handful of crumpled paper slips into two piles. Sweating profusely, he snatches up his clipboard and beats a quick exit from the room, mumbling something about giving his copy of the Certification to the Escort._

_Haymitch murmurs his thanks as the door closes, then he quickly scoops up the two handfuls of paper and stuffs them both into inside pockets of his suit jacket, then straightens his jacket and walks with exaggerated dignity out of the room._

_"Haymitch? Are you quite alright? That was a nasty fall you took!" Effie says, fussing around Haymitch. He impatiently brushes her off._

_"I'll see you on the train, Effie," Haymitch says as her turns to go._

_"Wait! The - our Tributes aren't done with their Goodbyes yet! Aren't you going to wait and ride with us?" Effie asks._

_"Effie, Escorting is your job," Haymitch says with a belch, causing Effie to look at him in disgust. "Mentoring is mine - and I need to get settled in before I get slammed with a thousand and one questions." _Not to mention being unable to look either Tribute in the eye - yet, _Haymitch says to himself._

_Effie opens her mouth to speak, but Haymitch quickly puts his hand up. "I'll see you on the train, Effie." He turns and walks away with exaggerated dignity, leaving Effie to tend to their new Tributes - Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark._

_Slipping unnoticed by taking back streets, Haymitch quickly arrives at the train station, then boards the train once he's cleared by the Peacekeeper on duty there. Once on the train, he heads directly to his berth, shutting and locking the door._

_Haymitch quickly empties his pockets and lays the Reaping Slips out on the small table in his berth. He selects the best twenty out of each batch, and selects two large books from the shelf over his bed. He carefully arranges each batch of slips inside the jacket of each book, then closes the covers of both carefully. He'll transfer them to the leather bound volume later, once he receives it from Effie. _

_Opening a small window in the bathroom, he puts the remainder of the slips in a small metal trashcan, and adds one more small piece of paper to the pile. The note that Plutarch had sent him after he had returned to the Capitol following the Victory Tour. On it were written two words:_

**TWELVE WINS**

_Striking a match, Haymitch drops the match into the mass of paper and watches it flare up quickly. He holds the trash can close to the window to allow the smoke to vent, hoping that no one will notice smoke coming from his bathroom window. No one does. After the small fire dies out, Haymitch carefully pours the ash into the toilet and flushes, then wipes the trash can clean with a hand towel. Soon the evidence of the small fire is gone._

_Opening a silver flask, he takes a deep pull, then wipes his mouth as he swallows. From the sounds outside his berth Effie and the Tributes must have arrived. Looking at the two books on the desk, he says one word._

_"Insurance."_

**PEETA**

I sit for a moment, dumbfounded by the story that Haymitch just told me. My brain had been still a little fuzzy from the auto injection I had given myself - but the cobwebs were completely gone now. One inescapable fact penetrates my mind.

We were set up - completely, deliberately, set up.

Haymitch is sitting back in his chair, looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I can feel my anger rising up from deep inside, yet somehow I remain outwardly calm.

"You son of a bitch," I say quietly. "You bastard. You let them - you let them almost _kill_ us! And Madge! I thought - I thought she was my friend!" Unbidden, my thoughts drift back to a time over a year and a half ago - to a night when Madge, coming to me to comfort me in my darkest days since becoming a Victor with Katniss, instead found herself being comforted by me - in an extraordinarily intimate way. I had always thought that what we shared strengthened our friendship - until now.

"She was your friend, Peeta," Haymitch says in a soft voice.

"Bullshit," I say in a flat tone. "I don't even know this Madge - this 'Rebellion' Madge!" I can feel tears rising up from deep inside...tears of rage, and of betrayal.

"It wasn't easy for her, kid," Haymitch says. "And I hope you understand that I hated the idea. But it had to be done - I know that now. The Rebellion was stagnant - it needed a spark. Without Katniss - and you - well, the Seventy-Sixth Annual Hunger Games would be going on right about now - with no end in sight."

"You should have -" I begin to say, before Haymitch cuts me off.

"Should have what? Told you? 'Hey listen, you two - nothing personal, but your Reaping was set up. Why? Well, you're the face of the Rebellion, whether you want to be or not!'" Haymitch snaps.

I say nothing. What's there to say now? I just feel - betrayed. By Haymitch, by that unmitigated bastard Plutarch Heavensbee, but most of all by Madge Undersee.

I reach forward deliberately, carefully picking up and replacing the Reaping Slips back in the binding of the volume. Once I smooth out the leather cover, I carefully close the volume.

"You should go," I say in a toneless voice. "Katniss will be home soon."

Haymitch slowly stands up. "Peeta - for what little it's worth - I am deeply sorry about - well, everything." I stare at him, not trusting myself to speak.

Haymitch turns to go, then asks, "Are you gonna tell her?"

I hesitate for just a moment before answering.

"I don't know. I haven't decided."

Haymitch walks to the door. Before he leaves, he says, "I just want you to know - whatever you decide - I understand. I also want you to know that I - I love you both."

And with that, Haymitch is gone. I stare at the door for long minutes after he leaves, then, carefully standing up, I pick up the volume and slowly make my way back into the living room. I open the chest, sliding the volume back into its space, then close and lock the chest.

Then, and only then, do I sit on the couch and allow myself to cry.

**A/N - I know this chapter was a long time in coming, and I hope that everyone can see why I couldn't wrap up this part of the story in the last chapter. It was a hard plot twist to write and I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations. So please, tell me what you think and thanks for continuing to read!**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16 - TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES**

**ROOF OF THE TRAINING CENTER, THE CAPITOL - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE START OF THE 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES**

_I toss and turn for hours, trying in vain to catch at least _a little_ sleep. I'm just too keyed up. Fear, excitement, adrenaline pumping through me, fear - mostly fear. Tomorrow, Katniss and I enter the arena, along with twenty two other Tributes - all of whom will be doing their absolute level best to kill us both._

_Katniss. Tonight I did something that's been building up inside me for eleven long years. Tonight, Katniss finally discovered that I love her. The problem is, so did the entire country of Panem._

_I sigh, rolling over angrily in my soft, luxurious bed. _Maybe, _I say to myself, _Maybe letting her know during my interview with Caesar Flickerman wasn't such a hot idea after all, _but almost instantly that thought is replaced by _Yes! It was absolutely the right thing to do! She needs sponsors and that will guarantee that she gets help in the arena._ These thoughts have been racing through my head ever since the show ended. Everyone - Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, Portia - thought it was brilliant. Everyone, of course - except the only one that counts. Katniss._

_I gingerly flex my fingers, grimacing at the lingering soreness in my hands. The Capitol medics worked wonders on my hands - cut after stumbling into a vase, then falling into the broken shards after Katniss shoved me - but they still hurt. Or was it my pride that was hurt? All I know is that Katniss was furious with my declaration - and, as far as I know, still is._

_I flip back over onto my other side, sighing heavily. _What am I doing? _I say to myself again, _I'm going into the arena in a matter of hours, and I'm worried whether or not Katniss is mad at me? _I fling the covers back angrily and roll out of bed. I slip my feet into a pair of sandals and open my bedroom door, glancing quickly at Katniss's door. I don't see any light coming from under the door and turn away glumly. _

_I move quietly through what Effie calls the "penthouse," heading towards the door to the roof. I need some fresh air. Maybe that will help me sleep. The door to the roof is closed but not locked. I open it and slip through, leaving it ajar behind me in case it locks from the other side. I chuckle a little, thinking about how frantic Effie would be in the morning if I turned up missing._

_I walk quietly across the tiled roof to the edge. Below me, I can hear sounds - shouting, music, car horns, singing - and I realize that all these parties taking place fourteen floors below me are for us. The Tributes. The Capitol is celebrating yet another Hunger Games. I sit near the edge and look down at the revelry, shaking my head in disgust. Everywhere else in Panem the Hunger Games are dreaded. Here, they're celebrated. I find myself lost in thought and don't hear Katniss approach until she speaks._

_"You should be getting some sleep," she says quietly. In spite of myself, I jump a little, startled at her sudden appearance, but I recover quickly. Without turning to face her, I just shake my head a little._

_"I didn't want to miss the party. It's for us, after all," I reply. Katniss glides up next to me and I see her leaning over the railing, looking down at the busy street below._

_"Are they in costume?" Katniss asks, referring to the tiny dancing figures on the street far below. I shrug my shoulders._

_"Who could tell?" I reply. "With all the crazy clothes they wear here. Couldn't sleep, either?"_

_"Couldn't turn my mind off," Katniss replies softly. I feel a slight pang for her._

_"Thinking about your family?" I ask._

_"No." Katniss replies. "All I can do is wonder about tomorrow. Which is pointless, of course." She turns to face me and I see her eyes flicker down to my throbbing, bandaged hands. "I really am sorry about your hands," she says._

_"It doesn't matter, Katniss," I say with a small smile. "I've never been a contender in these Games, anyway."_

_"That's no way to be thinking," Katniss says._

_"Why not?" I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "It's true. My best hope is to not disgrace myself and..." what I want to say is something like "die protecting you" but I know that would just upset her all over again._

_"And what?" She asks._

_"I don't know how to say it exactly." I can't tell her what I'm really thinking. "Only...I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?" Inwardly I groan at just how completely lame that sounded. Katniss shakes her head, obviously puzzled._

_"I don't want them to change me in there," I explain. "Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not." Okay, that part is true enough._

_Katniss drops her eyes from mine as she asks, "Does that mean you won't kill anyone?"_

_"No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else," I say. "I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing that I could think of a way to...to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games."_

_"But you're not," Katniss says gently. "None of us are. That's how the Games work."_

_"Okay, but within that framework, there's still you, there's still me," I reply insistently. "Don't you see?" Please, Katniss, please understand what I'm trying to tell you here!_

_"A little," she replies. "Only...no offense, but who cares, Peeta?"_

_"I do," I say angrily. "I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" I look her straight in the eye. It's about you, Katniss...and getting you home alive! Try to see that!_

_Instead, Katniss steps back, breaking our eye contact. "Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive."_

_She didn't get it. "Okay," I say with a humorless smile. "Thanks for the tip, sweetheart."_

_I see anger flash in her eyes and I know that I crossed some invisible line with that last remark. "Look," she snaps, "If you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble death in the arena, that's your choice. I want to spend mine in District Twelve."_

_"Wouldn't surprise me if you do," I say with a touch of sadness in my voice. "Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?"_

_"Count on it," she says, spinning on her heel and quickly leaving the roof._

**PART I**

_That I'm more than just a piece in their Games._

That phrase turns over and over in my head. I had spent the last two years thinking that my being Reaped was just a matter of random chance, when, in fact, I had no chance. None. Or, as the saying goes, "The odds were never in my favor."

I sit on the couch, staring at the big locked chest on the floor. Katniss will be home soon. I've already decided that I'm telling her everything. She has as much right to know the truth as I did. Even now, I'm still trying to process everything that Haymitch told me. Even now, just thinking about it makes me furious! The only problem is - who, or what, exactly am I angry at?

Am I angry at Haymitch Abernathy, our Mentor? He certainly is guilty of keeping the truth from both Katniss and I - what some would call "a lie of omission," but, by his own admission, he was dead set against the idea of us being deliberately Reaped in the first place. And, let's face it, he didn't even know anything about us until that meeting between him, Madge and Plutarch. All he knew of us was some vague recollection of me in the bakery and Katniss in the Hob. In effect, we were total strangers to him up until that night.

Then there's Plutarch. Capitol citizen and Gamemaker extraordinaire. A chess master who prided himself on his canny moves and counter moves. If there was any one person that could be accused of using us as "a piece in their Games," it was Plutarch Heavensbee. To him, that's exactly what we were. He was ready to use Katniss as his Mockingjay, dead or alive. As a dead Tribute her face would be held up as a martyr for the Rebellion - alive she would serve as the face of the Rebellion. Oh, but how he was ready to spin her in any way he needed to for his own end. But, his symbol could have come from any number of other Districts. There certainly was no malice in his decision.

And lastly - Madge Undersee. A girl that had been my friend for as far back as I could remember, and whose earthly remains now reside in a massive pit in the Meadow, covered over with a mound of fresh earth. It was a huge shock to me that she was as deeply involved in the Rebellion as she turned out to be. And, to listen to Haymitch's version of events, she was quite upset by her own decision to offer up both Katniss and I as Tributes, all so that Katniss would become the face of the Rebellion - even going so far as to claim that if Katniss didn't volunteer for Prim, she would, and go in Prim's place. By rights, she's the only one that "betrayed" us - and it tore her up to do it.

There were others involved: Darius the Peacekeeper - who, I was shocked to learn, was part of the Rebellion also. Effie almost certainly, although Haymitch never admitted as much. Fulvia Cardew, Plutarch's loyal assistant. But was I angry at any of them? Really?

I'm still trying to make up my mind at exactly who I'm angry at when Katniss comes home.

**PART II**

"Peeta?" Katniss calls out.

"In here," I answer. I clumsily haul myself to my feet. Katniss walks into the living room. I can see that she's already taken off her boots and there's flecks of dried mud on her clothes.

Smiling, she walks straight into my arms for a hug and a kiss. I gladly provide both to her.

Glancing down, she asks, "How's your leg?"

"Still a little unsteady," I reply. "But Galen said that by tomorrow all of the upgrades should be 'settled in' and that I can put away the cane. How was your fishing lesson with Rory?"

Katniss waves her hand at her muddied clothing. "See for yourself. That boy has a talent for finding every muddy spot on the bank! But, we had a good catch. I showed him how to clean them - that's what he should be doing right now, over at Haymitch's. I thought we could have them for dinner tonight. I got some nice edible plants to go along with them."

Katniss is looking at me quizzically and I realize that I must have given something away in my face when she mentioned Haymitch's name. _She's not the only one who would lose her last coin at cards, _I say to myself.

"Something wrong?" she asks. I sigh inwardly. No use in trying to hide anything, still -

"There's something that I need to talk to you about," I say. There. It's out.

"Okay," Katniss says with a smile, pulling me down to sit next to her on the couch.

"Listen, I - there's some things I need to show you, also. Things that Haymitch gave us. Why don't you get cleaned up and change first - give me a chance to get everything out." I stammer.

"What is it, Peeta?" Katniss asks. Her smile has disappeared.

"It's - well, it's easier if I show you. And I need to get things - well, organized first. Okay?" I'm almost pleading with her. She sits, staring at me, unconvinced.

I take both her hands in mine. "Katniss - I promise that this has nothing at all to do with how you and I feel about each other. I love you so much! Just trust me - besides, you do kinda smell like fish." I give her a smile when I mention the fishy odor and it seems to make her relax just a bit. Tentatively, she returns my smile, then leans in and kisses me.

"Okay. You know I trust you, Peeta. As much as I love you." She puts her hand on my cheek briefly then stands up. "I'll be right back - then we'll talk."

"Promise," I say as she leaves the room. I go over to the chest and unlock it, pulling out the 74th Hunger Games volume and setting it on the low table. I open the volume and carefully peel back the leather binding, revealing the Reaping Slips. I remove several from both the front and the back of the volume, setting them on the table. Hauling myself to my feet, I make my way into the kitchen and start water on the stove for tea. Upstairs I can hear the sound of water running in the shower.

As I wait for the water to boil, Buttercup jumps up onto the countertop and meows plaintively. I scratch the ugly little cat behind one bedraggled ear, hearing the contented purr in response.

"You better not let Katniss catch you up on the counter, Buttercup," I say softly. "You know how she is about you on kitchen counters." Buttercup's ears flatten back against his head at the sound of Katniss's name, but his purring never stops. I hear the teapot start to whistle and turn to take it off the heat and pour the water into the two cups. I cast one last glance at Buttercup and the cat obediently jumps off the counter. I carefully carry the cups, one at a time, into the living room. I settle myself back on the couch and wait anxiously for Katniss.

A few moments later I hear her light tread skipping down the stairs. She appears in the living room a few moments later, changed into shorts and a light top, her hair neatly braided. I try to give her a reassuring smile but I can see that the look on her face is - uncertain. I pat the couch next to me and she walks over and sits down.

"I made some tea," I say, pointing at her cup, but her attention is on the volume and the Reaping Slips.

"Is this it?" Katniss asks. "The Volume from our Games?" She shoots me an accusing look. We had never talked about our volume but we had what can best be described as an unspoken agreement to leave it alone.

"The other day," I begin, "The day Galen installed the upgrades in my leg, I - well, I was going stir crazy. I got curious, so I pulled our volume out. I guess I just wanted to see what Haymitch wrote about us. If you're mad, I'm sorry," I finish contritely.

"I'm not mad," Katniss says tightly - and just a shade too quickly. I glance at her face - her eyes were flashing and her lips were set in a tight line. I recognize the look - she was angry, all right. _Well, it's only gonna get worse,_ I say to myself.

"What's this?" she asks, picking up one of the Reaping Slips - mine, I see - then another from the other pile. She opens it and gasps.

"Are these - these - what I think -?" she stammers. I nod and explain what happened.

"When I was looking at the book, the leather binding caught on the joint on my Robo-leg - here," I say, indicating the spot where the binding caught. "It popped the stitching out and the binding peeled back. That's when I saw - these." I point at the Slips.

Katniss is staring at the Slip in her hand. I glance at her face and see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Prim," she whispers softly, clutching the Slip. "And - you, Peeta. But - there's so many!" She turns and looks at me, anger clouding her face again.

"You knew about this two days ago - and said _nothing_ to me?" she snaps.

"I wanted to talk to Haymitch first and find out why he had these," I say quickly. "I wanted an explanation for - all this - before I said anything to you." Thankfully, I see her face soften a bit and see her relax.

"So, I'm assuming you talked to him?" she asks, her voice softer now.

"I did," I say. "It took one of these -" I tap my box of auto injectors "- to get through it, but I got an explanation out of him."

The anger drains from Katniss's face, replaced immediately by concern. "Oh no, Peeta! You - you needed one? Have you spoken with Galen? Did it - did it work?"

I take Katniss's hand in mine. "Yes, I needed one," I say gently, "And no, I haven't spoken with Galen - yet. And yes, it worked just fine."

"And here I was, getting mad at you, when all you were trying to do was get the whole story before telling me," Katniss says quietly, fresh tears forming in her eyes. "Here you are, still trying to protect me after two years."

I touch her face with my free hand, wiping her tears away with my thumb. "Two years, or two hundred two years, it makes no difference. I'll always try to protect you, Katniss. I love you."

Katniss suddenly leans forward, kissing me gently and whispering, "I love you, too." She pulls back away from me and looks at the Slips again. Taking a deep breath, she says, "Okay, tell me what Haymitch told you. I'm sure I won't like it - so let's get it over with."

I take a sip of my tea and notice that Katniss does the same. Taking a deep breath of my own, I begin to talk.

**PART III**

I finish the story that Haymitch told me earlier. Katniss had been remarkably calm and composed while I spoke, only interrupting a few times to ask a question or to clarify something. Her face, though, was drained of color as I relayed to her how the both of us had been set up by the Rebellion.

I look down at her hands, now tightly clenched. Gently I pry her fingers open and remove the crumpled remains of the Reaping Slips that she had been clutching. The touch of my hand seems to break the little trance that she seemed to have settled into. She blinks her eyes rapidly, stares down at her lap for a moment, then reaches for her tea cup. She picks up the cup with trembling hands and quickly drains the cooled tea, then carefully sets the cup down.

I sit quietly, waiting for her to speak. Finally, she turns to me and says, "You did the right thing by not saying anything until you knew the whole story. I'm sorry for getting angry."

"No need to apologize, Katniss," I say gently, taking her hand in mine once again. She grips my hand almost desperately, as a small, almost inaudible whimper escapes her throat.

"Bastards," she whispers. "Filthy, lying bastards." Suddenly she drops my hand and springs to her feet. Turning, she strides toward the front door.

Struggling to my feet, I call after her. "Katniss! Where are you going?"

Stopping at the front door, she whirls around to face me. "One guess!" she snaps, stepping through the door and slamming it shut behind her.

"Shit!" I mutter, grabbing my cane and hobbling as fast as I could after her. Exiting the house, I make my way down the walk, and as I turn towards Haymitch's house I can hear the sounds of shouting coming from our Mentor's home. I move as quickly as I can but feel like I'm walking through molasses as I reach Haymitch's wide open front door.

I enter the house and follow the sounds of shouting to the kitchen. I take in the tableau before me in a single glance. Haymitch, sitting in his usual spot at the table, sprawled back in his chair, the shattered remains of a liquor bottle at his feet. Rory, standing at the kitchen counter, a knife in his hand, several gutted fish laid out before him. Sae, standing in front of Haymitch - and Katniss, being restrained by Sae's hands on her slim shoulders, shouting accusations at our Mentor, who, I can now see, has a well defined red palm imprint on his face.

"Katniss!" I bark loudly. From the way everyone jumps, it's apparent that no one noticed me enter. "Katniss! No!"

Katniss whirls around, her face a mask of pent up rage. "No? No, Peeta? After what they did? After what _he_ allowed them to do? And you're what - _protecting_ him?" Her chest was heaving and her eyes flashing. Sae was still holding on to her. I look past her at Haymitch, who looked - resigned.

"No," I say firmly. "I'm not protecting him, or taking his side. But did you listen to me? Haymitch was against using you - using _us_ - to further the Rebellion's cause."

"He says that _now_!" Katniss snaps. "And there's no one around to contradict him!"

"Am I allowed to talk? Or are you gonna condemn me without a trial?" Haymitch asks. Katniss and I both turn to look at him. He sits up in his chair, then slowly gets to his feet. "Let's go in the living room," he says quietly. "Peeta, did you bring the volume of your Games with you?" I shake my head. "We'll need that. Rory, can you run over to Katniss's house and get something for me?" I quickly explain to Rory what Haymitch needs. He nods and runs out of the room. An angry Katniss and I follow Haymitch into his living room. He points to chairs and we sit. He settles heavily into a third chair.

"How far did you get in reading my notes, Peeta?" Haymitch asks.

"Not very far," I admit. "I stopped pretty much after I found - the Slips." Haymitch nods.

"You two never had the - honor - of serving as Mentors. Otherwise, you would have discovered, as I did, that a Mentors Games Volume with the Tribute Portfolios was pretty much the _only_ item in Panem not subject to inspection or search by the Peacekeepers. Something in the fine print in one of the Articles of the Treaty of Treason about the sanctity of the Games, and confidentiality between Mentors and Tributes...keeping strategies secret, and all that." Haymitch pauses as Rory returns, clutching the leather bound volume. Haymitch takes it from him and thanks him, then firmly asks him to leave and to shut the door behind him.

Once the door is shut, Haymitch opens the volume, then hands it to me. "I want you both to go through my notes - the ones I took on you two."

"And just what are we supposed to be looking for?" Katniss asks sharply, glaring at Haymitch.

"You'll know when you read it," is all Haymitch would say. Shaking her head, Katniss starts leafing through the pages of notes with me. We quickly skip over the few that I had already read and had shared with Katniss. Some pages appeared to be nothing more than random doodles. Katniss angrily turns page after page of gibberish and is about to quickly turn another page when I stop her.

"Mtg w/Cinna & Portia - told them their chosen ones in Remake. Cinna promised a spectacle."

We both skim down the page to another entry:

"Tribute parade. Unforgettable as promised. Damn PH to hell."

"PH," Katniss whispers. "Plutarch Heavensbee?"

"Unless you know another PH," Haymitch replies. "Read on."

Together we turn to the next page and another entry:

"Parade recap. K almost looks pleased. P the same. Hope PH and M are happy."

"Madge," Katniss whispers again. Haymitch nods and gestures with his hand.

Another entry: "Kids in tng. Mtg w/PH. Tried to get a promise of no mutts for either one. Best he could do was no mutts on his shift. AH."

"AH?" Katniss asks. Haymitch smiles and translates. "Asshole."

More entries: "Tng scores. Holy shit an 8 and an 11! Maybe M right after all."

"Interview prep. P easy to work with. K surly. Worried about her. I like them both, especially P. Gonna be my hardest Games ever."

"Interviews. K- better than I hoped. P - incredible. K pissed at P now. They're in bed. Really hate myself right now."

"Launch day. Hope they both listened to me. M are you watching? You better be."

Katniss straightens up and slowly closes the book. "I've seen enough," she says.

"Were you planning on ever telling us?" Katniss asks Haymitch.

"I don't know," he replies. "Do you believe me?"

"You've held things from us before - but you've never lied outright. Yes, I believe you." Katniss admits.

"If you're gonna be mad, there's a whole lot of other people involved in this mess to be mad at. Darius, our esteemed Peacekeeper - remember him? And both Cinna and Portia were neck deep in it, too." Haymitch says. Katniss looks at him in surprise.

"Oh yes, Sweetheart. I know how fond you were of Cinna. But think about it - he was a rising star of the world of Capitol fashion. Being a Games Stylist is a feather in any designer's cap. And this rising star _asks_ for District Twelve? And then proceeds to completely dazzle everyone with that whole "Girl on Fire" costume? He knew _months_ before the Reaping that you were coming to him!"

"But - what if it wasn't me? What if - Madge - what if she ended up having to volunteer like you said she said she would? Or - what if Prim had to - had to go anyway?" Katniss asks.

"Then Madge would have been the Girl on Fire. And if Prim had ended up going, Cinna had a whole different look planned for her and Prim - something more District Twelve 'traditional.' The Girl on Fire costume was a signal - to all the other districts that were in Rebellion. That this girl was the Mockingjay. It was that simple," Haymitch says.

"For months, I had to live with this," Haymitch murmurs, almost to himself. "Hating the idea the whole time. Hoping Plutarch would find someone else. Do you remember how drunk I was on Reaping Day?"

Katniss and I both nod and say, "Yes."

"I've never been that drunk at a Reaping before. Falling off the stage, knocking myself out. And all because of what they were doing to you two." Haymitch says bitterly.

"You really didn't want this to happen to us, did you?" Katniss asks quietly.

Haymitch lets out a barking, humorless laugh. "Oh, _finally_ she gets it! No, Sweetheart, I didn't. It's one thing to draw someone's name at random - that's chance. But this - like it or not, Plutarch made both of you a part of the Rebellion - _against your will_! You wanna know why I kept those Reaping Slips? Huh? Because Plutarch is a master at covering his own tracks, that's why! If something had gone wrong - and there were about a thousand things that _could_ go wrong - I wanted...no, needed...something to hold over him. There was no guarantee - _none_ - that he was gonna successfully spin you into the Mockingjay martyr if you didn't make it. And I was not gonna let your death get swept aside. Oh no - I was gonna make him pay!"

"How?" Katniss and I both ask skeptically.

"Reparations to your families," Haymitch says. Katniss and I glance at each other. Reparations? All families of dead Tributes ever got was a coffin and a burial. No families ever got reparations.

"There was a special non-discretionary fund available to Gamemakers that the other Mentors called 'The Career Fund.'" Haymitch explained. "Gamemakers would pay families of dead Careers a reparation if both Careers from that district died during that particular Games. It was their way of 'encouraging' continued volunteering from the Career districts. And I was planning on tapping into that for both your families."

"So, the families of Cato and Clove, Marvel and Glimmer - all got paid?" Katniss asks.

"The money probably went back to their districts with their bodies," Haymitch replies.

"Insurance," I say softly. Haymitch nods. "Exactly. You remember."

Katniss stands up. "I'm sorry I hit you," she tells Haymitch.

"I deserved it," Haymitch says simply. Katniss walks out of the room. Haymitch and I exchange looks, wondering where she went, but she reappears less than a minute later.

"I was just telling Rory to wrap and freeze those fish. We'll have them another night. I'm not particularly hungry - and I don't feel much like company tonight," she says to me, then turns to Haymitch. Haymitch stands up slowly.

"Thank you - for being honest with me - with us," Katniss says to Haymitch.

"I said this to Peeta earlier - and I'll say it again for you. I really do love you both," Haymitch says quietly.

Katniss turns one last time and looks at Haymitch. "I know," she says simply, before turning and walking out of Haymitch's house.

I say my goodbyes to Haymitch and hurry after Katniss, but by the time I get back to the house, she's upstairs, in our room, with the door closed. I don't check to see if the door is locked. I make my way downstairs and, after a while, put together a simple meal. I prepare a plate and carry it upstairs.

I open the bedroom door. "Katniss, are you hungry?" I ask.

"No," is her only reply. I shut the door and carry the plate downstairs, where I cover it with a towel and place it in the oven, just in case.

After a while, I eat without her. Then, when it's dark, I climb the stairs and quickly get undressed in our dark room, then slip into bed beside her. I don't move to hold her or take her in my arms. I lay quietly on my back, staring at the ceiling.

After a few minutes, I feel the bed shake slightly as Katniss shifts around. I feel her arm snake across my chest as she snuggles close to me. She lays her head lightly on my chest and I can feel her breathing.

Still, I lay there quietly - until I can feel her shoulders shaking slightly and I feel a moist warmth on my chest. I slip my arm around Katniss's shoulders, and, without a word, hold he close to me as she very quietly cries.

**A/N - Thanks again for reading - and please let me know what you think!**


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